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I can't do this anymore


Forum: February 2013 Playroom

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  #1  
March 7th, 2013, 03:23 PM
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Texas
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I feel horrible but honestly I'm too worn out, exhausted, and sore to keep this up. I really really want to breastfeed but today she hasn't let the boob go. She eats for a few minutes and then falls asleep or acts uninterested so I lay her down.. She screams and shows all the signs of wanting more food so I feed her again, but again she only eats for a few minutes and I can't get her to take anymore.. But as soon as I lay her down she screams and screams and all I have been doing ALL day long is feeding her/ hearing her cry. I am going insane. I really am to the point to where I am just wanting to give her a bottle.

I need a break. After two weeks of no more than an hour and a half of sleep at a time and hearing her cry and nursing non stop.. I just need a break.

My husband suggested pumping for her but she eats so often that if I were to pump for her now then in a couple minutes she would want what I just pumped. So it would be pointless. I know I'm not suppose to give her a bottle yet because it can confuse her but seriously.. People keep telling me that this will get better.. But I'm at my point where I need it to be better now.

Sorry for the vent. I guess I'm kind of hoping someone will have a miracle advice or something.
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  #2  
March 7th, 2013, 03:52 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Ontario Canada
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Cluster feeding is so normal, but still very hard on the mom. Are there any breastfeeding support groups you can attend to help you thru the hard times?

Breastfeeding is one of those things that people assume is natural and easy but in truth it can be so hard.

By 6 weeks the baby and mom have usually become more accustomed to eachother and it will go much easier after that.

best tips I have are when you know its a cluster time keep her at the breast for a while even if she has fallen asleep until you are sure that she will stay asleep.

It will get better you just have to get over the initial blip!
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  #3  
March 7th, 2013, 04:02 PM
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Everything wishing said. It IS so hard in the beginning. Can you nurse lying down and nap with her?
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  #4  
March 7th, 2013, 04:06 PM
calijk's Avatar First Time Mommy!
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 781
it is SO hard trust me I know..We cried while he cried because I didnt have enough milk. I had to give in and start pumping exclusively. This lil dude went from eating like 1ml of colostrum to a few ml then to 1 oz to 2 oz now he eats like 4 oz per feeding and he eats A LOT. My breast milk has done what they said, the supply has increased with the demand! Try pumping every 2 hours and you will actually end up with a surplus in the freezer (or at least I have) and I NEVER thought I would be able to say that!!
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  #5  
March 7th, 2013, 06:39 PM
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My little one has done this, and I am sure she will do this again in the future. It was incredibly hard. Lily would fall asleep at my breast, then I would jiggle her cheek (like the nurse at the hospital said to do) to get her to feed some more, and she would. Then she would nurse for a couple more sucks, and then fall back asleep. Just when I thought she was sleeping good, I would try to set her down, but then she would start suckling again. I did feel a little trapped at my recliner, nursing, but I figured it was for the best if she wanted to keep eating. What really got me through it, was telling myself that it wont be forever, and all her nursing really is good, and for the best for her growth. Supposedly, the baby will cluster feed (Like every 45 minutes-1 hour) when they are having a growth spurt too.

No miracle advice, just that I understand, and I hope you can stick it out!
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  #6  
March 8th, 2013, 04:45 AM
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Location: Texas
Posts: 894
Thanks ladies.. I'm not giving up yet. Yesterday she nursed and cried all day long for me but as soon as DH got home she was magically fine. So he took her for about 39 minutes and let me shower and then we got to go to the store.. But as soon as it was time for bed she started up again... All night.

I appreciate hearing from you aides who went through or are going through the same thing. I know it's not just me.
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  #7  
March 8th, 2013, 06:09 AM
jojow
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Lydia likes to comfort nurse but often gets furious when the milk comes. I resorted to a paci. That way she can suck without getting the milk. What I need is a milk-less boob, lol!
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  #8  
March 8th, 2013, 06:11 AM
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Dd1 is a horrible sleeper. To this day she'll wake up at night and I have to be strict and stern and tell her to go back to sleep no other words are exchanged unless she needs water. When she was a newborn I would talk to her, read her a book, sing her songs, well I quickly learned that when boredom sets in they fall asleep. So I laid in the dark till she fell asleep. It took patience and time, mainly because she's a night owl like she was in the womb.
The best advice I was given at the hospital with dd1 was, mommy sleeps when baby sleeps. It's easier if you co sleep because you can bf and then just sleep. If I hadn't slept after giving birth I would have gone completely batty with my PPD.
Have you also tried swaddling her?
I'm glad you decided to keep bfing. The first two weeks are the most challenging.
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  #9  
March 8th, 2013, 07:24 AM
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Well I thought she hated being swaddled but I laid her down last night without swaddling her and she still kicked her feet like crazy.. She was very alert all night. I have given her a paci before a couple of times when I couldnt nurse her (like in the car) but then I worry that she's hungry and I'm not feeding her and she won't gain the weight.. Agh.

