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distraught over him


Forum: March 2013 Playroom

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  #1  
September 5th, 2012, 08:06 PM
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Today my boyfriend calls and sounds very happy. When I asked him what was up he asked he how I'd feel if he got a job close to where he's living now. He's currently in school about 3 hours away. I said it would be great if it were a temp job so he could still move down here in Dec. He wants to finish school in Philadelphia (his choice) so I agreed to keep teaching down here until he gets his degree. Then, he explained to me that the job he wanted to apply for was full time, permanent, and even farther away. But it would pay well. He wouldn't go to school. He is eligible for the GI bill which helps with housing if he goes to college. He was asking my opinion on becoming a single parent (and go totally broke trying to support myself and a baby, so he could line his pockets. I started to cry. He doesn't understand why this would upset me and blamed it on pregnancy hormones. Btw, we had to have a long distance relationship for nearly all of the 5yrs we've been together because of my job and his military service and school.
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  #2  
September 5th, 2012, 08:11 PM
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He asked your opinion on becoming a single parent?

Is this guy smoking something?

I'm totally confused.... If he cares about you, and this baby, why would he be asking your opinion on becoming a single parent?

Let him take the job making bank. That means more child support for you since he wants to be a douche.
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  #3  
September 5th, 2012, 08:29 PM
naalie's Avatar Co Host of the March DDC
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Wow, what was he expecting you to say? That you were excited at the prospect of dealing with pregnancy and finances and LIFE alone? How could he be so dense?
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  #4  
September 5th, 2012, 09:06 PM
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I don't think he asked her about being a single parent I think he asked her about the job and for her, since she's not willing to move that means single parenthood.

Honestly. I don't think you're being realistic. If he doesn't want to be in school and it's not gonna benefit or put him where he wants to be then what's the point of him wasting his time, the school's time and the government's money. My husband is in the Navy and I'm working on a teaching degree BECAUSE it can be portable. There are children and adults needing to learn everywhere. If he has an opportunity available and the job pays well, you could work the finances while you move and get settled with the baby.
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  #5  
September 5th, 2012, 10:17 PM
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He sounds like he approached this in a really insensitive way.

Would a solution be for you to work until December and then move to be with him, his new high paying job and you take some time off to just "be" and have the first year or so with the new baby and him?
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  #6  
September 6th, 2012, 03:51 AM
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It was his decision that I should stay in Philadelphia. He even said in the call i'd be here and he'd be there. the subject of me moving came up earlier this year. I also stressed to him to get a skilled job because he wasn't doing well in school. I am not pushing him to go. He is too stubborn to listen so I chose to support him instead. Now that I CAN'T up and leave my job because of health insurance and my finances, he wants to change his earlier decisions.
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  #7  
September 6th, 2012, 06:15 AM
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You need to make these choices together. Tell him no and that it wont work. Explain that you want to stick to the original plan. He has a child on the way and he needs to think about not only the financial side but the emotional too.

Look for solutions that suit you both, school where you are, taking a break from school, you moving if you can or transfering where you get to keep your health insurance...

I am so sorry he is acting like this.

I honestly have no idea how he could ask if you want to do it on your own, what person honestly wants to raise their child on their own?
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  #8  
September 6th, 2012, 07:03 AM
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Based on the way you're wording your phrases I'm still getting the feeling he never came out and said you stay there now that he's found this job but that you feel like you CAN'T move. I keep getting the feeling that he suggested you stay there earlier and now financial reasons have you feeling like you're stuck.

If you didn't want him to stay in school and now he has the opportunity to do what you wanted him to do in the first place....where's the flexibility?
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  #9  
September 6th, 2012, 07:10 AM
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I agree, he's being selfish and needs to make decisions WITH you. Talk over what it would mean for you to move there VS sticking with the original plan. Is this relationship something worth working through? If so, tell him...tell him you want to work through this and you understand that this is a BIG opportunity but you need to discuss this TOGETHER...
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  #10  
September 6th, 2012, 07:42 AM
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I don't blame you for being upset. Especially if your health insurance benefits work the same as mine. I've been wanting a new job, but I can't leave now or I won't be accepted under a new insurance plan since pregnancy is considered a pre-existing condition still. I assume that is the same situation you are in? I agree that would make it really tough to move with your boyfriend if he were to get this new job. Although, could you continue to do the long distance thing while you are pregnant and then move to be with him during your maternity leave and then hopefully get a new job in his area once you are ready to return to work? Just throwing that idea out there.

