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It's finally over. DH( who is actually my Boyfriend, but just refer to him as my husband because it's easier) and I are over. He is extremely bipolar and got angry at me last night for asking what time we could check in to the hotel today for a wedding we were going to in te cape(cape cod) because I wanted to know if I should nap before we leave to go or when we get there of we could check in early.. He thought I said it in a ****** tone(but I didn't, ad even if I did, I'm pregnant!) He flipped. Lost his mind.. Left. Called my mother and told her I need to be medicated as he's worried about me etc.. Etc.. Then coming home he said he'd never marry me and wants to be a dad, but he'll give up that dream now because he doesn't want to be a dad to a kid with me.. Then he left for the night and never came home. He was here when I got home from my half day at work tonight, he didn't say a word to me, and left for the weddind 5 minutes later.. He won't answer my txts or calls.. I am so hurt. This isn't the first time he's done this(but it is the last.) every few days he loses is mind and flips about something I supossedly did/said.. Ob the weekends he drinks(I've never been a drinking or much of a social butterfly like him).. And he wakes me up drunk to scream at me. Last weekend he said(because he woke me up at 2:44am with food and I said I didn't want any cuz I was tired..) so he told me I'm a spec in the universe and nothing without him, my family doesn't love me, and he wouldn't piss on me if I was on fire.. He is insane. I recorded that argument on my phone because of how he talks about me to people do I actually have the proof of how he is... I don't know what happened to him to make him this way. He has been worst to me during/after IVF/bfp than he was before . This was a planned baby 100%.
I don't know how to leave him.. I've never known how. The only place I have Togo in to move to Michigan where my mom and her husband live(I live in Boston) because I cant afford a baby here on my own and they are more than happy to take me in and want to.. I just don't know how to go.. This is so unhealthy, especially now that I'm pregnant. I'm embarassed because we just told almost everyone.. He won't talk to me, or get couples or individual therapy.. He thinks knowing is wrong with him. And I swear on my baby that I never do anything to him to create issues. I am never a ***** or anything. I'm good to him...
I know I need to leave because it will NEVER. Get better.. Ever. And I can't be one of those woman that stay and have my child witness this during their life. Nor am I going to pretend its going to get better once the baby gets here, because he's not going to change..
I just don't know how to leave..
You need to just do it. Pack your bags (while he is gone if necessary) and go. Either take a bus or a plane. Heck, drive if you have to. You don't need to be in a relationship like that at all. I was in one before (with my ex husband) only he was also physically abusive, and stayed way too long. You need to just go, before it gets worse...
I was in the same position as you in 2006, although it was a teeny bit different. He was a drug addict (which I wasn't aware of at the time) and when I miscarried he blamed me, told me I must have done something wrong, etc etc. He would go out drinking and come home at 3 am and wake me up screaming at me about stuff that I wasn't even aware of. One time he called me on my phone saying he knew I was with some guy and was cheating on him (I was at home sleeping) and that he was going to kill us both. That was pretty much the last straw with me. I called up a friend and he helped me get the hell out before my ex got home. For weeks after that he would call me and leave messages on my voicemail about how he wished I would die, how I was never going to have kids, how I was a horrible human being and all I was to him was someone to look after his dogs, etc. It got so bad I had to switch my phone number and switched my entire work shift around so he couldn't get to me (he would come to my work looking for me).
You need to leave. He's a destructive person and you DO NOT need that mental abuse. I know it's hard and he's the father of your child, but you need to look out for you and your child first. He needs some serious help. If you have any close friends that you can trust to help you move out or even to let you stay for a day or two until you can get some things situated so you can move back to Michigan, that would be ideal. You know what I did? I took my clothes and the things that mattered the most and I left. I left A LOT of stuff behind and told him in a message that he could sell the stuff or do whatever he wanted with it.
I agree with all the other ladies. Run, far far away. You and the little one don't need that right now. That is too much stress and B.S to be putting up with. I would leave when he isn't around, so it doesn't start a huge fight. I hope you figure something out soon!
Nobody deserves to be abused like that and thats exactly what it is! I have been in many abusive (mentally and physically) in the past and they never change. Your baby does not deserve to grow up in that envirorment and you deserve the chance to not live in fear about when the other shoe will drop and he will flip out again. Get out!!!! Good luck, you and that baby can have a good life:-)
I can only imagine how difficult and scary it must be to think about leaving, but my God you NEED to NOW!
You have a precious baby to think about now, do NOT subject your child to his crazy behavior. I don't care what you said or did, you should NEVER be treated like that. That behavior is completely unacceptable.
Pack up and go to your mom's. You don't need to be in this situation. You can do it! I wish you the absolute best. KUP.
Pack whatever you can in your suitcase and the things that are most important to you, and leave the rest. Who cares.
Call your work, tell them you are sorry, but you will no longer be coming to work.
