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My first post here is a crazy-person vent.


Forum: May 2013 Playroom

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  #1  
October 2nd, 2012, 03:17 PM
LabLover13's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Marysville, WA
Posts: 307
Hi everyone! *waves* I have been lurking/stalking/being a creeper on this board since we found out we were pregnant a couple of weeks ago.

I am now 6 weeks, 2 days pregnant with my first. DH and I are utterly, indescribably over-the-moon excited. I had my first appointment yesterday--really, it was more like an informational session, blood draw, pee-in-a-cup (and all over my hand), get told what I can and can't do, etc etc.

I brought home a smorgasbord of information. Pamphlets out the wazoo. I left them all out for DH to read when he got home from work (I'm already in bed by the time he gets in). This morning, he calls me on his way to work, as usual. He starts the conversation with "I have a list of questions for you". Ok, that I expected. "What genetic testing will we get?" (answer: whatever insurance will pay for). "If we have a boy, are we circumcising?" (answer: ok, a little deep for 5:30 in the morning...let's table this one for later). "This one might make you mad: I read the nutritional advice, and I'm concerned about your diet. How do you think YOU'RE doing?"

Ok, deep breaths...deep breaths. I'm at work, don't want to come off as a crazy, psychotic harridan this early in the day. Clench teeth, tell him (as sweetly as I can muster with the veins bulging out of my forehead) "Darling, I am not going to have this conversation with you right now. We. Will. Talk. Later." Hang up the phone, get 14 texts from DH saying that he's a dick, he's so sorry, yada yada.

I get it. He's excited, and nervous, and wants our little lima bean to get the best start in life possible. But seriously? You're really going to lecture me on what I'm eating?

The thing is, I eat *decently* healthy. I'm a vegetarian, so my options are somewhat limiting...I'm not stopping at Mickey D's on the way home from work and horking down 15 cheeseburgers (although I could if I wanted to, jerkface). I do all of the grocery shopping, and make an effort to buy organic as much as possible, and stay away from the crappy stuff. Still, I'm human. So what if I make myself some Trader Joe's Bean and Cheese Taquitos for dinner? Back up off me, bro!

Any advice? I need to come up with a logical, non-rage-filled argument to support my position. Ready SET GO!
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  #2  
October 2nd, 2012, 04:22 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 2,259
Welcome and Congrats!
I recently heard this saying and it seems to apply here. " Women are crazy and men are stupid, actually women are crazy because men are stupid"
I usualy say something like " Thank you for your input but im growing a human, and what have you done today?" This will be our third and he has still not learned when to shut up. If you want a nicer approuch you can try telling him that all this information is overwhelming but we can sit down and go over it together. Im sure he is just frustrated because he does not have much of a say in how the baby is doing right now. My husband told me the 2nd trimester is his favorite because that is when he starts to feel like he is part of the pregnancy. I hope this helps.
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  #3  
October 2nd, 2012, 04:31 PM
Redneck_Mommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: SE Texas
Posts: 1,406
Howdy! Welcome! Congratulations on your Lima bean! The only advice on dealing with your DH is... Nice slow breaths, stay away from all sharp/blunt objects. You're the one pregnant and just as excited... Maybe mention that you want a happy healthy baby as much as he does. And, remember: Mommy rules!
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  #4  
October 2nd, 2012, 04:52 PM
May 2013 Cohost
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Posts: 3,578
OMG..my hubby did the same thing with our first...to the point of driving me to tears. He was like the police of veggies, always pointing out I wasn't eating enough of them. He was so annoying.

This time around he's better, but has still expressed concern over my diet. Since I've been ill, I'm eating what my body will allow me, and sometimes it's chicken nuggets from McDs! So get over it!

I think it's their way of trying to be involved since there is not much else they can do at this point.
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  #5  
October 2nd, 2012, 05:34 PM
LabLover13's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Marysville, WA
Posts: 307
Those are all very good points. I can't imagine what it's like being on the "outside" of this pregnancy...he probably feels a little left out of the process.

Thank you all for the very warm welcome! I've already learned so much just from reading through everyones' posts...and I'm sure I'll learn a ton more as I go along.
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  #6  
October 2nd, 2012, 05:39 PM
EverydayJoy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Pacific NW
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I had to laugh a couple of times in your post...like about peeing all over your hand, and trying to talk while the veins are bulging in your forehead...lol. Pregnancy makes you do some interesting things, huh? Well and husbands too
To me it sounds like you already eat way healthier than a lot of people do. If your DH is worried, just pop a prenatal vitamin, and tell him HE needs to take some deep breaths now And maybe to watch what he says (or rather how he says it, or both) if he wants to make it through this pregnancy alive!
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  #7  
October 2nd, 2012, 06:06 PM
misty3281's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Louisiana
Posts: 1,717
OMG!!! My DH drives me flipping crazy telling me what I can and cannot eat. Nevermind I put forth the effort to lose 67 lbs before getting pregnant so I could be healthy for the baby. He reads crap on the Internet and then comes at me with well I read you can't do this or that. I've pretty much told him when he decides to create a life in his uterus he can tell me what to do. Even then I wouldn't listen though. Guys mean well, they just don't get it. If all I feel like I can hadle is French fries and diet coke then dang it I'm eating French fries and diet coke. Something I've done is make DH right down everything I do he has an issue with and when we go to my OB appt's we agree to let the doc answer the questions and do what he says, which so far has always been what I said to begin with. Guys drive me nuts acting like they know more about pregnancy than pregnant people do. Crap. Now I vented with you. Sorry! lol
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  #8  
October 2nd, 2012, 06:51 PM
Liz311w's Avatar Veteran
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Location: Prairie Village
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Congrats and welcome! I would agree with the PPs and maybe get him one of those 'Pregnancy for Daddies' type books so he can kind of get an inside scoop before he asks you questions that may trigger homicidal thoughts...LOL.
I think it sweet that at least he cares enough to ask the questions and all that though. :-)
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  #9  
October 2nd, 2012, 07:48 PM
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Mine suggested the other day that I start the P90X diet/workout system with him, so that I "don't blow up like that blueberry girl like I did last time" Really? Do they really want to make it through this alive? Not only is that a totally inappropriate workout for someone pregnant (we've done it once before, it is straight up brutal) but he would be taking his own life in his hands making comments like that with me not pregnant.
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  #10  
October 2nd, 2012, 08:41 PM
EverydayJoy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Wow Mom_in_AK, he must have a death wish!
I think my DH has been trained by someone before me, cause he's really good about watching what he says, especially when I am hormonal. I'm sure it's a survival technique!
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  #11  
October 2nd, 2012, 09:18 PM
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Mine is doing pretty good, he just needs to quit harping on me for not helping as much. Ugh. I am tired. and sick.
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  #12  
October 3rd, 2012, 03:09 AM
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My husband was pretty easy going the first time around and so far so good this time too. If I have a craving he goes and gets it for me and usually enjoys the benefits of it too. He helps out a lot when he's here and doesn't get upset if the house falls apart when he's not.