Regardless, the way he handled it is completely upsetting and I would be so mad too. (and NOT just because of pregnancy hormones). It sounds like he is putting his needs before you and the baby's and that is not okay. I definitely agree that you two need to try and talk this out in person. Maybe write down your thoughts ahead of time so you don't get upset in the heat of an argument and are able to make your valid points so that he will take you seriously and won't just blame it on pregnancy hormones. ((hugs)) I hope everything works out!
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  #11  
September 6th, 2012, 08:02 AM
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Actually if you have continuance of coverage, you don't have to worry about pre-existing conditions (although that will be illegal soon thank goodness, whoever came up with the idea of pre-existing conditions had better be burning in hell)

I am sorry this is such a struggle, it is something the two of you should be deciding together, and not something he should decide on his own. It sounds like you both need to figure out what is best for you, and first of all what is best for the baby.
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  #12  
September 6th, 2012, 08:02 AM
Athme's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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SammyJ,

As far as I am aware in accordance with the HIPAA-
When it comes to preexisting conditions your new insurance will usually cover you once you become eligible as long as you can prove continued coverage.

Is that not correct?
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  #13  
September 6th, 2012, 08:09 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Athme View Post
SammyJ,

As far as I am aware in accordance with the HIPAA-
When it comes to preexisting conditions your new insurance will usually cover you once you become eligible as long as you can prove continued coverage.

Is that not correct?

That is correct, and there is a 60 day window. As long as you get a continuance of care letter, you should be fine. And it can be up to 60 days typically between when your insurance ends and your new one starts.

I fight with health insurance companies constantly, I know their evilness to well for my own sanity
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  #14  
September 6th, 2012, 08:11 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Athme View Post
SammyJ,

As far as I am aware in accordance with the HIPAA-
When it comes to preexisting conditions your new insurance will usually cover you once you become eligible as long as you can prove continued coverage.

Is that not correct?

You very well could be right. When I asked my current insurance about that though, they told me that the other insurance company is not obligated to do that. Even if I used COBRA to extend my insurance until I qualified for another company's insurance plan. So I wonder if it varies, or if I just misunderstood. Would definitely be happier if that were the case! I'll have to look into this. Thanks!
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  #15  
September 6th, 2012, 08:13 AM
rachna's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SammyJ View Post
You very well could be right. When I asked my current insurance about that though, they told me that the other insurance company is not obligated to do that. Even if I used COBRA to extend my insurance until I qualified for another company's insurance plan. So I wonder if it varies, or if I just misunderstood. Would definitely be happier if that were the case! I'll have to look into this. Thanks!
Legally they are obligated. They may not like it, but they are. It also depends on who you talk to. Some people are....nicer then others lets say.
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  #16  
September 6th, 2012, 08:14 AM
Julie_'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Sounds like it was his passive-aggressive way of having his cake and eating it too-that's how the post read to me. I don't understand why he wouldn't move to be with his pregnant girlfriend if you really can't move.
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  #17  
September 6th, 2012, 08:35 AM
naalie's Avatar Co Host of the March DDC
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Well, i know that, as far as being a teacher...they will NOT give you insurance if you are pregnant. When it comes to the drop/add period for insurance. If you wish to increase coverage etc you can't if you are already preggo. It STINKS...
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  #18  
September 6th, 2012, 09:05 AM
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Wow... I am speechless... What kind of a man would ever suggest such a thing?
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  #19  
September 6th, 2012, 10:39 AM
Athme's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SammyJ View Post
You very well could be right. When I asked my current insurance about that though, they told me that the other insurance company is not obligated to do that. Even if I used COBRA to extend my insurance until I qualified for another company's insurance plan. So I wonder if it varies, or if I just misunderstood. Would definitely be happier if that were the case! I'll have to look into this. Thanks!
I hope it is correct, then you can get another job with a nicer boss
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  #20  
September 6th, 2012, 11:09 AM
HalfDozen's Avatar Formerly Number5OnTheWay
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This showed up on the main board so I am jumping in here from a different DDC. For health insurance, HIPPA regulations REQUIRE (this is the portability piece) that there can NOT be any such thing as pre-existing conditions as long as you have not gone more than 62 days without coverage.

Additionally, if your coverage is employer-sponsored (I think this applies to all states, but I can't say that with complete certainty), they are not allowed to exclude pre-existing conditions, and even in states where they can, pregnancy is no longer allowed to be considered a pre-existing condition (and I am nearly certain that is in ALL states).

New employees may have to satisfy certain waiting periods, which vary by employer. However, as long as they accept coverage at the time that it is offered, they can not be denied coverage just because they are pregnant. If, however, they initially waive coverage when it is offered and later want to add it, they either have to have a qualifying life event (most common is loss of other insurance coverage) or wait for the open enrollment period. You can't just go onto a health plan at any time, of your choosing.
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