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Forum: May 2013 Playroom

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  #1  
January 15th, 2013, 07:40 PM
EverydayJoy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Just wondering because things around here are sure pitiful right now. I have a combination of baby belly getting in the way and a switch in antidepressants killing both my sex drive and ability to get to the big "O". It's really frustrating! It's so bad I prefer the do-it-yourself version to real sex right now. I'm thinking of talking to my doc about doing a trial run of no antidepressants, since I don't feel they help me with my mood a lot either. Not a great trade-off if you ask me!

I do try to keep DH happy, I know he isn't very pleased with the way things are but he's very patient and knows it is temporary. I'm hoping after baby is born I can go back to the antidepressants that I prefer, but which right now make my heart rate issue worse.
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  #2  
January 15th, 2013, 07:50 PM
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I have zero sex drive 97% of the time, but we still DTD for him at least 3-4 times a week. I think it's mostly because we've only been married a year and a half. I can imagine in 5 years he'll be on his knees begging for action. Actually I've found that if he massages my back after I've soaked in a warm bath I feel a lot more willing to do it. I don't "O" but don't really care to right now anyway. So I get a back massage, he gets lovin, and we're both happy, relaxed, and ready to snuggle before falling asleep.
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  #3  
January 15th, 2013, 07:52 PM
EverydayJoy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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That sounds like a nice trade-off, Misty! I know I was more relaxed about it the night I took a nice soak in the tub first.
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  #4  
January 15th, 2013, 07:58 PM
misty3281's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Yep! It works great. I mean I don't necessarily always want to do it after soaking but I'm definitely more open to it since I'm already relaxed and getting over whatever stresses the day brought.
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  #5  
January 15th, 2013, 08:19 PM
Ltem45
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My husband is too creeped out knowing his son is in me.... So no action here
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  #6  
January 15th, 2013, 08:22 PM
EverydayJoy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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My hubby did that at first too with my first pregnancy. I think they get over it in time. If not, at least it's temporary!
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  #7  
January 15th, 2013, 09:05 PM
MrsNHigh's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ltem45 View Post
My husband is too creeped out knowing his son is in me.... So no action here
Hahaha! Men are so silly!

We still get it on when we are both awake after our 4 year old is asleep. Not very often though. My belly is all up in the way, so we've got to figure that out. On New Years, he had no idea he was crushing me and my stomach. Afterwards, I let him know and he felt bad but also laughed. Good times.
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  #8  
January 15th, 2013, 09:11 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ltem45 View Post
My husband is too creeped out knowing his son is in me.... So no action here
Oh how awful =/

