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I can't control my eyeballs, or my hormones


Forum: May 2013 Playroom

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  • 1 Post By miss britt
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  #1  
March 12th, 2013, 02:35 PM
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Ok so confession time.

I feel totally out of control of myself. My emotions are all over the place and I HATE feeling totally responsible for a person that I have no control over.

Today, I didn't feel the baby move all morning. I tried to drink a coca-cola (which I NEVER drink) to see if I could hype him up. No change. I tried lying on my back, which is where he is normally most active. No change. I tried poking him and got one weak little kick but that's it. I really didn't think too much about it but figured I should call the dr. just in case. They told me to come in immediately. I wasn't nervous until they made it sound so dire. I was totally calm on the phone with them but when I went to tell my principal that I needed to leave I just started crying and couldn't stop. I felt so stupid and kept saying "I can't believe that I am crying." She was very understanding and told me to go ahead and leave. A couple of people saw me in the office upset and I had to send out an e-mail saying that I wouldn't see any more kids today so I am sure people were worried.

As I was on my way they called to say I needed to come in sooner. Hello?! Like I can get there any sooner than already being on my way? It made me even more anxious that they called a second time.

Anyways, I held it together to talk to my husband but when I called my mom I lost it again.

Turns out that the baby is fine. When I heard the heartbeat I cried AGAIN. He definitely showed decreased movement but the heartbeat was good so they let me come home after monitoring me a few hours.

I called to tell my mom that he was fine and she mentioned that I shouldn't put anything on Facebook because I have had a lot of "drama in my pregnancy already" Basically she likened it to the boy who cried wolf. She was just being honest but it did hurt my feelings. I think mostly because I can understand where she is coming from.

We had a down syndrome scare before and now this. Both times the dr. was the one giving me the information that totally freaked me out and in both cases I overreacted. Partially because I was working off the info provided and partially because I am super hormonal.

I know that OBGYNs are over protective to make sure they don't get sued but I almost feel like they unnecessarily scare us. Add the hormones on top and I just can't keep it under control. If I am worried about something then I am categorized as overreacting but if something bad happens then I am the one people would blame for not getting help sooner. I feel like I can't win for losing. Am I nuts? Does anybody else feel like this?
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  #2  
March 12th, 2013, 02:53 PM
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Aww big fat squishy hugs to you sweetie! I think being pregnant is always nerve wracking! I mean you can't see them to know how they are doing, you only have limited ways to check on them. I think you did the right thing by going in immediately, and it's okay that you got emotional! That's your baby in there, perfectly normal to get upset when you think something is wrong! My son is 2 and I still cry when he gets a shot, he is fine but I'm sobbing in the car like I got the shot lol!

As far as what your mom said...eh, I don't think that telling Facebook is a big deal. It doesn't sound to me like you've had a lot of "drama" so if it's how you reach out to family and friends I say go ahead and update everyone. I ask for prayers during times like this because I feel better having prayer warriors lifting up my babies. To me, stuff like this isn't drama, it's stuff that's happening in your life. If my mom told me what not to put on Facebook I would laugh at her honestly. But I do what I want, yo!

I get what you mean about scaring you though. At 32 weeks with DS I had some spotting, they told me to come in ASAP and asked numerous questions about my blood type, etc. Turned out to be a no big deal infection. But I cried the whole way to the office, sure that something was terribly wrong. I think they are overcautious and just want what is best for you and baby, sometimes they should be calmer about it though. You followed your gut and did what was best, nobody could have asked you to do anything differently.

Put your feet up and relax, maybe LO will wake up and have a dance party and take your mind off of everything!
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  #3  
March 12th, 2013, 03:55 PM
EverydayJoy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Totally agree with Miss Britt, what you put on Facebook is your business and if something is honestly scaring you, whether it turns out to be nothing in the end doesn't matter. In those scary moments we reach out to our friends and family, for support and encouragement. Did it help you to post on FB before? I really doubt whether any of your friends on FB would feel annoyed in the slightest if you shared your feelings there. Matter of fact, a few of my friends happen to live for drama!

