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O/T--potty training


Forum: May 2013 Playroom

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  #1  
April 3rd, 2013, 04:54 PM
EverydayJoy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Hey ladies,
So this is on my mind today because DH and I had a big fight about it over the phone. I get so annoyed too, because I can't get mad without crying, thanks to hormones! Grr!

Anyway, so DS is 3, he turned 3 in January. He pees in the potty fine, but refuses to poop in the potty. He doesn't like underwear, but I let him go naked often. I put him back in diapers for naptime and bedtime, and he tells me when he wants a diaper for pooping. Some days I am tired and just let him stay in a diaper most of the day if he wants to.

So DH apparently thought I was going to do some marathon potty-training boot camp prior to Kody being born. I don't like the idea of doing that anyway, let alone letting it wait for so close to delivery! I had heard from a couple of you that your older child regressed somewhat when their younger sibling was born, so I sort of was thinking I'd just go with the flow until after Kody was born and then give it another go.

I guess I just want to see opinions to see whether I am thinking about this properly, or if I'm just being lazy! I will admit I am being kinda lazy about it because I don't want to put out the energy required to be on top of potty training 24/7.
I also don't want to have a knock-down, drag-out fight with my toddler about pooping in the potty, because I know that would be what the end result would be if I forced him to do it.
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  #2  
April 3rd, 2013, 05:28 PM
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I haven't had this situation where the child will do a wee but not a poo in the toilet so I'm not sure I can give good advice. I guess I would wonder why you need to jump on it now, won't your DH wait until your little boy is ready? I've always waited until they want to potty train. Both my girls were 3 when they really got into it. Another big factor can be preschool readiness and often a child will be helped at preschool if #2 is an issue.
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  #3  
April 3rd, 2013, 05:33 PM
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Well I think you are the sweetest- so don't take anything I say personal. But if your little one can ASK for a diaper to poop in- he should be going in the potty. I think it's time to toughen up on him and get it done. Remember- you are the mama and he ( the little one) is not the boss! Plus- you don't want to deal with TWO in diapers!!

Good luck
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  #4  
April 3rd, 2013, 06:18 PM
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I've got a girl so I'm not sure I'm any help she was potty trained by the time she was 2 and a half and we never really had an issue but I don't know if that's because she was a girl I agree with kurly if he can ask for a diaper he can use the potty I don't think u will have much time when the baby's here so I would try and get it sorted now maybe get him to sit on the potty with a book then a reward if he goes gl x
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  #5  
April 3rd, 2013, 06:21 PM
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Joy, I'm in the exact same boat as you. My son turned 3 on Jan. 3. He also pees just fine in the potty, but will not go poop either. The difference is he doesn't even tell me he needs to go poop. He also still wears a diaper for nap and bedtime. Usually he poops in his diaper after nap or in the morning before I get him out of his crib. He has said he needs to go poop a couple of times while sitting on the potty, but he ends up just sitting there farting and wasting time. Then he will refuse to get up, but still no poop ever comes out. I started using a timer to get him off bc I refuse to sit there for a half hour. Personally I think it's a stall tactic bc he does this before nap or bedtime.

He has had some constipation issues and the doctor suggested Miralax but I wasn't comfortable with that, so I'm working on his diet. More fruits and veggies, more fiber, healthier, less sugar. I think it's helping with the constipation, but he still hasn't gone poop on the potty yet. He is scared to.

I'm not going to push or force him bc he is at a very defiant stage right now. The more I push, the more resistant he is on everything. So I plan to revisit it in the summer after things calm down with the baby. He does wear underwear all day (except for naps and nighttime) and never has accidents.

If your son asks for a diaper to poop in, one thing I read you could do to start was at least make him do it in his diaper in the bathroom. Reward him for that. Maybe try that for a week. Then the next step would be he has to sit on the potty with his diaper on and poop. Again, reward for that step. Then cut a hole in his diaper so he still feels like his diaper is on, but it goes in the potty. The last step is finally removing the diaper. I would try this if my son ever got to asking me for a diaper to poop.
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Last edited by kary4; April 3rd, 2013 at 06:25 PM.
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  #6  
April 3rd, 2013, 06:42 PM
MrsNHigh's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Been there in that exact spot. Reese would NOT poop on the toilet. He'd hold it for days. After daycare each day he would get a pull-up, put it on and poop in it. After getting frustrated and angry and feeling every emotion possible, I just gave up. He wasn't ready, and no amount of rewards or anger or anything was going to change that. One day about 5 months before he turned 4, he went into the bathroom and pooped on the toilet all by himself. I seriously cried and took a picture of the poop in the toilet (cuz I'm a lunatic! Lol!!). He never wore another pull-up.

Some kids are bootcamp kids and some are I'll do it when I'm ready. You don't want to give him anxiety over using the bathroom. He won't be pooping in diapers when he's 16. Just let him be.
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  #7  
April 3rd, 2013, 07:10 PM
markswife's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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DD uses the potty all the time at day care and almost never at home. I have always heard there is regression when the new little one comes along so I refuse to be worried about this right now. I don't think you can force potty training so I wouldn't sweat it if I was in your shoes. Once the baby is here, you can work on it. I think there are enough changes coming up for our toddlers without adding potty training to the top of it.
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  #8  
April 3rd, 2013, 07:19 PM
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I can't really offer much advice, and I know it's probably really frustrating (especially for your husband) for the time being, but this WILL pass, so making it a big deal RIGHT NOW is kind of unnecessary. Like Nichole said, he isn't going to be pooping in diapers when he's 16 years old. Boys tend to mature slower than girls anyway (one friend told me it's unfair for boys to have older sisters, because it makes them look stupid when they aren't, really). From reading around on the internet, it seems this problem occurs much more frequently with boys than girls. So... I dunno. Good luck
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  #9  
April 3rd, 2013, 08:17 PM
EverydayJoy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Thanks everyone for the advice. Hopefully DH and I will work this out between us...seems like the biggest problem is our inability to agree about it. DS is only 3 so I'm not too worried about him being in diapers forever!
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  #10  
April 3rd, 2013, 09:31 PM
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Well, Liam is 3.5 and not potty trained at all. He has no interest and I have no interest in getting into a battle with him about it.

