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  • 1 Post By CptStargel
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  #1  
January 22nd, 2013, 02:49 PM
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Does anyone else not want visitors while in labor? I don't even want people waiting in the waiting room.

Let me explain....When I had my 2nd child, we really didn't call anyone to let them know. I wasn't speaking to my mother at the time and my MIL was watching our oldest dd. After Claire was born, and Dh held her and oooed and ahhhhed over her for a while, he went to go pick up our oldest, about an hour away. I had Claire all to myself for a long, long time. It was wonderful to just hold her, nurse her, etc without any interruptions or pressure from anyone coming in to hold my new baby. Now that I'm speaking to my mom again, she wants to be at the hospital when I have this baby, just like she was when my oldest was born. I told her she could be there but after thinking about it, I would like an experience similar to the last one and not the first.

Does anyone else feel this way or am I the only wierdo?
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  #2  
January 22nd, 2013, 03:42 PM
CptStargel's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I am a very personal and private person so I will not have visitors in the hospital except DH during and after labor and possibly DD afterwards. I refused visitors last time as well. It was nice to recover in mostly peace and quiet and then see visitors once home. I don't blame you
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  #3  
January 22nd, 2013, 03:44 PM
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I don't think it is weird to not want visitors! If you had a wonderful experience last time then you wanting to recreate that experience makes sense! Although, I don't know if it is possible to tell your mom that you don't want her there now without really hurting her feelings. I know my mom would be hurt if I told her she could come, and then changed my mind and then told her she couldn't come. Even though you may not have ill intentions with that decision, your mother might still take it personally. I would say just consider her feelings before you decide whether or not you want your mom (or anyone else) there.

As far as visitors go, I am not really being picky. I am thrilled that there will be others excited to meet my little one, if that makes sense? I don't have much family nearby, so the fact that anyone will want to be there (making the trek) to visit us and the baby will be a treat and a joy.

So far this is who I know will be there for me:

In delivery room with me: My husband, and my mother in law.

Waiting in waiting room and/or visitors: My brother, my mother in laws bf.

There may be others that show up such as some of our friends, and other family members. I suppose it depends on if they are able to come and visit at that particular time, make the drive, how much notice they have etc.

I wouldn't want to say no to anyone wanting to come and visit with us as long as they aren't sick. I think that bringing a baby into the world is a great joy, and any friends and family wanting to participate in that joy with us are welcome

Although, this is my first so ask me how it went afterwards, and I may not want anyone at all next time! Haha
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  #4  
January 22nd, 2013, 04:00 PM
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Yeah I don't want to hurt my mom's feelings. That is why this is weighing on my mind. I don't mind anyone visiting later. It is just those first few hours right after that are precious to me. Depending on what time I deliver, visiting a few hours later or the next day would be great. It isn't something I even thought about until well after I told her "of course you can be there."
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  #5  
January 22nd, 2013, 04:10 PM
Mrs.Ajalele's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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One benefit to family being 20 hours away! We loved having it just be us. It was just us the whole first week pretty much too. Just a few friends stopped by to visit or bring food...
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  #6  
January 22nd, 2013, 04:35 PM
pinkpopsicles's Avatar Super Mommy
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I know how you feel. My mom wants to be there too but I prefer she stay home. She's just one of those people that brings anxiety in their wake (if you know what I mean). She'll be reminding me about everything that could go wrong...making sure I ask all the right questions...etc. She's just a nervous person and makes me nervous and I don't want her there. She will be watching my kids though so probably won't be there right away (if at all) anyway.
Nurses can be a great ally if you need them. A good friend of mine is a L&D/obstetrics nurse and said she's pretty much perfected the art of shooing away unwanted visitors without hurting anyone's feelings
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  #7  
January 22nd, 2013, 04:45 PM
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We are letting my parents know I am in labor because my mom is going to come get DD but other than that we aren't telling anyone when I go to the hospital including the in-laws. I have no desire to have anyone in the waiting room and it's just DH and myself when our baby is born. We will let other people know he has arrived after we've settled in.
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  #8  
January 22nd, 2013, 05:00 PM
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We typically just have the 2 of us in the delivery room. My parents watched my ds for us and the plan is for them to watch both boys this time. I know my mother would really like to be there when I have Maggie but it is already hard enough to get skin to skin time with hubby and the nurses in the room. Last time I said I wanted him immediately placed on my chest and he was but there were so many hands on him trying to clean him up and everything else I still had to wait to actually touch him. I don't exactly want to add to that.