If you have a car, get in, start heading west, and don't look back. If you don't have a car, get your ***** to the train station, bus depot, or airport.
If you don't have cash, use your credit card, you can pay it off later. Or call your mom and ask her to wire you some money. If she knew half of what you are experiencing right now, I'm sure she won't mind one bit.
Once you're gone the battles going to get hard though, trust me as an ex to a Narcisist. If he's like many others with mental illnesses he'll do everything in his power to get you back, play every card he knows how to. You CANNOT give in, he will NEVER change. As much as he may say he will, he will not. Do not take his calls, do not text back and forth, block his number, block his email, change your number if you have to, do not give him your new address, just cut ties. It's hard as hell, but you HAVE TO DO IT.
I cannot imagine that. I am so so sorry hun. I would take the advice of the other ladies and run. As far away from him as you can. That environment isn't healthy for you OR your baby. Is there family you can go to? You definitely need to get out of there. My DH was brought up with an abusive/drunk father and to this day he still has issues over it.
I am so sorry again, this shouldn't have to happen to anyone. Sending thoughts and prayers your way that you can find an escape.
I was in an almost identical relationship. The guy had major problems and would yell and scream at me for no reason all of the time. It took me two years to leave him even though I knew it was an unhealthy relationship. I met my dh two months later and have never looked back.
I know it is easy for us to sit here and tell you to leave because my friends would do the same thing. They would constantly tell me to leave and never understood why I couldn't just pack my bags and get out. I'm so glad I eventually did though and I am sure you will be too.
The biggest thing you have to think about now is that baby. Not only is this a scary and unhealthy environment for you but can you imagine him going into a rage and screaming at you while you are holding a newborn? Or even worse, he may do that stuff to your child once he/she gets older. No one should have to live like that and clearly he needs a lot of professional help. I really hope you are able to pack up your stuff and head to your parents. It is what is best for you and especially the baby.
(((hugs))) we are all here for you no matter what.
As a mom, I know how I would react if my daughter were in the same situation. I would be paying for her to fly out IMMEDIATELY...and I would insist that she came to my home. Tell your mom. I'm sure she'll get you out of there. I'd leave while he's gone.
There are plenty of fabulous men out there. Don't stay with one who is a jerk.
You are a wonderful, caring indivual and you deserve better than that. You need to get out of there when he's not around. You already know in your heart it can't work out so dragging it out isn't healthy for you or the baby Once you leave, you will be amazed at how much better you will feel.
Ask yourself a big question, once your child is here, would you let him yell and scream at your child? How is that enviroment going to benefit your baby? Think of what he or she will learn ...
I agree, the BEST thing you can do is quietly while he is not there, pack and drive away as fast as you can. Take it from me, it gets worse and never gets better.
Does he do drugs? It sounds like it could be drug problem. Maybe leaving will make him reallize he really does have a problem and needs help and if it doesnt then you shouldnt be with him anyways. Try to look at it as its not just you anymore... Now the baby is involved and has no say in the environment it grows up in. You have to protect your baby... Its what us mommies do If you dont mind me asking, where in MI do your parents live? Im in Grand Rapids.
yeah, I agree with these ladies...LEAVE.NOW!! I would wait until he's at work or out for a while....DON'T TELL HIM ANYTHING....quickly pack what's MOST important and personal. Leave the rest. Take any cash you can get, get in the car...personally, I'd drive to the next state and leave via that airport. I might stay in a hotel in another state if I couldn't get a flight immediately. I would change the passwords on the credit cards so he can't access them online and track your expenditures as you travel. If he so much as BREATHES at you, I'd get a restraining order against him so he can't even come close to your shadow. His behavior sounds like he is mentally unstable which is TOXIC to both a pregnant woman and your innocent baby. Please go to your mother and start over! Please be safe and leave! KUP
Huge, huge hugs you to my dear. I really hope you do what's best for you and your baby and leave. I know how hard it is, believe me, I really do.
I agree with packing up your necessities and leaving ASAP. If you can drive, drive. Or take the train. The train is usually a good deal and you can get up and walk around, which would be good for you and your legs for such a long trip.
Please keep us updated, let us know you're in a safe place.
Leave, and don't second guess yourself. My best friend is getting a divorce from a man hat sounds identical to your boyfriend. She has a 4 and 7 year old and let me tell you those kids have suffered so much due to what they have seen and heard. If you leave now your child has a chance of escaping a life filled with instability, sadness, fear, and thinking that is how you treat people.
I am a counselor and I have yet to see someone completely change when acting the way you describe. I would say he has mood disorders, and potential a substance issue.
I know no one can tell you what to do, but leave and give your baby a chance.
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It's over. Moving to Michigan :(
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Always missing my 3 angels. 2/9/06, 3/12/11, 5/22/12 
If you dont mind me asking, where in MI do your parents live? Im in Grand Rapids.
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thank you so much Helen!
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