Well the bright side is that her two week doctor appointment is today and so I can ask questions, get some answers and if nothing else then atleast the first two weeks are over and things can only get better from here.
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  #10  
March 8th, 2013, 08:13 AM
Rebelmommy's Avatar Mommy to controlled chaos
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Location: Florida
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Some babies just need to suck for comfort. Creighton takes a paci and sometimes he'll take it and fall asleep or just sit and suck it and others he will kick it back at me 2 or 3 times, and then I know he is really hungry and not just wanting to suck. If you try a pcai, know that if she is really hungry the paci won't do for her and she will spit it out and start to cry so it is not like you will starve her I know it is hard and I applaude you for keeping with teh breast feeding. If you do choose to go with pumping and giving her a bottle, I would recommend getting just a small amount of formula if you are afraid that as soon as you are done pumping she will want what you pumped and giving her just a small amount of formula once or twice so that you can pump and get slightly ahead of the game. This way perhaps you can have 2 feedings of BM stored so that when you pump next and she wants to eat you can give her one of the stored BM bottles instead. That being said I do agree with the other ladies that BF does get easier, most of the time but there is no shame in either pumping and giving expressed BM in a bottle or switching to formula. The most important thing you can give your little princess is love and a calm momma ((HUGS))
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  #11  
March 8th, 2013, 09:13 AM
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I echo the paci comments -- some babies just need to suck, especially if she was a thumb-sucker inside. It can take them a while to redevelop enough coordination to find their thumb again in the outside world.

I also wanted to say that she may be crying a lot because she gets overstimulated and just needs a longer nap. My first baby, a girl, was this way. We learned that if she got worked up the only solution was to put her in her bed and let her cry. She would scream for a while and then go to sleep and sleep really well. But if I tried to comfort her absolutely nothing would work. Or if it did then she would only sleep for 20 minutes or so. Fr whatever reason she just really needed to cry-- it was like her method of de-stressing from stimulation. She turned into a really easy kid and a great sleeper once we figured this out. Anyway, it's never fun to listen to a baby cry, but some babies just need to. Since my first none of my babies have been like that. Now she's not high maitenance, but she's the kind of girl who's always got projects going and go go go all day. And if she gets over tired she still has a really hard time .
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  #12  
March 8th, 2013, 10:14 AM
eiramillek's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Lily has fits like that sometimes - all she wants is to suck. If I've nursed her and she just keeps popping right off, I offer her her pacifier and usually she falls right to sleep.
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  #13  
March 8th, 2013, 10:58 AM
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Hugs! Wow- I am glad we are talking about this because it is hard and I too am only getting like 1 hour of sleep a night. My baby loves to suck. I found the breastfeeding paci's from like walmart stink. I just tried Naturasutten paci's they actually touch the nose of the baby and are rubber not plastic just like they are nursingd (if interested just google and I got my from amazon). My baby will fall asleep nursing everytime and wants to hold my nipple in his mouth while he sleeps. The second I take him off (sometimes i leave him on for an hour) he screams. I tried this paci and it is working.
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  #14  
March 8th, 2013, 12:04 PM
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Join Date: Feb 2006
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Ellie also puts up a little bit of a fight but then settles down, we breastfeed, and then she's out. She does not like pacies at all, so I'm a human pacifier but honestly as long as she's well fed she is ok. Have you tried stripping her down when you bf? I had to do that as well with DD1 and sometimes with Ellie. That was she gets all the milk she needs and then I swaddle her towards the end and let her finish suckling till she falls asleep and by then I can burp her and eventually lay her down.
If your little girl is hungry she'll really let you know. She'll spit out the paci and then have an entire cry fest. You shouldn't feel guilty. If she requires a lot of comfort/suckling then the paci is going to liberate you. I know it did me with DD1. The more you bf the more you learn their patterns and cues.
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  #15  
March 13th, 2013, 06:38 PM
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Lurking from the June DDC:

Cluster feeding is a *****! My son did it to me for the first two weeks. What changed everything for me was buying a wrap. A nice snuggly stretchy comfy wrap (I used Sleepy Wrap). When he nursed and was showing signs of being done *eating* (not sucking, the difference is a more shallow latch and not swallowing any more) I'd pop him in the wrap. He'd scream and scream because he wanted to suck but I made sure to wear a button shirt so his cheek could rest on my skin (but not my boob) and I'd walk around the house and hum/sing. Within a minute or two he'd pass out. Sometimes I'd get really lucky and could take him out of it and lay him down so that I could rest. Many times my DH would wear him instead so I could sleep.

