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Forum: February 2013 Playroom

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  • 1 Post By ratladee

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  #1  
May 16th, 2013, 11:09 AM
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Ontario Canada
Posts: 2,684
So my husband did a really stupid and dangerous thing with our daughter. She is fine and it was a stupid mistake but I was furious. Long story short we fought about it for days, he walked out for hours, which just made me angry because he was the one at fault and running away won't solve what he did.

Anyway I kept trying to get him to sit and talk about things, as these days of fighting made us start fighting about other things too. He kept putting off talking, not really paying attention or just kept telling me to talk.

In a moment of frustration I ended up telling him that I can't trust him with the baby, and that if he refuses to talk about things then we are better off as friends and that I was done fighting but I was also done with us being a couple and we would just live together as co-parents.

Once I stopped trying to work on things all the fighting stopped and things were just calm and nice. He told me a few times over the next day that he still wanted us to be together and that he loves me but I kept shutting him down because honestly I liked that we were not fighting and just wanted the peace to stay.

I did go see someone and so did he. I do realize that it was a mistake that he made and he loves us. I do love him and I want us to be together or really just break up this situation of living together but not being a couple doesnt work.

So now I don't know how to get things back. He doesnt want to talk about anything, he is so polite and helpful but there is no hugging kissing or anything between us...what can I do from here to try and get us back to being a couple but making sure he realizes what I need from him?
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  #2  
May 16th, 2013, 01:32 PM
ratladee's Avatar Madison Marie, My Sweet P
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Fort Leavenworth, KS
Posts: 3,386
What did he do? That really needs answering before, depending on if my husband did something dangerous with our children would be whether or not I see the worth in fixing the marriage. My children will always come first before him now, and that includes their safety and I won't jeapordize that.
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  #3  
May 16th, 2013, 02:13 PM
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Ontario Canada
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What he did was horrible in my opinion (he forgot her somewhere) but I know that it was truly just a mistake and that he does love the kids more then anything. I am not concerned that he will do that again, and he is working actively at his parenting, through programs, and a councellor.

My issue is that if I want us to try and work on being a couple I don't really know how to start things with him, because at this point he is just civil, there is no relationship happening currently. I turned him down every time he tried so he is making no effort to try with us anymore.
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  #4  
May 16th, 2013, 07:21 PM
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I think to move past this you should see a counselor/therapist together. I think you feel the need for an explanation or dialog of sorts and if he really wants a relationship with you it is an effort he should want to make.
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Last edited by LuckyOne; May 16th, 2013 at 07:36 PM.
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  #5  
May 17th, 2013, 07:55 AM
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 424
I am in NO position to ever give relationship advice. I just wanted to say *hugs* because I have definitely been in a position like yours and it stinks because you probably just want to get past this so you can snuggle your new baby without the drama.
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  #6  
May 17th, 2013, 10:08 AM
ratladee's Avatar Madison Marie, My Sweet P
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Fort Leavenworth, KS
Posts: 3,386
Can you guys go on a date night?
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  #7  
May 19th, 2013, 09:38 PM
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 584
Go on dates. Honestly, you don't even have to leave the house for the date although it would be better. My dh and I had a hard time recently caused by a few things. I would say to tell him you love him everyday and start with the basics. Asking him how his day was and build conversation. He may feel terrible about what happened. That mixed with what you told him may make him wary of reaching out to you.
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  #8  
May 20th, 2013, 05:32 AM
eiramillek's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: VA
Posts: 2,197
I can understand why you're upset but its one of those things that you have to just realize that mistakes happen and he's only human. We want to think we're the perfect parent who would never forget our kid somewhere, but the reality is, that could even happen to you if you were busy or preoccupied.

Unless my husband purposely does something, I don't put blame on him. We all mistakes and accidents will always happen.

I also agree with a date night
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