I'm sorry that you have had those scares...totally sucks that it was built up into this big deal and then ended up being nothing. I have been sort of on the other end, I have felt like I have had some things going on in the past that my OB's office sort of minimized when it was something that was really bothering me (related to my health, not the baby's). But I don't think there's anything you can do about it, other than just take it as it comes, and deal with it the best you can. When you're pregnant, your heart is always in your throat it seems. It's not your fault that you can't keep yourself composed, I mean I bet the thoughts running through your head at that time were that you were afraid your baby was dead! I'd be bawling too!
Please don't feel bad...I think just about every one of us would have reacted in exactly the same way as you.

I know in the past I have had the same experience of being able to hold it together (for my sister at the time) on the phone but then losing when I called my mom. So you're not alone!

To sum up...you did the right thing, you went by the book, and now you know baby is OK and you don't have to worry about him. An emotional time to be sure, but nothing to be ashamed of.
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  #4  
March 13th, 2013, 05:00 AM
jcperez's Avatar 1 Busy Momma
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We also have been hearing about a a lot of loses on here. It kind of puts us all into reality that bad things can and do happen. I know every time I hear of a loss, especially this late in the game it scares the hell out of me! This pregnancy I worry more than the other 2 that I had. I am always looking for movement and a few times I ran to find my doppler (which has saved me many trips to the OBGYN) to make sure baby is just sleeping. I have just learned with time to not tell certain people of my reactions because I know some people can be insensitive.
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  #5  
March 13th, 2013, 07:32 AM
Purrrrrrr's Avatar Semi-crunchy Mommy
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I don't think you overreacted. By this point, you know when your baby is feeling off and it's completely natural to get upset. As for having a lot of drama on FB... c'monnnnnnn.... your mom would have a cow over the vast quantities of BS that have attacked me this pregnancy. If I'm not running to the doctor for myself, it's for my husband or DS. I didn't wanna be a Debbie Downer either but sometimes you need all the prayers, good vibes, and juju that your friends and family are willing to put out into the universe for you.
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  #6  
March 13th, 2013, 08:47 AM
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I so understand! I feel in a similar boat. I was just freaking out these past 2-3 days before fetal movement has slowed down alot so I am in total panic mode.

He went from kicking and moving my belly around to just squirming like a squid to just barely moving!

Have appointment with the OBYN tomorrow luckly so bring this up!!

I just had coffee and a coffee roll/donut this morning at 9am and he headbutted me once and that was it!! He usually goes crazy with I have sweets and/or coffee! Nothing this morning!!!

Last night, after I had chinese for dinner, he did not budge, usually he goes nuts 5 minutes into a meal, so I was already panicky when he did not move and my belly just felt HEAVY, I felt like I had swollen a big rock ( he did end up moving all over the place when I went to bed , and I didn't sleep half the night with my body going numb and kept feeling him move ) but still decrease/different movements,

I think he is growing thus the belly feeling heavy/uncomfortable.

This morning, of course I went into panic mode when he just moved once with the sweets/coffee and was about to call my doctor, then I just gulped a glass of cold water and now he is moving Counted 10 moves in 20 minutes

But oh my gawd, I go into these panic mode days when I completely freak out and get scared ****less of something bad happening... Yes, does not help to read about all of the losses and completely throws me for a loop. I try not to read those posts because they completely freak me out

I feel like I go from days when I am super excited about the baby to other days when all I do is worry and go completely paranoid that he is not going to make it, although every test I do is completely normal but I also know that means nothing and I cannot help but being paranoid that will have a stillbirth and just makes me want to go in a full panic mode

I feel like a schizophrenic or a maniac - **** hormones!!!
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  #7  
March 13th, 2013, 08:55 AM
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Dont ever feel like your crying wolf. Stuff like this is scary and only getting answers and the comfort of a heartbeat can make you feel better. With my first baby i had been having contractions off and on the whole pregnancy. I had gone to L&D 5 times for monitoring and been admitted twice. So then at 32 weeks i kept feeling like i was peeing all the time and a friend said call the doctor, she immediatly said go to L&D now because i think your water broke. I called my DH and said this is so stupid but i guess we should go get checked. I felt so silly about it that i finished my shift at work and then casually went to L&D. It turns out my water did break and my son was born a few weeks later.

However with this one i thought my water broke but it didnt, i was contracting but it went away. Sometimes its nothing and sometimes its something, but its always good to know for sure.
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  #8  
March 13th, 2013, 10:02 AM
markswife's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I've gone in twice for non-stress tests after experiencing the exact same situation so I totally don't think you are crying wolf, overreacting, excessively hormonal or anything other than a completely normal pregnant lady worried about her baby.

