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I didn't really know where else to talk about this, so I hope you don't mind... It just feels like maybe we're not supposed to have more than 3 kids. With my oldest I had a hard pregnancy involving a car crash, hyper-emesis, and black outs. Then with my second I had a severe sinus infection and bronchitis while I was pregnant and when I was in labor I started to crash. Everybody thought they were going to lose me. This time I had a hard pregnancy as you know and it just got worse today. I went to my doctor because I haven't been feeling well. I thought maybe I screwed up that joint in my pelvis during delivery or something. It turns out I have a really bad uterine infection. She thinks it's because the doctor waited so long to induce after my water broke. The thing is my Aunt had this kind of infection and it scarred her so badly she was never able to have kids and ultimately ended up with a hysterectomy. I've had this for three weeks already so what damage might have been done? And what would've happened to Elizabeth if I'd kept nursing with this? It could be why she couldn't digest my milk to begin with. It seems like every time things get worse. We want more so much we were planning on NTNP for a short time and then jumping back on the Clomid train. Now I'm afraid to.
I know how badly that must feel. All I can say in you have to hold onto your dreams. Believe in Allah and the miracle that He is. Also I know its easy to say my aunt did this so it could happen to me, however you are not her. You have to remind yourself of that and remember your fate is in Allah's hands ONLY. If you and your husband pray on it and you feel like more kids is what is best for you, your family and your future then by all means go for it. Alhumdulillah the doctor found it, alhumdulillah it is being treated and alhumdulillah you didnt lose your life before now. You are here for a reason, hang on! And when all else fails we are here to talk to and vent to on hard days. I hope you feel better.
Thank you Heather(hettyhoo) for my beautiful siggy
Islam Jr. 09-20-2003 * Sumaiya-Alee 09-07-2007 *Angel Baby 01-08-2010
Maybe it's hormones making it seem worse than it is, I don't know. Maybe I'll feel differently about it all after I sleep, assuming I can settle my mind down any time soon. All I'm really sure of right now is that it's scary. My biggest fear going in today was an infection. She has me on two antibiotics right now and it's bad enough that if they don't help they're going to admit me to the hospital for IV antibiotics and observation. We've had so much go wrong this year it's like I'm waiting for the next bad news and I don't know how to handle it when it involves me. I stink at being strong and rational for myself.
InshaAllah this round of antibiotics works for you. Although it sometimes seems like our plates are more full than we would like, remember that Allah never gives us more than we can handle. If Allah blesses you with more children, I pray that it will be much easier for you. Keep your head up!
Ohh Anna Im so sorry, I know it does seem like you have had a harder time than most, you know when we are in the moment things tend to seem worse than they are and your mind goes off on a tangent, believe me I am guilty of it myself, what ever does happen you will learn to accept and and will grow stronger from it... I have faith that you will get better and once this passes you will be ready again to start trying