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How to keep from telling family?


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  • 1 Post By GraysMama
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  • 1 Post By Elly M.
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  #1  
August 4th, 2012, 02:24 PM
Elly M.'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I am a bit stressed out about how to not tell our family about my pregnancy. My Dh and I both come from a very large family. My Dh's family mostly all live within 2 miles from our house. We are farmers so we have land in the same area. Both of my neighbors are family, and two across the street are family. Someone is always just stopping by ( sometimes very annoying). Anyway, everyone keeps teasing about when are we going to have a baby. When I say teasing, I don't mean in an annoying way, they are very sweet about it. Also, this coming Saturday is my family reunion. There will be about 55 of my family members there. Again, they will all kindly tease about when we will have a baby. (Since we just got married)

My problem is that I am honest to a fault. I feel guilt when I don't share everything that is going on when asked. Another problem is, they will suspect something when I turn down wine. Not that I am a big drinker by any means, but both sides of our family always serve wine. I always take a glass to be polite, so I don't know what to do. We don't want the family knowing until at least the first doctor appt. I don't want anyone guessing on there own and spreading word about it, and they will guess when I refuse wine over and over again. Both families can not keep a secret, lol. I would love to tell the whole family right now, but Dh really wants to wait, and he is probably right to do that. Any suggestions? (I know this sounds like it is not a big deal, but I would really like to suprise everyone when the time is right)
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  #2  
August 4th, 2012, 02:41 PM
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I understand that you want to wait until you know for sure. I am going to a family reunion next saturday and I need to keep it hush hush and I know my family will offer me drinks. I know they will suspect as well. I am going to just tell my Mom and MIL and my best friend but that will be it until I pass my first trimester. I know it can be so hard keeping something so exciting a secret.
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  #3  
August 4th, 2012, 02:47 PM
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I know what you mean. I went to a work conference in July. It was right when we were trying so I didn't drink at dinner and I swear everyone suspects now. My boss bought everyone wine and I said no thanks. haha.
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  #4  
August 4th, 2012, 03:26 PM
MamaFish's Avatar Swimming Upstream
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I don't have any suggestions, especially since you said they'll be suspicious if you don't drink.

One thing to consider is if you don't tell, then mc, you have that grief all on your own. Of course, I'm not wishing that on anyone, but it's a very lonely feeling when no one knows. If they can share in your joy, they can share in your grief if needed.

Would they be hurt if you didn't tell yet?
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  #5  
August 4th, 2012, 03:33 PM
Elly M.'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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No they would not be hurt, I am just worried that if we do have a mc (that hurts to even think about it) I was hoping to protect my mother from that grief. She just lost her father, and I know she would take a mc almost as hard as I would. I am going to talk to DH tonight and see if he will agree to telling everyone next Friday, right before the family party. He won't be happy about that, but at least I can express my concerns. The other thing I was thinking is I could take the glass of wine, and dump little bits out now and then while no one is looking, lol
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  #6  
August 4th, 2012, 04:28 PM
~*Mandy*~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I have no clue either and I've been through this 2x lol. I dont remember how long we waited but I know I told our parents pretty early on and then everyone else heard my mom has a big mouth. We had a MC when my daughter was really little -- I think I just got preggo too fast after having a baby so I dont want to tell people too fast but I cant hold it in either! I probably will wait until after the first appointment.
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  #7  
August 5th, 2012, 02:15 AM
GraysMama's Avatar AKA marriedc
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If they offer you a drink, say you've got a headache my friend did that to me and I didn't even make the connection lol
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  #8  
August 5th, 2012, 04:00 AM
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Saying you've got a headache and nO wine is a great idea. But if they are hoping so much for a baby then that's not gonna stop them from wondering and asking. Family loves hearing when there is a new little baby
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  #9  
August 5th, 2012, 05:10 AM
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What about somehow pouring yourself some sparkling cider or sparkling grape juice (non-alcoholic of course) in a wine glass and have that in front of you so people won't offer you wine since you look like you already have some.
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  #10  
August 5th, 2012, 06:48 AM
Missa_Mae's Avatar First Time Mommy!
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Nice one SMB80 - that's a good idea!! Lol

I personally don't drink, so nobody will think otherwise with me. However, I am sooooo bad at keeping my mouth shut! My mother already knows & a 2 of my really close co-workers know only because they all knew we were trying.

