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I am lost! (long / not baby related) :(


Forum: February 2013 Playroom

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  • 1 Post By wishing
  • 1 Post By Sassalota

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  #1  
January 4th, 2014, 01:54 AM
MiaVena's Avatar Proud Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 1,862
Hi!

I know i havent written here for a long long time, but now i feel i really need some advice. I have searched google for similar situations for some advice, but havent found any so i was considering asking some forum myself. I dont know any good forums and here i feel more "home" with you ladies.

Anyway. When i was 16 i started dating the father of my son.. moved together when we were 18. Our relationship then was perfect and i was cheering about it, because i thought we were the most honest couple ever seen! So.. when i was pregnant it turned out he had been lying about his depts, about where his money is going and his "gamble" in online games. That was his first lie that came out and i almost cried my eyes out. He promised not to lie again so i gave another chance. Then the next thing was that he didnt pay the bills and he didnt tell me. Then he asked for my money to pay his phone but the next day still a Warning letter came ...and he said that money was stolen from him and he couldnt pay it. Anyways these kinds of small lies here and there started bundling up. Then when i had the baby it seemed it was getting better and he stopped, whetever he was doing. When my baby reached 4 months then i found out he was using my phone nr for some weird txt messages and reached about 180euro limit. he said i shouldnt worry, that he is going to pay for it, but i didnt care i shouted and yelled and cried and told him he is a piece of xxxxxx! and the next day he just packed his bags, told me he wasnt ready to be a dad and that im too tense for him and he has over 1000 euro depts and he is going to leave me. I even mentioned it on Facebook. Anyways he was gone for about 5 months, but i didnt get over him (or maybe the habit of having him) and he started to flirt with me again and i decided to give him another chance.
We are not living together right now... and he said he is working on fixing his life and debts, but i dont see any progress so far. Sometimes we barely even talk. He is trying to be the "oh, how is our baby? send me some pictures!" or comes over, gives him kisses and hugs sometimes... but in reality, im still alone with him. I spend my everyday life alone... no matter if i passively "have him back".. we dont share our everyday difficulties.
So a little while back i started talking with this other guy.... and he seems rly interesting. And it seems he is interested in us too. That made me feel even worse.
My mother said that i shouldnt pass and block any good guy coming into my life because of my "ex"...
So now i feel i have to leave him ... because i feel im spitting on a very good guy just because im "waiting" for my "ex" to grow up.
It hurts from the inside because i know what i have to do.. or maybe im just confused. Why am i still with him?? Is it an old "habit"?? What should i do? ( i feel so lost and i dont want to hurt my "ex" but i dont want to be hurt myself. I dont know what to tell him.

He was my first and i havent dumped anyone before in my life and its heartbreaking

Sorry for the long sob story and i wonder if you even understand my problem, because i wrote it so fast :/ Anyways thanks for reading.
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  #2  
January 6th, 2014, 07:29 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Ontario Canada
Posts: 2,684
relationship, love, and parenthood is so hard. There is no right or wrong answer to what you are going to do.

He may change or he may not. You really need to focus on what you want for you.

Honestly right now is not the best time to be adding another male. You need to be sure 100 percent about what you want with your baby daddy. Once you have fully made the decision to stay or leave then figure out what to do from there. Even if your answer is to leave him completely its probably better to focus on yourself and motherhood. There is always time to find a new relationship, if you don't sort out your feelings and the baggage completely you will have trouble in all future relationships as well.

Good luck with making your decision.
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  #3  
January 7th, 2014, 12:34 PM
Veteran
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 478
Hugs to you!

I agree with wishing. I don't think the decision is which guy but how about just take some time for you and baby. I have learned if a choice feels conflicted then neither one is a good one. You will know for sure when the time is right and now is not the time. I see so many women jump into a relationship when they are not over the last one and it seems from your post you need to heal yet so take your time. If this guy is suppose to be in your life he will wait.

Don't rush.
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  #4  
January 7th, 2014, 09:28 PM
MiaVena's Avatar Proud Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 1,862
Thank you for the advice. I believe you are right. I think i need to just take some time off and let things roll the way they do. If i cant let go right now, it means that im not ready yet. Pfft. I even dont want to see my "ex" right now <.<
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