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Maybe pushing the date back even further (TMI warning)

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  • 1 Post By 4hearts
  • 1 Post By Terra_Mater

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August 27th, 2012, 07:53 AM
Terra_Mater's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Calabasas, CA
Posts: 156
DF and I discussed rearranging our plans again, so finally agreed to not set a date on anything just yet. Finances are so unstable, so once we have saved up about $2000 then we will probably feel a bit better about TTC. I feel prepared to start trying in spring next year, but he would like to wait for 3 more years. We both agree we need to compromise, but can't seem to figure out what that middle ground is.

Introducing condoms back. I am allergic to latex so we have been using the pull+pray method for the past 4 years; I am very careful to watch my cycles. I would never feel good about conceiving if it weren't his choice as well, so there is no way I would lie to him. That, to me, is just as bad as cheating. So I am honest, and we are careful, but he suggested yesterday that we go back to the sheepskin kind. I told him that they aren't very reliable and they can break easier, but he said he is okay with that. (Secretly hoping for an oops!)

So, although a part of me feels like it's moving backwards, I almost think it is going to raise my chances of conceiving. Going to do my best to create plenty of opportunities for magic to happen, and save as much money as I can in the meantime.

Brainstorming money saving ideas:

+ Pick up some massages on the side at home, not just at work.
+ When phone plan comes time to renew, don't renew and instead get a landline.
+ Go to medical buildings and meet doctors, get cross-references and increase client base.
+ Make grocery lists/meal plans diligently.
+ Garage sale?
+ Settle past debts, see if they are willing to make a deal.

Mostly just trying to get my thoughts out, but any advice/suggestions/comments are appreciated! Anybody else have similar stuff going on?
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August 28th, 2012, 08:34 PM
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Floor-ree-dah
Posts: 3,388
That's tough. May I ask why he wants to wait so long? If it's money, lemme just say (and you're probably tired of hearing this) but "If you wait until you can afford them, you may never have them". But there are a lot of variables, I'm sure. Like do you have health insurance to cover the pg and the baby's pediatrician? Will you be a SAHM or will you need to hire a sitter? Is your living situation baby friendly or could be made so relatively cheaply?

I was 20 y/o when my then BF and I got knocked up. (pull and pray). We lived in a singlewide and had health insurance. Since then we've had two more and didn't move into a 3 BR house until I was pg with #3. DH has gotten a few raises with his employer and I have been a SAHM for 6 yrs now. It's had it's moments of worrying where the next meal would come from but we made it through and are great now.

Is DF someone who would appreciate NTNP and leaving it up to fate/God/chance?

Does this have anything to do with a future wedding? Is he wanting to get that done first?

I just wanted to give you feedback bc I was kind of in your boat at one time. I hope I didn't get too personal and I wish you luck that he compromises soon.
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August 29th, 2012, 10:04 AM
Terra_Mater's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Calabasas, CA
Posts: 156
No, you didn't get to personal! That's great thank you very much for your support!

Maybe he is thinking of marriage first. I know he won't agree to NTNP mainly because I know too much about my cycle and he knows that I would know when I am ovulating. :/

I definitely agree with you on the financial aspect, you can't ever be prepared for kids. It's good to know such a success story has happened! Sounds like you and DH got together at about the same time DF and I did.

Basically, I just need to trust that all will work out when it is supposed to. Maybe I can start saving money and show him we are ready for kids. I can also occupy myself with wedding planning. Thank you for your advice!
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September 3rd, 2012, 05:02 PM
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Floor-ree-dah
Posts: 3,388
That's funny about your DF realizing you aren't capable of NTNP. We NTNP'd DD2 and I knew I was ovulating and didn't say anything. When i told him about the I cried bc I felt bad for "misleading" him but he couldn't have been happier! Thank God!

I think your idea of saving $ and wedding planning is a great idea. Another idea I have is you can start scrapbooking your life as it is now and maybe some stuff from when you and DF got together. There is an excellent board (Paper Scrapbooking) on here and they really motivate you. I wish I had started before having kids but I didn't until about a yr ago and I have no time to do it now. I say this all with the thought in mind that you may not have any interest at all in scrapping and if so, that's cool.

I see that you got a date pinned down for TTC. How did that come about? If you don't mind me asking. Oh and congrats!
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September 3rd, 2012, 05:34 PM
Terra_Mater's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Calabasas, CA
Posts: 156
Thanks for the suggestions! The date is moreso for my own piece of mind, having a date helps me save money and budget. It is tentative right now, kind of up in the air mostly because of finances. In the meanwhile scrapbooking and crafting in general sounds like an amazing idea. I have been into card crafting/origami lately and I bet I could bring those skills into my books! Sometimes I wish I didn't open my big fat mouth to DF, so he didn't know so much about my cycle. But in the end I think it works for us, as it seemed to work out for you guys as well!
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