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While SIL was giving birth, her DH was ...


Forum: May 2013 Playroom

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  #1  
March 13th, 2013, 06:39 PM
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My SIL had her third baby yesterday. Her husband decided not to attend the birth, they have so many problems and always argue and he never wanted this third kid etc etc. Anyhow he was down here (100 miles away from her) working with my DH, they own a small family business. Yesterday happened to be my BIL's birthday too.

Anyhow, while his wife was going through labor and left her two kids (ages 10 and 6) with her relatives he was here "celebrating" his birthday with another woman.. not really but almost. See there's a woman (let's call her X), also married with two kids who keeps coming to their work place and they obviously are interested in each other. This woman is the best friend of another female employee (let's call her Y). Seems like X pretends to visit Y at work all the time just to see my BIL who always compliments her on her looks, hair etc. How do I know? My husband told me. He at first thought it was cute.

I went to get some paperwork done today and had to stop by for DH signatures. He told me that X brought a fancy cake to his brother on his birthday. I flipped out. This is SOOO wrong. The wife of course has no idea. It's not fair to her and to X's husband. Wth is wrong with these people? I am not close with my SIL, she never liked me, she's been in the family much longer than I and she's ten years older then me etc.. I don't like her but I don't hate her either. My DH was like "why are you mad?" etc. I don't know.. maybe b/c it's wrong? AAAAAND, my DH used to be the morally good one in the family, but if he's Ok with that, then how do I know he won;t do the same!? Oh-- the female employee btw, she's becoming best friend with DH, apparently they talk about everything and he "likes and trusts" her. She is going thorugh divorce and he knows alllllll her life story

anyhow, back to SIL.. I was thinking of finding X's husband number somehow and call him to stop this whole crap but then I think hey no one in DH family like me anyways so why get involved.. what would you do?
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  #2  
March 13th, 2013, 07:13 PM
Ltem45
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I don't know what I would do, but I would be angry too!
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  #3  
March 13th, 2013, 07:22 PM
Memi's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I'd say something to your BIL about him needing to be with his family right now. Aside from him being more interested in flirting with another married woman...if your wife is going through labor and you've just had a newborn baby, you should be with your family. Period!
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  #4  
March 13th, 2013, 07:42 PM
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It IS wrong and it would make me angry as well, but I'm really not sure what you can do about it. I think I would probably just stay out of it and leave it alone. I know it's hard, but if you got involved, it all just might get worse. Especially if your DH doesn't want to get involved, I would follow his lead.
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  #5  
March 13th, 2013, 08:54 PM
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I totally feel you on this, it's so WRONG on so many levels! I understand too how you would be worried about your own DH because of his nonchalance about it. I would also be concerned about your DH knowing "all about" this other woman's life who is going through a divorce. My dad cheated on my mom and he was that kind of guy who had all the other women crying on his shoulder...so compassionate...*gag*. Anyway I might count that as a small red flag that he has spent that much time getting to know her.
As for your SIL, I don't know that it's right to get involved, but at the same time, if I were her and I didn't know what was going on, I would be really upset if I knew that someone else knew and didn't tell me. Such a hard decision to make there. If there were some way to talk to her privately and somehow feel out how things are going with her husband, then maybe it might work but...if you two are not on good terms, I just don't know.
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  #6  
March 13th, 2013, 09:20 PM
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I sympathize with you because it's a really messed up, but I would mind my own business. Your husband is your business but you can't stop him from being friends with someone, so for the time being it's probably best to play it as cool as you can.
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  #7  
March 14th, 2013, 06:54 AM
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Joy had good points.

Myhubby and I are never alone with members of the opposite sex, period. Nothing good usually comes out of that. We are very religious and it comes out of treating your spouse with respect. None of this is respectful, but I'm not sure without expectations in place how to fix it. I would be having some heart to hearts with hubby though. He doesn't need to be her confidante..it can be to dangerous and destructive.

I'm sorry.
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  #8  
March 14th, 2013, 07:35 AM
Sweet_Mama's Avatar Super Mommy
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I wouldn't say anything. There could be more to the story. What if its not his kid that she fave birth to. Lol. Sorry for my humorbut anyways, I would stay out of it. I have had family drama that has taken a long time to clear up and if its your in laws then sometimes it may never clear up and force people to take sides. Eventually he will get caught or leave. Things just have to play out..

As for ur DH just be honest and tell him your uncomfortable with him knowing a co worker so personally. She doesn't need to air out dirty laundry at work
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  #9  
March 14th, 2013, 10:12 AM
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OK yeah I decided not to say anything about my BIL/SIL issue. DH and I have our own issues to fix anyways. I really am beginning to dislike this woman that works for him, it's very obvious that she does NOT like me. DH won't fire her or let her go, we have been having so many arguments b/c of her. He says she's one of his best employees bla bla.. believe me, I saw her at work, she's nothing but a chatter-box (with others, not with me).

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Originally Posted by Counting our Blessings View Post
Joy had good points.

Myhubby and I are never alone with members of the opposite sex, period. Nothing good usually comes out of that. We are very religious and it comes out of treating your spouse with respect. None of this is respectful, but I'm not sure without expectations in place how to fix it. I would be having some heart to hearts with hubby though. He doesn't need to be her confidante..it can be to dangerous and destructive.

I'm sorry.
My husband used to be like that, very religious, conservative and he wouldn't see a need to be alone with a woman, ever. I wasn't a fan of it b/c he controlled my life too, I had to end my relations with male friends and co-workers prior to getting married etc. But he's a changed person now obviously, he seems to hire woman only lol
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  #10  
March 14th, 2013, 10:27 AM
jcperez's Avatar 1 Busy Momma
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OUCH!! I would be torn as to what to do as well.Its really tough, especially that you are not close with your SIL and if you say something, whats to say she takes HIS side and then everything will always be awkward with all of you. I get what you are saying about your husband too. I also would feel the same as you. I would work on talking with your husband about their mess of a situation and see how he really feels about the situation. I assume this is his brother right? He must know more to the story if hes close with him. I feel bad for your SIL especially after just having a baby and all. Some men just seem to think the grass is always greener on the other side. If it continues, I would say something to your brother in law. Ask him whats going on and tell him its obvious and its wrong. Maybe he needs a little scare.
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  #11  
March 14th, 2013, 10:42 AM
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Yikes. Someone is having an affair. But I would not get involved unless something is going on with your DH. You don't need to be in that mess.
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  #12  
March 14th, 2013, 11:51 AM
MindyRambo's Avatar Super Mommy
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Just popping in to give another perspective... people usually say dont' get involved in these situations, but everyone would want to know if it was them.

I know a girl who no one wanted to tell about something like this. She ended up with Herpes (that's for life) and a full term baby who died of Syphillis complications due to a cheating husband.

I don't care if they people want to shoot the messenger, I will never again bury my head in the sand when people are doing crap they shouldn't be doing, and someone else's health could possibly be affected.
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  #13  
March 14th, 2013, 12:38 PM
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But she's not positive he is having an affair...that could cause a lot of damage if he actually wasn't. Why worry a new mother like that? Chances are the wife has a feeling or an instinct on these things anyway...she doesn't need anyone to tell her.
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  #14  
March 15th, 2013, 01:15 AM
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Idk its a though one. If they work it out then you become the bad one because you "mind others business". If you don't and she find out you knew your wrong for not telling. These situations are always sticky.
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