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I've been pretty stressed out lately ... having some family drama issues with my family ... having some issues with my BF's family not giving me personal space and alone time with the baby. I've been crazy busy at work. I've been feeling really overwhelmed and it's making me sad.
I am trying to please everyone around me but it seems like nothing I'm doing is working. I'm either giving too much one way and not enough the other, or vice-versa. I just don't know what to do ... I can't seem to get through an entire day without getting upset, yelled at, guilt tripped ... it's so frustrating.
Wow.. I know first hand how frustrating that is. I know ALL too well the feeling of everything coming down on top of you at once while you are killing yourself to try to keep everyone happy. I USED to do the same. EVERYONNNNNEEEEE would come to me for advice, money, help, issues , technical support, on and on. (Even at work) It was nonstop and if I didn't help they would start with the whining, b*t&hing or guilt trip crap. I had NO time, money or energy for myself.
.. In reality, it never works and you just end up burnt out and half way insane. You will have to learn the art of saying "No" and sticking with it even if people are being a-holes around you. After a while you will get the rep that you can't be pushed around and what you say goes.
Start saying: "Sorry, but with all due respect I need alone time with my child now. You can visit with her again at "blank" time." They will piss and moan and try to give you the guilt trip and you have to be ok with that. Take your baby somewhere that you can be alone and close or lock the door and ignore the nonsense. Then bring your child out when you said that you would. Start with smaller segments of time then increase it over time to condition them to the way things will be working now.
It will be difficult at first but 99% of humans always respond to training and conditioning and can get used to anything. If you don't TAKE BACK your time, space and freedom don't expect that these people will wake up and one day and realize that they are being intrusive and that you are crumbling.
You have to talk to your BF and being direct and upfront about what effect this is having on you and tell him that you need his support. Don't, however, be surprised if you find yourself going it alone on this whole take back your life thing.
You CAN do it and it DOES work. I'm sure that you have spoken to your family already about you needing some space. But on the off chance that you haven't, try to respectfully approach them with it. Chances are they will say something along the lines of "We help you out all of the time and you can just give us some time to spend with the baby, blah blah blah." DO NOT engage people in back and forths. Just say, well I will be needing some time alone with her for 30 minutes and I will bring her back. Then leave.
You can come and vent here or in my PM whenever you want and I will be here to listen.
That old saying that "You can please some of the people, some of the time but you can't please all of the people all of the time." is true.
Good luck and I hope that you get some peace soon. You deserve it. *HUG*
If you don't TAKE BACK your time, space and freedom don't expect that these people will wake up and one day and realize that they are being intrusive and that you are crumbling.
It was helpful for me to read this, thank you!
I am sorry that you are feeling so overwhelmed. I get like this somewhat often because my natural tendency is to please people and take care of people. I end up doing things or not doing things to keep the peace or certain members of my family happy. I always hope that the favor will be returned to me, but it rarely is and then I fall apart once I reach my breaking point.
I hope that you can carve out some time for you and the baby alone. Can you make 1 weekend day just for you, baby and your SO? No other visitors?
I know that I really need that quiet unstructured time built into my week. Maybe that could help you?