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My SO and I have a lot to learn! But early this morning around 2, as my SO whom I call Baer ( that's his last name) made me realize something I seemed to have forgotten... That HE is new at this too, he is scared, he wants to help but isn't sure how, he does get overwhelmed,.... Realized this after a nurse came in around 2 am to take miss fussy pants for a while do some tests and let us rest up a bit.... I go to lie down in the hospital bed and realize Baer is silently crying lieing in the pull out bed, I asked him what was wrong...silence... Asked again offering comfort he said he doesn't like hearing her cry and not being able to do anything about it... He feels bad he can't console her which stresses him out... After talking to him about how newborns can be fussy she's only 2 days old and having her on formula was upsetting her tummy.., I told him he is amazing already reminding him of how when I got frustrated How HE took her cuddled her got her to stop fussing and when HE gets frustrated when he can't console her I take her and help... We need each other, we need each others support and understanding... I need to help him by giving him cudoes when he is doing it right and that extra keep trying you will get it you're spdoing great when things are tough... I didn't realize how much I would expect of him so fast... I didn't realize I was being so mean at points when we are changing her and I'm acting b**tchy because he isn't doing something fast enough or right... Or when im always correcting him with things instead of "try this" and offering encouragement, he feels defeated like a bad father which he isnt! I love him more than anything he has been amazing to both Lilly and I through these few days. He has stayed here all the time by my side even though he has a bummed knee and the pull out couches are horrible... I realized he needs me just as much as I need him.
Sorry for the rant, jut a big thing I realized that I wanted to share! I'd make it longer but but baby is in one arm and the iPad is hard to type with !
One of the things that we were advised to do from the start is have my husband be in charge of 100% of diaper changes since I was 100% in charge of nursing (we didn't use bottles). We framed it as his special time and he made up a little song for diaper changes and everything. He was home from work for a couple weeks and he changed every single diaper and learned what tricks work the best. I think it gave him something that he felt like was "his" and I couldn't correct him on it (and actually I was really grateful for it). An extra bonus was that when he went back to work he had something to teach me about our daughter. He taught me the song to sing and how to get the diaper just right.
I am sure I would have figured it out on my own, but it was nice for him to have something that he could teach me. I am not sure if that would be helpful in your situation, but we are planning to do it again because it worked well for us. Also I didn't have to change a single diaper until my daughter was almost a month old!!