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Why did he have to say that??


Forum: March 2013 Playroom

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  • 2 Post By naalie
  • 1 Post By PrincessLou79
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  #1  
September 7th, 2012, 07:22 PM
WannabeAMommy87's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Aug 2012
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So I am calling tomorrow to try to schedule a cvs test to find out if there is anything genetically wrong with my lo. My DH knows that we are doing this but today after he worked he came home and says so what are you wanting to do if the baby has down syndrome? I said I don't know if I would be able to abort it just feels wrong... then he says to me I don't want to have my only child be mentally retarded... I understand where he's coming from but why did he have to bring this up especially when I am worried about everything anyway, I feel very alone right now and feel like he looks at this baby inside me as an "it" and feel a lot of anger towards him tonight. I told him couldn't he of just waited till we at least done the cvs to start that kinda talk or better wait till we get the ***** results! Sorry for my rant I just can't help feeling like he doesn't care... then after he said all that I had to listen to him rant about some guy he doesn't like at work for an hour! I guess I am going to try and sleep now or just stop typing because it is making me think about it again.
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  #2  
September 7th, 2012, 07:37 PM
naalie's Avatar Co Host of the March DDC
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Wow, that was EXTREMELY insensitive and immature of him. RETARDED? No one says that, it's just a curse word nowadays! So sorry he was so insensitive...this is a really stressful time...waiting until the "safe time" to feel like it's ok to be happy about being preggo, diagnostic ultrasounds, bloodtests...etc. Maybe find a good time and tell him he was being really selfish and unsupportive venting to you like that and not being sensitive to you...and your nerves!
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  #3  
September 8th, 2012, 03:11 AM
WannabeAMommy87's Avatar Veteran
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Yeah it was defiantly selfish of him, I let him know later and he apologized I swear he just doesn't think a lot of times before speaking.
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  #4  
September 8th, 2012, 04:47 AM
PrincessLou79's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Wow, that was so insensitive! What an awful thing for him to say. I am glad that he has apologised though. Perhaps next time he'll think before he speaks.
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  #5  
September 8th, 2012, 05:24 AM
SammyJ's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Wow!! What a jerk. I'm sorry but I grew up with a brother who suffers from severe mental delays and severe autism so the use of the word "retarded" is super offensive and it is really sad that he would view a child with problems as such a burden. I feel sorry for him and hope he grows up in time to accept the responsibility of a child regardless of how he or she turns out.
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  #6  
September 8th, 2012, 06:12 AM
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I'm sorry he put you through the extra stress. I know he apologized, but it is still an added burden you don't need. I've worked with kids with disabilities, and some of them were the sweetest kids you'd ever met. In fact, I wanted to fight to get the one boy in my class because he was such a delight. It just seems like your husband hasn't had many opportunities to be around people with handicaps.

Wishing you a happy, healthy baby.
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  #7  
September 8th, 2012, 06:30 AM
Athme's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I hope your baby is healthy, hon.

I understand exactly what you are saying. My husband said he didn't know if he could handle a child with down syndrome either and whilst he didn't say it as yours did , it hurt just as much and we were just discussing it, we had no indicators , nothing, just talk.
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  #8  
September 8th, 2012, 07:25 AM
rachna's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I am sorry he was so insensitive
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  #9  
September 8th, 2012, 08:02 AM
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So sorry he said that to you, but I'm glad he apologized.
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  #10  
September 8th, 2012, 11:15 AM
WannabeAMommy87's Avatar Veteran
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Ty ladies, yeah the apology was sincere but it wasn't necessary to say at all especially with all the stress/worries I already have and I explained to him I already loved what is growing inside me and those kinda thoughts make me sick and I just don't know if I would be able to abort my lo if he or she had down syndrome but he says he doesn't want that it is the way he worded it and yeah using the word retarded really struck a cord, I don't think he meant to use it to insult but he didn't know what other word to say so IMO he should have just kept his mouth shut. As of right now only time will tell so I need to stop this worrying all the time.
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  #11  
September 8th, 2012, 12:18 PM
DrMomJLS's Avatar Veteran
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As the mommy of a child with Down Syndrome, I can assure you it is NOTHING to be scared of. My daughter is the sweetest, most loving child you ever met and she has her daddy wrapped around her little finger! Feel free to PM me if you have any questions. Honestly, if you are going to have a child with any disability, DS is considered one of the easiest, and I agree with that.
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  #12  
September 8th, 2012, 08:44 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DrMomJLS View Post
As the mommy of a child with Down Syndrome, I can assure you it is NOTHING to be scared of. My daughter is the sweetest, most loving child you ever met and she has her daddy wrapped around her little finger! Feel free to PM me if you have any questions. Honestly, if you are going to have a child with any disability, DS is considered one of the easiest, and I agree with that.
Ty!! Yeah from what I have read online ds is the easiest disability. When I do my cvs or amnio not sure which one I am doing yet but when I get the results if for some reason ds is detected I will pm you I appreciate that . She looks like an angel very happy too!
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