I am going to try to wait until I'm at least 8+ weeks to start telling everyone and at least 12+ weeks before putting it on Facebook.

The nice thing, according a website I checked out. My 2nd trimester starts on 10-10-12 & that is also my 30th birthday! How exciting.
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  #11  
August 5th, 2012, 07:16 AM
Elly M.'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thank you ladies for all of your ideas and thoughts. They are all awesome. DH and I spoke last night, and even though it is SO early, we are going to tell our family tonight. We are telling our son first (he is 10). I am very worried about how he will feel. He has been an only child for so long, but he such a good and kind boy, I'm sure he will be excited

We chose to tell them now for so many reasons. We are around our family all the time it seems. We don't want to slip saying something in front of them, I don't it found out that way. Also, my parents stopped by yesterday. I could tell my mom was looking at my chest funny. The reason is, I am falling out of my bra already, lol. Years ago I managed a Victorias Secret store, so I pulled out my old measuring tape and measured what bra size I am now. I am a cup and a half bigger then I was 2 weeks ago, so that is going to be noticed, lol. Anyway, I hope we are doing the right thing.
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  #12  
August 5th, 2012, 09:39 AM
hearts.0nfire's Avatar STPR lover
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I was also going to suggest the grape juice/sparkling cider too. Let us know how it goes!
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  #13  
August 5th, 2012, 10:37 AM
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A lil seltzer and cranberry looks just like wine! Mix a lil up before you go, take it in a bottle to the restroom with you in your purse and do the switch a roo!
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  #14  
August 6th, 2012, 06:27 AM
HalfDozen's Avatar Formerly Number5OnTheWay
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Good luck! I am trying to keep it a secret from everyone right now, and it's driving me nuts. I usually share everything with my husband, but since I had implantation bleeding, he thinks it was AF so he doesn't suspect anything. I have some really cool plans for how I want to share the news. Also, this was EXTREMELY unexpected. Our last one (who will be one next week) was supposed to be our last. I know people probably think I'm odd or selfish for not telling him, but it will be a shock, and right now, he's waiting to hear on a start date for a full-time job so he's been stressing, and I want this to be semi-relaxed. So, when I'm ready, I will tell hubby, and then once he has time to get used to the idea, we can figure out when to tell our families. I would really like to wait till Christmas to tell them since we live 12 hours away and there's no chance of people just "popping in". I would just like to show up with my belly and shock them, but again, we shall see. I don't want to slip up ahead of time. And clearly, it will be obvious to my girls before then so I worry about one of them letting it slip.
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  #15  
August 6th, 2012, 07:15 AM
Elly M.'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Well, we told everyone in our close family last night. I am glad they did, because some family members said they already thought I was, lol. They said I have looked pale and tired all week. I know it is VERY early to tell everyone, but they would have figured it very soon anyway. They were all THRILLED, as we expected Our son is very happy, and that means so much to me. Thank you all for your support and ideas!
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  #16  
August 6th, 2012, 07:38 AM
MamaFish's Avatar Swimming Upstream
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Glad it went well! It sounds like you have a loving, supportive family.
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  #17  
August 6th, 2012, 07:42 AM
seri0uslyc0nfused's Avatar Just Confused....
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My mom, MIL and sister know that I'm pregnant. All other family we won't tell until we see a heartbeat, and then everyone else after the first trimester.

We have to be cautious considering my past...I hope we get to tell everyone this time!!!
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  #18  
August 6th, 2012, 09:23 AM
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You could always take a glass of wine and then not drink it and/or dump it out later. I know its kind of a pain, but it would definitely work. I recently went out for a girls night where they were all drinking and I knew they would know immediately! So i ordered ONE drink and let it sit in front of me all night. They never even noticed since they were all having a blast lol.


But I know how you feel! I visited a friend yesterday and she said "so when do you guys think you'll try for another?" and I just said "well..." and was trying to think of what to say when she guessed! i'm a terrible liar. I should have said "soon!"
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  #19  
August 6th, 2012, 12:00 PM
hearts.0nfire's Avatar STPR lover
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I'm so glad it went well!!
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