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Mommy guilt


Forum: April 2013 Playroom

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  • 3 Post By MaineBean
  • 1 Post By utexas10
  • 1 Post By ThaiSpice

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  #1  
August 27th, 2013, 07:25 AM
Excited first time mommy!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 245
So, my plans were to be a strictly stay at home mom, finish my degree online, and start working when he goes to school because I will have my bachelor's by then. Now I'm finding my days to be so repetitive and maybe I'm not cut out to be a stay at home mom? I've enrolled in on campus school and I've found him a daycare he will be at from 10-5 Mon-thurs.

I'm feeling really guilty that I couldn't cut it. I need to be around other adults and I'd like to get out of the house without worrying if I'm going to interrupt Dylan's nap schedule.

Has anyone else experienced this mommy guilt going back to work/school?
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  #2  
August 28th, 2013, 08:50 AM
Missa_Mae's Avatar First Time Mommy!
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: U.S.A.
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I had and still have a lot of mommy guilt with going back to work. I work Mon-Thurs from 8:30-5. We don't do daycare as our family watches her while I'm at work. At first it was hard because I was still bf'ing and pumping at work and thinking she was at home forgetting who I was. I eventually got over that - as she would know who I was the minute I walked in the door - she'd get so happy!

I still hate being at work and I am always wondering what she's doing and if I'm missing anything. But I know that if I was at home all the time I would probably get like you are - I can't sit still, I can't go all day without talking to an adult, etc. so I'd have to go back to work.

After the first few weeks I think the guilt will start to disappear. Good luck and big hugs!
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  #3  
August 28th, 2013, 10:39 AM
MaineBean's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Maine
Posts: 4,789
Man, I totally replied to this yesterday before they had their data recovery thing.

In case you didnt' see it, I said that I can't be bothered with Mommy Guilt. I dont' think Daddy's feel it, so why should we? The thing is, being a SAHM is brutally hard. It is thankless, unpaid, 24/7, repetitive and isolating. I dont' think anyone should feel bad about not being able to take it! I'd love to not pay daycare and get that time with my kids, but I know for sure they'd drive me nuts a lot of the time. Some people are better at it than others, and that's cool because everyone has their strengths.

Lots of women work really hard at their careers and NEED their jobs to fulfill part of their being. Some moms have to work for financial reasons. Some moms get out of the house because the kids make them bat****crazy. I think it's all acceptable and you shouldn't worry on bit. I mean, you'll have moments of wanting to be on the other side, but remember that the grass is always greener and there are positives & negatives on both sides.
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  #4  
August 29th, 2013, 03:01 AM
misty3281's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Louisiana
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Just popping in. I had to go back to work in June, 2 months earlier than I was expecting. It sucks and it's hard, but I promise the guilt is only temporary. Not everyone can be a SAHM and that's ok. It doesn't mean you don't care, it just means you're human and doing what is best for you and your baby. My sister is a pedi np and always wanted children, but at 6 weeks pp she couldn't wait to get back to work. I never wanted kids, this was allllllll DH's idea, and now I don't want to leave her ever. He's actually in school now so he can make more hoping I can stay home. Everyone is different, doesn't make anyone better, just different.
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  #5  
August 29th, 2013, 07:41 AM
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I had 4 months of maternity leave. By three months I was going crazy. I felt so alone and needed adult interaction. I was very excited to go back to work (even though I am only on a part time schedule). I get to spend 4 days with the baby and three days with my peers. It has been great and I think it makes me a better mom because I appreciate my time with her more. Also, she gets so happy when I walk in the door. It is great to see.

on the flip side, I think that being a SAHM can be great for some people. I think you have to do what is best for your family.
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  #6  
August 29th, 2013, 11:08 AM
ThaiSpice's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2009
Location: AR
Posts: 16,420
Agree with the others, esp. MaineBean.

I always placed a high value on staying home as a mother--that's what my mom did, and so that's what I had in my head as the "proper" thing to do. Don't get me wrong--I still definitely think it is extremely valuable. What I had to come to terms with as an adult was that it wasn't going to be an option for me. So I can relate to some initial feelings of guilt. However, like others have said, there are lots of pros and cons to each scenario, and I see no reason to pile on the mommy guilt because I am not a SAHM. The truth is that Grace has thrived at daycare and now in her pre K class. She is very social and loves the interaction with other kids. She learns an incredible amount of stuff, and comes home every day having learned something new. She also gets to play, be outdoors, learn social skills, participate in fun activities, etc. For us, daycare has been nothing but positive. Seeing that, and knowing how much her teachers all love her and take care of her, makes it much easier to go to work every day. And it's not like I don't get to spend time with my kids, or that they aren't still very much attached to me as a parent. Seeing both of their little smiling faces when I pick them up is the best part of my day.

In the end, we're all just doing our best. There are endless choices that parents must make--this being just one of them. Do what's best for your family, and don't sweat it.
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  #7  
August 30th, 2013, 05:21 AM
HalfDozen's Avatar Formerly Number5OnTheWay
Join Date: Jul 2012
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I don't think you should feel guilty. When I had only 1, I don't think I could have stayed home. I would have felt much the way you do. Sometimes, over time, your priorities/financial situations change, though. I certainly am not saying your priorities are out of line in any way, though. Most times, I've loved working! With my first, I worked 3 part-time jobs and went to school full time - because I HAD to. Anyhow, with my 2nd, I knew I was going back to work, and that was fine. When I had my 3rd, we had decided that I would stay home (they were all under 5, and day care would have drained a complete salary). After a year, hubby decided he wanted to go back to school so I went back to work. What we learned in that time is that he is not cut out to be the stay-at-home parent. Anyhow, I went back to work, and the kids didn't suffer for it in any way. With my 4th, I knew I was going back to work, I loved my job, and hubby was in school full time so it really wasn't an option. I am actually on the flip side of you this time. I never thought I would feel this way about being back at work (miserable!!!), and I'm only working part-time. Hubby has volunteered to work countless hours so that I can quit my job. I think he believes I'm due to get what I want. Anyhow, it will be incredibly tight financially, and I don't think I remember what it's like not having my "own" money to do as I please, but I'm pretty sure we're doing it. I'm finding that I can't possibly get all my work in on a part-time basis so I'm frustrated about that. I feel like I'm missing too much at home with all my kids, especially now that school has started back up, and the older kids have activities so I'm frustrated about that. Hubby is already working TONS and TONS of hours so I'm on my own, and I'm frustrated about that because I don't have the time to dedicate to it. In the end, we all have to make the decisions that will keep us sane as mommy and allow us to give our best to our children.

Sorry to hijack the thread!!
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