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My parents are of the "have 1 or 2 and get a tubal" mentality and we are... not. This is our 6th and yeah, it is overwhelming in a way to think I will have another baby, but it can also be overwhelming when it's your first, or 2nd or 3rd! For my last 2 kids, my parents barely acknowledged the pregnancy. For example last time I waited to tell them until I got my 8 week ultrasound (I had a blighted ovum before so I didn't want to spread the news until I knew all was well). What I did to tell them was I emailed my mom the ultrasound pic of the baby with the little bitty arms and legs and I drew a talky bubble on it in MS Paint that said "Hello!" or something. I thought it was cute, and that way they could think about and then when I talked to my mom on the phone, she could tell me. Well, if I remember right, she didn't mention it a couple times when we talked and didn't email back! I finally asked her (if I remember right) if she got it and she said Yeah, and that was about it. Maybe she asked when I was due or something. But no "congratulations" or anything. Very just... oh. And then for months of my pregnancy she didn't mention anything about the baby unless I did. I'm quite sure both my parents are embarrassed that their daughter has 5 kids, and especially to tell their friends and relatives that I'm expecting again. So I'm sure it's going to be worse with #6. I literally think my mom will cry when she finds out. No joke. And it makes me mad in a way, and it makes me sad that they won't be happy for us and don't think babies are blessings. So I don't know how you tell someone (especially your parents) when you know their hearts are going to sink. It's so weird.
Any ideas? I don't really want to tell her verbally because it will be so awkward and I don't want to hear her *gulp*, etc.
Anybody else dreading telling someone?
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Mom to Titus (9), Isaiah (8), Noelle (5), Joel (4), Hannah (1), and baby due Sept 10!
If my parents acted like that I just wouldn't tell them. That's so rude and immature! If they ask why later I'd just say, you never seemed to care enough before so what's the point? Both my parents and my in laws had five kids so they've been supportive of each pregnancy. I don't get how anyone could act like that to their own children about their freaking grandchildren. I think it's just shameful Anyway, just wanted to wish you luck. Sorry you have to feel that way with such wonderful exciting news to share.
I wouldnt say im dreading it, but im not really looking forward to it either, im sure they will have some comment to make about us having 3 so close in age
Neither of my parents were that thrilled when I told them. My mom was more just cautious because I don't think she thinks pregnancies actually count until you are farther along. Whatever. My dad just shook his head. I was pretty bummed by both of their reactions so I know how you feel. I would just wait until you are comfortable in the pregnancy and matter of fact explain to them that you don't want their negativity. Then I would just do your best to keep yourself surrounded by those who support you and ignore your parents' disappointment. It's not their life and they should want to see you happy.
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Thanks to *Sharon* for my awesome siggy! My pregnancy blog
I'm totally dreading telling my family. My parents are constantly saying that 3 is more than enough. Ugh. I need to grow some balls and just get it over with.
The funny thing is, my parents had 5 children, yet my dad thinks one is enough for his children. With the one I lost, he wasn't happy at all when I told him. "oh great, another mouth to feed"...I got pretty upset and then he felt bad, then when I lost it he felt really bad. I just told him I won't tell him in the future and I don't think he liked that either. My mom is always excited, and wants to tell everyone, which is why she doesn't get to find out early this time.
I kinda agree that I just wouldn't tell them, and then when it becomes obvious, just tell them you didn't think they cared...maybe make them feel a little bad?
I feel your pain. This is my 5th ( really sixth but my last son was stillborn at 22 weeks). My husbands dad is the worst one to tell because he thought 1 was plenty. I went ahead and told everyone and they took it better than I expected with several comments about how stupid we are but I really don't care what they think. My husband supports us with no help from anyone so if I want to have 10 kids that is my choice. We were done after 4 we thought but when I found out I was pregnant with my last son and we lost him I just feel like a hole in our family. No baby will ever replace him but this makes our family feel a little more complete.
So I'm not the only one. Makes me feel better, but that's also unfortunate, of course.
The good thing is that so far my parents haven't really said much that was explicitly negative about my pregnancies (other than a few small comments here and there - like when my 4th child was worrying me because he wasn't talking a lot at 3 yrs old and my dad said, "That's what happens when you have a bunch of kids." Mmmm k? So that's why all them Duggars are mute. ).
Anyhoo, I don't want to throw it in their faces and be a snot or anything. But I also don't want to open any doors for them to tell me what they really think, because then it could go downhill. But I just *know* what they are thinking, even if they don't say it. It's just not fun to tell somebody something that you know they don't want to hear... especially when they should be happy for you.
Maybe I will take a picture of my youngest wearing a "big sister" shirt and send it to my mom and say next arrival is due in March or something. That way I can make my attempt at making it happy news and if they don't receive it that way, they can think on it before they say something we both would regret.
The other bad thing is I have made comments about how homeschooling should be easier this year because I won't be pregnant (uhh... prophetess I am not!). So I think my mom was thinking *PHEW* and that maybe we would "wise up" about having kids. So this might come as an ever bigger blow. oy. I almost want to tell them now instead of in a few weeks just to get it over with.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ...Aimee...
If my parents acted like that I just wouldn't tell them. That's so rude and immature! If they ask why later I'd just say, you never seemed to care enough before so what's the point? Both my parents and my in laws had five kids so they've been supportive of each pregnancy. I don't get how anyone could act like that to their own children about their freaking grandchildren. I think it's just shameful Anyway, just wanted to wish you luck. Sorry you have to feel that way with such wonderful exciting news to share.