He knows that I'm the one dealing with all the "joys" of pregnancy and that I have a team of professionals taking care of my health. He feels like its just his job to support me. (Yes, I am a lucky girl! But it took a lot of work to get him to this point!)
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  #13  
October 3rd, 2012, 03:51 AM
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Lol!! Nice discussion. I really enjoyed your forum. Keep discussing more and more.
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  #14  
October 3rd, 2012, 03:54 AM
LabLover13's Avatar Veteran
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Location: Marysville, WA
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OMG Mom_in_AK I'm super impressed that you're not posting on this board from PRISON, because that's where I'd end up if my husband said that to me.

P90X? Seriously? I just...oh, my word.

You ladies are cracking me up!!
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  #15  
October 3rd, 2012, 04:55 AM
Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Virginia Beach, VA
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Welcome, lablover! (I'm assuming you're referring to the dog breed, in which case, I am a lab lover, too!) Annnnd, congratulations on baby! This is our first, too, and we are beyond thrilled! You're a funny gal.

First of all, I am so happy I'm not the only one who pees on my hand when I do a urine test. Seriously, I should be a pro by now with all the UTI's I've gotten. It never fails.

I'm also happy to hear that my DH isn't the only one doing these things, but I can't believe how many of these guys have a death wish. Seriously? My DH said something to me the other day, then sat down with a bag of doritos. I took it away from him and glared. He didn't say a word. I'm not the greatest eater in the world, and I'm overweight, but I don't eat fast food very often, and eat a good amount of whole grains, fruits, and veggies (I have to limit my protein intake because of gout). Maybe once I stop vomiting all the time I'll focus more on a balanced diet, but at this point I'm eating whatever I can keep down. SO DON'T JUDGE ME! It's not like I'm doing crack and downing the bottle of vanilla rum in the fridge (which I really really really want to do, but won't). Pffft.

P90X? Hahahaha, Oh. My. Good. Lord. I admire your strength not to strangle him.
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  #16  
October 3rd, 2012, 06:39 AM
ashj_1218's Avatar Hiya!
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Posts: 11,105
Welcome! And thanks for the early morning laugh. I am so sorry it is at your expense. But seriously, your husband is kinda funny (in that "he might not survive to see the birth of his child if he continues in this manner" kinda way). I am sure he is just excited and "trying" to help in the ways he knows how. Which are clearly not terribly helpful.

Maybe make a list of things he can worry about: ie: car seat safety, baby names, making a registry, finding the best pregnancy sleeping pillow around, making a good budget for when baby gets here, planning help for after the arrival, picking out a bedroom theme, researching circumscision, finding the c-section rate at the hospital, etc, etc, etc and tell him if it is not on the list, you have it covered and he doesn't need to be concerned. Tell him that you are doing your best to give the baby a good start and that doesn't include wanting to rip someone's head off at 8am. The stress levels aren't good for the baby!! Lol.

But seriously, giving him direction might be all he needs to concentrate on the more helpful aspects of pregnancy and less on things that will make you want to kill him.

A a side note, NEVER mention how much weight you are gaining. Men don't know what to do with that and I can assure you, it won't end well!!!
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  #17  
October 3rd, 2012, 07:50 AM
NewlyMrs's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Lol your post made me laugh because my husband has been doing things to drive me crazy too! Welcome, you'll fit right in here
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  #18  
October 3rd, 2012, 08:18 AM
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my husband hasn't done any research beyond reading the small pamphlet from the doc. I guess I'm lucky.

But my grandmother and mother lectured me at dinner. I was like....you fatties!! you ordered =fried food and I had a salad, a tiny piece of meat, andsteamed veggies and you have the nerve to tell me I need to focus on my diet and eat better? my husband is a vegetarian, so meat is a rare treat, and we don't eat any fast food (unless road tripping, so it's a special treat maybe 3 times a year) and we eat nothing processed or out of box (except cereal.) I think steam came out of my ears. Especially since my mother is 200lbs over weight.

So I can understand the food rant rage!
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  #19  
October 3rd, 2012, 08:57 AM
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First of all, congrats and welcome!!!

My husband hasn't said too many dumb things yet but he knows I HATE eating breakfast and so he's always trying to make sure I get all my meals in.
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  #20  
October 3rd, 2012, 07:27 PM
markswife's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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What is wrong with men? I asked DH to go get some dessert at the store tonight and he said no. WHAT? Who tells their pregnant wife no when she asks for food?

I'm Annette. Congratulations and welcome to the group!
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