As far as your mom goes I would say to maybe go out for lunch with her or something like that and tell her how much you loved your last delivery and everything you liked about it and why. Then just add to the end that you would really like for her to be there just a couple hours later so you can have a chance to bond and snuggle before everyone else does. On one hand she may be upset because you are changing your mind but at the same time she is a woman who has obviously birthed a child. She should understand the urge to just hold a newborn without interruption. It was really hard for my mom to not be there for my last birth but she understood.
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  #9  
January 22nd, 2013, 05:06 PM
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i will probably have my mom and sisters visit while im in labor if they want, but after i have her i want my son to come right away to meet his sister, but i wont be having any visitors in the hospital most likely
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  #10  
January 22nd, 2013, 05:13 PM
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I am just having my bf and my mom in the delivery room with me. My step dad might be in the waiting area depending if DS is with his dad at the time. If not, then DS will be at my parents house with my step dad.

Depending what time of day baby is born depends on visitors that day. If shes born early in the am, then maybe that evening people could come. But if shes born in the afternoon I would rather wait until the next day. And be able to have alone time as a family and to relax and recoup from delivery.
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  #11  
January 22nd, 2013, 05:15 PM
artisticmind's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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No you're not a weirdo at all. I'm the same way. We only called/texted out of state family to let them know that we were heading to the hospital, no one in my family was called (they all live in town). We tried letting my dad know that we were leaving, since we live with him, but he was sleeping in his recliner when we left and when we were actually admitted to the hospital he never answered his phone or it was dead so he figured it out on his own when at 1am our vehicle was gone from the driveway, he knew I'd been having contractions that evening.

For whatever reason my SIL thought I was going to invite her to the hospital when we went and I had never said one word to anyone that we were inviting people to the hospital. I remember I told a few that we weren't calling ANYONE and vaguely remember my SIL saying she'd be there. Um, no!!

We plan on doing it the same way with Emalie when the time comes. Our sitter will have Riley and is under strict orders not to say anything to anyone when he comes over when it's that time. Depending on how many kiddos she has when Emalie arrives she said she'd be willing to bring Riley up to the hospital so JJ doesn't have to leave, he would just meet her at the entrance to get him. I'm kind of thinking I want hubby to go pick him up though because that'll give me that extra bit of time to nurse and have her all to myself. We'll call local family and friends when we're ready for visitors probably after I've nursed her and had some time to get something to eat and we've both had a bath/shower. Riley I don't mind being there but anyone else is not privy to that.
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  #12  
January 22nd, 2013, 05:57 PM
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Im not really into having visitors either.
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  #13  
January 22nd, 2013, 05:57 PM
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I don't think it's strange at all!! I definitely don't want anyone except my husband there (not in the room, and not at the hospital) when I'm in labor, and for at least the first 2-3 hours after we have the baby. We'll stay in the L&D suite in which we deliver for about 2 hours after the baby is born anyway before they move us to the mother/baby wing, and we definitely won't be inviting anyone to come by during that time. Once we get over to the mother/baby wing and get settled in, then my husband's family and my best friend can come over at some point to vist (that night or the following day, depending on what time we deliver). My family won't arrive from out of state until a few days later.
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  #14  
January 22nd, 2013, 10:26 PM
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Thank you for your input ladies! I completely understand sharing the joyous occassion, especially with all the excitement of a first baby. Not that each baby isn't to be celebrated, just that having done it both ways now, I prefer the solitude. I am a pretty private person and, especially when it comes to my mom. We just are not close. My dh doesn't mind being the bad guy, at all and has said he will not call anyone until later. We 'll see. I may just have to bite the bullet and tell her I have changed my mind.
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  #15  
January 23rd, 2013, 01:34 AM
sarah*'s Avatar Loving My Piglets
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Im quite lucky in that where i live they dont allow visitors during labour! Makes it easier for me as i wouldnt want visitors lol. I have my mum and husband with me, we are alowed two birthing partners, no swaps.
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  #16  
January 23rd, 2013, 07:47 AM
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We have no visitors while in labor at all. The people that were there when the baby was made are the people that are there once the baby is born...aka MOM and DAD! thats it. Every birth, its been just me and my husband and I like that intimacy.

With visitors, well during my last birth, no one visited me bc the hospital was an hour away.
I second the idea of bonding with the baby immediately and I guess because its normally just me and DH I never thought about how people handle too many visitors. Our births are such a special moment in time, and I really just enjoy the closeness of just us..me, DH and the kids.

Family and friends can meet the new addition once we get home.
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  #17  
January 23rd, 2013, 01:50 PM
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I don't even want visitors during my pregnancy so I hear ya. I need my space when I am exhausted.
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  #18  
January 23rd, 2013, 02:39 PM
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My mom and the baby's father will be in the room with me when I deliver. We'll have a friend there to keep my oldest in the waiting room while I'm delivering. Other than that, I don't expect anyone else to come to the hospital to visit. I just don't have any family or friends that are local enough and the baby's father's friends and girlfriend aren't welcome as long as I have any say in it.
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