BTW, this is what dh says. He said just don't tell them. But I just don't want to be the bad guy. I want to be able to say that I gave them the chance and they can make the choice to be supportive or not. I'm afraid that even if my mom won't be happy, it would hurt her feelings if everyone else knew for months and she didn't.
I am not pg yet (or at least no BF) but I am going to have the same thing happen to us. I have already had 3 premature babies and 4 c/sections (and God willing a 5th soon) and no one can understand why I am willing to "risk my life" to have another.
My MIL will get really excited and my parents will too as the pregnancy goes on but there is gloom and doom and worry surrounding my babies.
I have never done the whole "secret" thing but I am going to this time. I think it will draw Kevin and I closer together to keep it between us for a while. I am even thinking about waiting 15 weeks or so before my first OB appt since my OB freaks out too. The sooner I announce it the sooner the drama/worry has to start so I am going to be excited but I want to keep it a secret until I find out what the baby is and for me I have always found out at about 15 weeks.
I didn't want to tell my parents or my MIL for the simple fact of hearing "are you going to be able handle 3 kids?"....So my immature husband called his mother up and said, "Joy's pregnant" and hung up the phone lol. I thought he was lying about it until I guess she let it sink it and then called me the next morning.. I could have strangled him lol.
I didn't want to tell my parents or my MIL for the simple fact of hearing "are you going to be able handle 3 kids?"....So my immature husband called his mother up and said, "Joy's pregnant" and hung up the phone lol. I thought he was lying about it until I guess she let it sink it and then called me the next morning.. I could have strangled him lol.
Bahahaha!! That's hilarious! (I mean.. I'm sorry to hear that.) That is annoying, but hilarious at the same time.
I'm sorry...I should be telling you to be sweet and do whatever but come ON...your family is supposed to support YOU! They should be loving and supportive no matter WHAT. If they don't agree then they should be quiet unless they can show love and support!
With THAT being said, I would do what others have said...I would keep quiet (to them) until it's obvious you are large with child then let them muddle through it and teach them that their lack of support alienated them from you when it could have been a joint rejoicing experience. *off soap box*
Why can't parents just SUPPORT their children! I cannot stand all the negative comments about numbers of kids, having your hands full, etc. It is really none of their business and we do not need their opinions!! How about being HAPPY and SUPPORTIVE. Are they going to be raising and paying for the baby? No! So back off!
My mother is totally freaking out about me wanting a water birth. She is going insane. And I get the "but you already have 2 healthy children, why would you want to risk having another?" Now I was a NICU baby and was not healthy and pointed out that I was the second born
I have the same issues. Im pregnant with #7 and I do NOT want to tell my parents. I just dont want to hear what they have to say. When I had the molar pregancy last year, it was very stressful and I had a hard time with it all my mom could worry about was whether I was going to try again or not.
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Lisa Mommy to
Madison Yvonne and Hailey Yvonne 1-12-00 identical twins, c section 32 weekers
Jenna Noelle 4-17-02, VBAC 6 pounds 15 ounces, 19 inches
John Allen 4-4-06, VBAC 6 pounds 2 ounces 19 inches long
Paige Belle 5-21-07, VBAC 5 pounds 9 ounces 17 inches
Ava Marie 2-28-09, VBAC 5 pounds 10 ounces,16 1/2 inches
Jackson Douglas 2-13-13, VBAC 6 pounds 5 ounces, 19 inches
The one person I dreaded telling the most was my Dad. Reason being because when I found out with Hunter I was pregnant I told him and his reaction was "another..why..kids are too expensive..good luck" this time his reaction was "you gotta be kidding..don't you realize the cost..well..congratulations". Well the next day I found out from my sister that he was saying a lot behind my back about how I cannot afford another..blah blah... my Dad has always been a jerk about money he is one of those people that saves and saves and saves. Yeah we may be tight at times and we live in an apartment by choice right now upkeeping a house with us both working full time is just not reasonable right now. Quite frankly I feel like it is non of his fricken business I don't borrow money from him or anyone.
Yikes. This is my third, and most of the parents said "did you mean to do that?" as if it was an accident. As if there was any good that could come from that statement. If I had said no would they be sad about the pregnancy? That's just silly. Also they are all prolife so I am not sure what alternative they were thinking of if it had been an accident!
That said this baby was planned and I felt like god was calling me to have more children which even my religious family members roll their eyes at. I'm with you all, if I can afford them all on my own and I don't ask them for anything, why be anything but happy about it?
I don't speak to my mom. I'm not DREADING telling my dad, but I am going to wait until I'm a bit farther along. With my first one, we weren't married when I got pregnant and his reaction was a long pause and then "so are you guys getting married?"... With my second he was happy for me.... But I'm divorced now and the baby is to me & my SO, so I'm wondering what his reaction will be.
My SO is worried about telling his mom. His dad is not in the picture & hasn't been since he was very young and the man he considers "dad" is dead. I'm not worried about telling his mom. We get along great and she mentioned to me just yesterday about how she has wanted grandbabies. She's good w/ my kids and loves having them over, even tho technically they are not blood.
Not sure how our parents will react but in the end if we are happy then they should be too, and if not, that's their loss.
I'm sorry you have to deal with such nonsense from your parents. If I were in your shoes I simply wouldn't tell my parents. The next time she sees you, and you are showing, if she asks you about it be like "oh yeah, I must've forgot to tell you"... Give her a taste of her own medicine... How rude is she! ((HUGS))