You can also start practicing side nursing. If you prop your legs in a number 4 position and use pillows to keep yourself tilted away a bit the odds of smothering/rolling over on the baby is pretty low. Especially if you're just dozing and/or your SO is nearby. I always told my DH to check on us in a few minutes once I began. Seriously, if you're laying in that position I don't see how it's possible to roll over because to do so you'd have to get up on your knees and flop down.

Also, if you need a breather ask your SO to take the baby for a walk outside, even at night. You wouldn't believe how quickly babies stop crying once they feel the outside air. If it's pretty cold out just bundle the baby up real well and pace in front of the house for a minute or two.
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  #16  
March 14th, 2013, 04:59 AM
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the walking outside part is so true... they fall asleep almost instantly.. at least my bundle of fuss does
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  #17  
March 14th, 2013, 09:42 AM
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I know it's hard, but don't let her fall asleep! Of course she will ask for more the moment you lay her down (or 30 minutes later), because she didn't get enough milk at the previous feeding.
Nursing is REALLY comforting to the babies so it's not wonder they pass out so easily. Some tips I've been told by a consultant was to remove a piece of clothing from baby (they will stay awake longer if they're not as warm), change their diaper (the activity itself will bring them back to awareness and again the temperature change helps), nudge them a bit when they fall asleep etc. Unlatching and relatching can work too.
That could help with the falling asleep part.

For the times when she just stops and acts uninterested, I would speak to a lactation consultant. Is it possible you have overactive let down? This might make a baby stop for a few minutes.

Also she might be using you as a pacifier so yes I would look into finding a good one.

Pumping could help - at least your husband can take over some of the feeding and you can get some down time and also give your nipples a break (you mentioned soreness).
That's what I did. My daughter was cluster feeding in the beginning I was also going insane with lack of rest and omg I had such bad pain I would dread the next feeding. On the second morning home I sent my husband on an emergency trip to buy a pump.

You can go to formula if you want but I'm not sure how that would solve the issue any better than pumping. She might still fall asleep, ask again in an hour, etc.

Good luck I hope something works. The important thing is that you're both happy and healthy.
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  #18  
March 15th, 2013, 09:48 AM
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Another thought I had is maybe since she got into this habit of grazing she's just not that hungry, because she ate just a short while ago. If we ate a little bit every hour we'd be unlikely to want to sit down to a full meal as well (if we're following hunger cues). So would it be possible to delay her feedings each time by just a little bit, to build a bit more hunger so she'll actually eat a proper amount, get fuller and hopefully not demand to be fed again in a short while? I know it may seem harsh but you can start with a short delay of a few minutes before feeding her.. do something to distract her in the meantime or change her etc. What did the doctor say?

ps just saw your post about the paci. I wouldn't worry, I don't think babies allow that to take the place of a feeding. When my daughter is actually hungry there's no way a paci will do, she will spit it out and ask for the real thing.
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  #19  
March 16th, 2013, 06:36 AM
mistletoe's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I just wanted to add that I feel your pain, and I'm right there with you. I'm still trying to figure everything out, and in the meantime I have moments where I just want to cry - make that, I just breakdown and do cry -- but there is a team of people that keep telling me it gets better. I am holding them to that.

If I figure out anything that seems to be working.

Hang in there.
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  #20  
March 18th, 2013, 02:26 PM
BeamerMarie- Due Jan 2012
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Texas!
Posts: 346
I went through this with my LO. I was going insane about it. I actually worked with two lactation consultants. Both told me that your boobs produce what you need, and even if you pump, she can suck out more because they instantly start producing when she sucks.

Drink lots of water! To produce six ounces of milk, you need at least six ounces of water. Your body needs water for you and her. I notice on days I drink more water, I make more milk.

I was terrified to pump, that she's be so hungry, but pumping and feeding her as made my boobs go CRAZY! I'm freezing up to 12 ounces a day, on top of feeding her. It's insanity. We can barely go grocery shopping as I'm afraid of getting engorged. I've overdone it. It wasn't always this way.

Also, she could be so comforted by you that she falls asleep. Both LC told me to get her naked, down to the diaper. Rub her lightly, scratch her back, shake her (VERY gently), and do anything you need to to keep her awake. I've tried startling her with noise when she falls asleep. She'll wake up and suck vigorously for a moment. I play with her feet, I blow on her, etc. It really helps!
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