Everything is peachy here
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  #9  
January 15th, 2013, 09:43 PM
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My sexy drive is hit or miss an my husband is so strange. He's always worried about hurting our son. Some days it works some days it doesn't. I do miss the intimacy though because I'm not all about cuddling right now.
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  #10  
January 15th, 2013, 09:54 PM
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Regarding the problems of the belly getting in the way... the spooning position or doggy style totally alleviates that problem.
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  #11  
January 15th, 2013, 09:59 PM
Ryan and Alex's Mommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I cut hubby off last week lol! I can't do the sex thing while pregnant...way to uncomfortable and it doesn't do anything for me. 5 months was the longest he got it with all pregnancies so i'm sure he's thankful for that lol!
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  #12  
January 15th, 2013, 10:01 PM
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Glad to hear I'm not the only one getting zero action from the hubby. I've always had more of a drive than him, but now, after being together for over 13 years and me being pregnant, he seems so disinterested. Hopefully we get our mojo back at some point, but until then, I'm having lots of fun on my own! ;-)
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Last edited by LolaBadola; January 15th, 2013 at 10:08 PM.
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  #13  
January 15th, 2013, 10:02 PM
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It hasnt been great for me since before I got preggo. We had a lot of ups and downs and then I felt so ugly. He never made me feel that way but I think it is because I had 2 kids so close in age at a young age and I couldnt handle it. I still feel self conscious and its just getting worse. I just let him do his thing but never get to "O" anymore. Once in a blue moon it may happen but I think I am still struggling with some sort of depression..
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  #14  
January 15th, 2013, 10:13 PM
EverydayJoy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Kelsey--
Depression can really hamper you during sex. I have struggled a lot with self-consciousness in the 5 years DH and I have been together. Having babies sure does change your body, and it's hard to look at yourself the same way. I know for me when I got my depression under control it really helped my confidence in bed. Have you talked to your hubby about how you feel in bed? Sometimes just opening up and being vulnerable about it can help you feel better if they respond well and are loving about it. My hubbs is always quick to reassure me not to worry about myself and that he loves me. I hope things get better for you!
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Last edited by EverydayJoy; January 15th, 2013 at 10:17 PM.
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  #15  
January 15th, 2013, 10:17 PM
Sweet_Mama's Avatar Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EverydayJoy View Post
Depression can really hamper you during sex. I have struggled a lot with self-consciousness in the 5 years DH and I have been together. Having babies sure does change your body, and it's hard to look at yourself the same way. I know for me when I got my depression under control it really helped my confidence in bed. Have you talked to your hubby about how you feel in bed? Sometimes just opening up and being vulnerable about it can help you feel better if they respond well and are loving about it. My hubbs is always quick to reassure me not to worry about myself and that he loves me. I hope things get better for you!
He knows I struggle with it. And I think most of it is from having children. He tells me how beautiful and sexy I am but I just cant believe him because I dont "feel" attractive and feel he is lying. After the nipples get darker, stretch marks become apparent, more discharge, I cant see how he still wants it but I give it to him. I am at home a lot with the kids too which doesnt help me feel sexy lol
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  #16  
January 15th, 2013, 10:17 PM
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Originally Posted by Sweet_Mama View Post
It hasnt been great for me since before I got preggo. We had a lot of ups and downs and then I felt so ugly. He never made me feel that way but I think it is because I had 2 kids so close in age at a young age and I couldnt handle it. I still feel self conscious and its just getting worse. I just let him do his thing but never get to "O" anymore. Once in a blue moon it may happen but I think I am still struggling with some sort of depression..
i'm really sorry to hear that, you may want to check into some couples counseling. you are way too young to not be enjoying sex.
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  #17  
January 15th, 2013, 10:23 PM
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Originally Posted by Sweet_Mama View Post
He knows I struggle with it. And I think most of it is from having children. He tells me how beautiful and sexy I am but I just cant believe him because I dont "feel" attractive and feel he is lying. After the nipples get darker, stretch marks become apparent, more discharge, I cant see how he still wants it but I give it to him. I am at home a lot with the kids too which doesnt help me feel sexy lol
working past body dismorphia is really difficult, but 100% worth getting help for. it could naturally resolve if you start getting help for your depression, but in any case it would do you a world of good to talk to someone about it.
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  #18  
January 15th, 2013, 10:25 PM
Sweet_Mama's Avatar Super Mommy
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I am not sure if it is a physical thing or emotional thing but I dont really care for it the last year or so. Not even when I am "ahem" by myself. I want to care about it because it is important to me and to him and I want to make him feel good as well as myself.

I have thyroid issues in my family as well and I think that could be affecting much of my desire. I read that you cant get your thyroid checked during pregnancy tho because results are inaccurate.
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  #19  
January 15th, 2013, 10:40 PM
EverydayJoy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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My best suggestion is, if it's possible, have a night away from the kids just the two of you before baby is born. Spend the night in a hotel in someplace quiet and comfortable. If you were in my neck of the woods I'd tell you where DH and I went about a month and a half ago, it was such a great experience. I really felt that it helped me to be less self conscious and reconnect with hubby. I think sex is really important in a relationship, it can be like the glue that helps hold you together. I think it's something worth pursuing and figuring out why exactly you're avoiding it.
Now, I think while you're pregnant it may complicate matters, because hormones can be unkind to your sex drive and your belly can get in the way. But I think it's worth still trying now, to at least start to have some talks with your hubbs and work through some things.

I *totally* understand what you mean about DH complimenting you and you feeling like he's lying. I have so been there. It's like, how could you possibly want me, I'm inept in bed (I felt at the time), I'm fat, I have stretch marks and saggy skin and I'm not the skinny minnie I was when we got married. Yet he still wants me...I think it's time you started trusting what he has to say, and try to figure out why you don't like yourself/your body. You have to start loving yourself first, or it won't matter how many compliments he gives you. Remember, he picked you, and he continues to pick you over other women. That should count for something!

Oh and you might get your thyroid checked, pregnancy can make it go wacko, especially if it was off before. You can keep it monitored too and then change the dose of medication as necessary after you give birth. Can't hurt, might help!
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  #20  
January 16th, 2013, 05:58 AM
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Were doing pretty good here. We had to take a break due to my cervix issues but were back in action.
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