It's one thing to know in your head that our LO's are running out of room so the movement will be different. It's entirely different to not freak out when you can't remember the last time the baby moved and can't get her to move again. I always thinks it's better safe than sorry. Chances are it's not a sign of any issue at all. But what if it was? Aren't you happy that you went in and got checked and everything is fine. I always think I would never forgive myself for ignoring that mommy instinct and finding out that there was an issue.

Big hugs to you! I hope your little one doesn't give you any more scares.
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  #9  
March 13th, 2013, 10:51 AM
Wanta.number2's Avatar Hi, I'm Tiffani!
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Lurking in... but i wanted to agree with the above posters and let you know that you are doing the right thing and its totally normal to feel the way you do. After suffering a loss myself, the most important lesson i learned from it is to trust your instincts and that its okay to be scared. Imho, when you call dr because you arent feeling movement, even if everything turns out fine, thats not "dramatic". Keep on trusting yourself and if you are scared or even if you feel like somethings wrong, you take yourself in if you feel you need to!
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  #10  
March 13th, 2013, 02:37 PM
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Thanks guys. It makes me feel a lot better to see all these encouraging posts and know I am not the only one. I think as a pregnant lady , especially as a FTM, it is hard not to feel like you are going crazy sometimes. It is hard to distinguish real emotions from hormones. I feel like I am constantly being judged about everything in my pregnancy from what I decide to eat to what diaper I want to use on my kid. Sometimes it can feel so overwhelming when you are just trying to do the best you can. Thanks again for all the encouragement
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  #11  
March 14th, 2013, 04:56 AM
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So glad your LO is okay and I'm with everyone else about getting as much support as you can as possible.
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  #12  
March 14th, 2013, 10:28 AM
ashj_1218's Avatar Hiya!
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Originally Posted by mommaerin View Post
Thanks guys. It makes me feel a lot better to see all these encouraging posts and know I am not the only one. I think as a pregnant lady , especially as a FTM, it is hard not to feel like you are going crazy sometimes. It is hard to distinguish real emotions from hormones. I feel like I am constantly being judged about everything in my pregnancy from what I decide to eat to what diaper I want to use on my kid. Sometimes it can feel so overwhelming when you are just trying to do the best you can. Thanks again for all the encouragement
Unfortunately...the judging doesn't stop even when the kid gets here. It's a blessing and a curse that so many people have an opinion on your child and your choices. Sometimes, they are very helpful (like today, i have a sick toddler and he is throwing up a lot. I have been giving him watered down juice, but not telling him to sip it...thus he is drinking normally and it might have made some of the nausea worse earlier in the day. A friend I was texting told me to use a straw and tell him to take small sips. It actually seems to help because he is complaining of nausea less now). So it's a double edged sword. I was grateful for "help" today...but I can generally do without the opinions on my diapering, discipline style, clothing choices, etc. The best thing you can do is TRUST YOURSELF. YOU are the authority on your children, in and outside. It's tough but blowing off others opinions is very important as a parent. It gets easier over time

But to the original post...you ABSOLUTELY did the right thing. I always think of things like that like this: "can I handle it if I wait this out? How will I feel if something happens/doesn't happen because of my decision right now?" and that helps me decide what to do. I had some decreased movement two weeks ago. But not enough for me to get really concerned. I was okay with waiting for my appt, since I was only mildly concerned. And that seemed to be the right decision then. Your case, I prolly would have done just what you did. It's no big deal to ask for help/support on Facebook. This is, in fact, one of the primary times to do so. It's an amazing time in your life, full of changes and scary aspects. I don't think anyone would think you "cried" wolf simply for having two blips in your pregnancy. Tell folks what is going on. They are already concerned, they saw you leave in tears and are probably thinking the worst. It's much better to be open with it than not.

And I cried over a prescription mix up the other day. Yep...in the pharmacy. With my children with me. And tons of onlookers. But...I needed to cry because I was overwhelmed. I blame the bump It's very, very normal to feel emotionally out of control at that stage of the game. No one (should) judge you for something you clearly don't have entire control over. There is a reason why pregnant women are depicted as emotional wrecks on TV and movies....
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