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In a previous life I did a lot of counseling and I always said I would never be able to do that job if I had kids. When I quit, one of my favorite clients gave me some advice and I wanted to share it. She was one of those ladies that made motherhood look so easy and fun. She had 4 kids that were so cute and loved to clean their toys up and had great manners and where so fun to be around. They never acted up in public. I told her that I couldn't do that job with a family because I would not have any energy for my kids when i got home and she said, "when you become a mother join a mother's group". I was like I don't have time for that (I realized that is what this online group is) and she said "because you have to realize when you have kids you can't do it all". She said it took her a long time to realize that but once she did she was happier.
I think I realized that just this last week with my baby turning 1 month. I really didn't know what she had meant but now I do. It is not just the laundry and diapers but it is mental too. I realize I need a mental break and it doesn't hurt baby to have daddy time while I sneak out to run an errand.
I was curious if anyone else has had simular experiences with motherhood. Would you share something that you had to realize you can't do.
Motherhood means I can't spend a lot of time with hubby anymore. I miss him. We are always tag teaming for baby. I love my baby but I miss my hubby. We have a good relationship still but I can see that this is one huge area in my life that is forever changed by baby. Somethings (most are) are good of course but it is all different.
I can't successfully be a good housewife and a mother. I stink royally at it. My top priority is being a mom because I feel I chose to be a mom and my girls are very young and can't do things for themselves, so I spend nearly 100% of my time dedicating it to teaching dd1 new things (colors, letters, skills she'll need) and nurturing both while taking care of our new little baby. And I'm exhausted because dd1 is used to gourmet meals that I made her when it was just me and her and now I have a baby to take care of, plus all my other daily duties. Today is honestly the first day that I felt like, "Hey! I can do this!" Over the past two weeks I've cried almost every single day because I felt so overwhelmed. And in part it's my PPD, but in part even if I wasn't suffering from PPD I think I would feel overwhelmed.
I also miss DH. But I'll tell you for us it was just a phase, feeling that distance. You're getting adjusted to the new dynamic of your family. You're now three with someone that needs you 24/7. I know for us it got better as dd1 got older because even though they need you, you get into more of a routine, but you also have less diapers to change, you learn what their cries mean and sometimes they just need to hear your voice to calm down and go back to sleep even. They have nap time or if you're lucky an early bedtime and you can sit and maybe watch a movie or have a nice quiet dinner. It really does get better.
I know you've mentioned you're a person that needs space and quiet time, but have you tried texting your DH throughout your day? I know it helps DH and I keep "connected," sometimes we just talk about the baby. Like today I pumped and then fed the baby and her reflux seemed better and his response was nothing more than "that's good." But it's a way for him to be more involved in day to day things that happen with our girls that he can't be a part of because he's the working parent and for me to have some sort of adult interaction and actually talk to DH. He works a job where I can text him and call him or e-mail him though.
So to answer your question, I stink at being a housewife and a mother, and in the wife department too now that I think about it! For now it's ok with DH though. We've agreed that babies come first and we know that as the first year of their life progresses it gets better and we readjust to how our family works so that he and I have us time while still being good parents.
It gets better. Having a baby is a really big adjustment when you've been together for a while, just the two of you, and now this little bundle of love is here to be nurtured and needs diaper changes, feedings, and sooo much time and attention. It's natural to miss your DH.
I am on kid number 4 and miss hubby too but i can tell you it gets better after baby has been around for a few months as much as i miss him i know things will be back to "normal" in a few months so right now it's just all tag team with all the kids but i know he loves me, he knows i love him, even though it feels like forever since we last had a simple cuddle on the sofa or a proper conversation!! lol
I can't cradle an upset and unsettled baby and do the housework at the time same time! my house doesn't look spotless but the kids are fed and happy and that's all that matters right now i do the basic chores but other things have to wait!