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How strict were your parents?


Forum: April 2013 Playroom

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  • 1 Post By MaineBean
  • 1 Post By ThaiSpice

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  #1  
July 22nd, 2013, 06:36 AM
ThaiSpice's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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On a scale of 1-10, how strict would you say your parents were?

How do you think your SO and you compare to how your parents were, as far as strictness goes?
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  #2  
July 22nd, 2013, 07:28 AM
MaineBean's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I'd say they were an 8-8.5. They were kind of dicks about stupid stuff and even though I had always proven myself as a really reliable and good kid, they refused to loosen my reins at all. Like even though I was on the honor roll, president of my church youth group, never touched booze, drugs or cigarettes, they would still be up my butt about keeping my room spotless. I was dating my husband in high school and he lived in a different town, but they had this stupid rule about me only being able to see him once on the weekends, even though I tried to explain that MOST kids date someone in their own school and would see them 5+ days a week, so why the quota? (They had no good answer. It was always because they said so.) They didnt let anything slide like EVER. (I didn't put them higher on the scale though because I was allowed to go out some; I wasn't chained in the basement or anything!)

One time I called them at like 11:30 to say that we were just wrapping up at the school for the close of the big annual musical and we hadn't gone out for the after party yet. The set breakdown took longer than expected and there were lots of speeches and awards after that took a while too. The after party usually consisted of us grabbing some appetizers at the Ground Round until they kicked us out for being loud and then hanging at someone's house for a little while- totally innocent. I was supposed to be home at like 12:30 so I called to get an extension on curfew. They would not budge even though I think I just asked to be out (on a Saturday night when I was like 16-17) until 1:30. They got all mad that I even asked and told me to come home whenever because they were furious and didn't care at that point, and that I was grounded. I told them I'd be home at 1:30, which I was, and I'm sure I still got grounded.

My husband's parents were SO much more laid back. Granted, my husband got into a little more trouble (a little- because I got into NO trouble) with a couple of times drinking and smoking cigs, but they weren't psychotic.

I have no problem with being strict, but when the kids get older, I don't want to be such a tyrant. When they are practically in college, I'd like to think that unlike my parents I'll be more willing to have a discussion before just giving out a blanket "NO!" I'd like to be a 6.5-7 on the strict scale. We're pretty strict now with our 4 year old because we want to instill in him NOW that what we say is what goes. I'd rather start tight and loosen up later rather than try to be softer and gentler now only to have to tighten up later when it's a foreign concept.

(Can you tell I've thought about this a lot!)
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  #3  
July 22nd, 2013, 10:24 AM
Pretty Crispy's Avatar Proud Momma
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I'd say my parents were a 9-10. I had it pretty rough growing up. I'd like to be a 5 with L. I don't necessarily believe being strict causes a well behaved child who respects you. I certainly didn't respect my parents and how they raised me.
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  #4  
July 22nd, 2013, 10:10 PM
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4. There were certain expectations that I knew were non-negotiable, but other than those things, they pretty much let me do what I wanted.
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  #5  
July 23rd, 2013, 08:45 AM
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Id say my parents were a 6 or 7. I was allowed to do stuff and they bent curfews for valid reasons. I was a total trouble maker though. I did get caught for SOME things but not nearly everything. My parents for the most part just were not around. My dad always worked 2 and 3 jobs just to make ends meet and my mom worked and went to school. I got away with A LOT just because they weren't around to catch me or punish me.

I am very strict about certain things. I expect manners and good behavior. I take my kids everywhere because they are able to control themselves, listen and be respectful. They pick up after themselves, dishes in the sink, laundry in dirty clothes, toys away, bedrooms and playroom clean etc. I am not their maid or servant. They say please and thank you, hold doors for people and so on. I am very lax on other things because I don't care what they wear, if they stay up late, eat icecream for dinner occasionally etc.
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  #6  
July 24th, 2013, 06:11 AM
ThaiSpice's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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My mom wasn't strict...I'd say maybe 4. For the most part, she let me do what I wanted to do. Because I was a good kid and she trusted me, I didn't even have a curfew. Most times I didn't stay out late, but as long as I called her/told her what my plans were, there were times that she would let me stay out pretty late. I don't recall ever being grounded or anything like that.

Like someone else said, I'd rather start now teaching Grace respect for authority, manners, how to follow rules, etc. I mean, I wouldn't consider myself super strict, but I think that the earlier a person can learn those things, the easier they'll have it in life. Overall, I'd say I'd probably tend to be a little more strict than my mom was on certain things, but I hope we can be reasonable about most things, rather than just making/enforcing rules for the sake of having rules.
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  #7  
July 24th, 2013, 08:49 AM
*Anya*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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6-7 They weren't too bad, but I wasn't really a bad kid. In my late teens I was more troublesome but at that point I think it's too late for parenting lol.

With my kids I want to be around 4-5 I think, I want them to be respectful but I don't want to raise little robots. I want them to make good choices and set their own boundaries because that's what they want not because I trained them to or whipped them into shape. It's important for me to have a close relationship with them, I want them to feel comfortable confiding in me just about anything, I never had that with my parents and wished I could have. My husband is stricter though and it's been a source of arguments for us.
Obeying authority isn't a biggie to me, I don't think good morals and ethics always fall in line with following the rules. I want my kids to know that sticking up for what's right is more important than following orders from authority.
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  #8  
July 24th, 2013, 11:22 AM
Purple_cat's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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My parents were pretty strict when I was young and a lot more relaxed when I was older. As a kid I got in trouble a lot for little things even though I was a good kid. Then in high school they started pretty much letting me loose. I generally made good decisions and I am glad that I was able to have that freedom.
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