You know what they say..."You can't make a kid eat, sleep, or poop." And it's not worth getting riled up over. It's not laziness, it's just letting him take the lead. It's amazing to me how much smoother things usually go if I give up my "you are gonna do this my way" attitude. A little responsibility for his own habits is a good thing. And if he wants to poop in a diaper, let him! It's not worth the struggles. He will go in the potty when he is ready, much like Liam will train when he is good and ready. I don't much like being forced into things either...and I am not a bull-headed toddler! Lol.
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  #11  
April 3rd, 2013, 09:36 PM
EverydayJoy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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LOL Ashlee! I don't like being forced into things either...and our little apple doesn't fall far from the tree! I have always been stubborn, bullheaded, etc. and I think our son is a lot like his mom. His dad is stubborn too, when he wants to be! I think being stubborn can be graduated into being assertive when kids get older. Although stubborn kids can be a pain to deal with, I think it can help them when they are older, to think for themselves and not just roll over and take everything the world wants to dish out. Their stubborn streak just has to be tempered a bit to make it work!
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  #12  
April 3rd, 2013, 09:47 PM
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^^Absolutely agree! I am very stubborn. It has served me rather well in life. DH is also somewhat stubborn...so our kids are pretty much doomed.

BUT, I do think that being stubborn can be a huge benefit in the long-run. I am that weirdo that kinda loves how my kid will speak for himself, stand up for whatever he wants/doesn't want, and makes no bones about "how it will be." He doesn't get walked on and he also doesn't follow whatever the other kids are doing. He couldn't possibly care less if ALL his friends use the potty or want to go inside on a cold day...he doesn't want to do those things and just plain won't. Lol. It makes me a little bit proud to see that he has leader tendencies. And really does use his stubborn streak to do good as well (he refused to throw sand one day even though the other kids were doing it, because he said he didn't want to hurt anyone's eyes). So I gotta commend the kid for doing his own thing. Even if that means he doesn't want to do what I want him to do!

I am learning as a parent, quickly, that if I treat my littles like they are valid people with valid opinions, things go so much better. And his legitimate opinion is that the potty sucks and he doesn't want to deal with it. Fair enough! I save the big guns for things like road safety, kindness to others, and things that aren't really negotiable (wearing car seat straps, brushing teeth, etc). I am by no means the greatest parent...I know some people think I either let my kids do things they would never let their kid do...but I am a pretty happy parent when I let the little things go.

Maybe your hubby would understand that this isn't a battle to pick right now. Given that most kids DO regress in some ways when the new baby comes, it seems difficult to introduce a new skill only to have it potentially backslide and have to do it again. Thankfully, DH follows my lead with the kiddos, but more because his parents were horrible examples of how to raise kids with respect. So I don't often have to deal with differing opinions on such things. I am sure that time is coming!
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  #13  
April 3rd, 2013, 09:57 PM
EverydayJoy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Good for you! That's great that you can see past the "stubborn" to the benefit behind it. I shudder to think what some parents might do in an effort to get that stubborn streak in line with their wishes. I think letting the little things slide is smart. My mom used to say, if it isn't moral, ethical, or spiritual (if you are a religious person), then let it go! Pick your battles wisely. I think that's good advice.

I think the only real problem here is not DS, it's the disagreement between DH and I. I'm not sure how to proceed. Do I just acquiesce because I'm tired of fighting about it? Do I stick to my guns and go out in a blaze of glory? LOL. I know hormones are playing their part too. I kinda hope DH just sort of lets it slide so I can do what I want to do. Hah.
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  #14  
April 3rd, 2013, 10:12 PM
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A blaze of glory! Lol. Love the image.

I think it depends on DHs personality. If you can appeal to a logical side of him (say...you are going to hugely pregnant, alone while he is on the road, having a house guest, AND trying to make a huge push for potty?!?) and he will be able to look past his feeling of being right about it...I would try that route. Or, if you are the primary person to deal with it (like, my DH changes maybe 2 diapers a week...out of two kids too!), just say its your party and since you are pretty much in charge of that area, he is gonna have to let you handle it.

But if he is gonna make it a huge deal...it might be better to at least let him know your concerns...but say you'll try it anyway.

Like I said, I don't often deal with DH having a different parenting opinion. He just doesn't feel that strongly about much of it. So I guess I am lucky in that way. But I don't know to what ends I would fight him on something if he really had a strong opinion on it.

Another option...tell DH if he wants a big push before kody comes...he can do it Might help change his mind!
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  #15  
April 3rd, 2013, 10:46 PM
EverydayJoy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Yup, I've tried all those things...appealing to his logical side...hey, I'm close to delivery, it's easier for me to do it this way, for these reasons, and I don't want to do all the work of a mad potty-training boot camp and then have it all go up in smoke if DS regresses after the birth, etc...that didn't work.
I also tried the tactic of "Well, you're not the one that has to deal with the day in and day out, so my opinion is the one that counts most since I have to make it happen." Yeah that didn't go over well either. lol. I also told him how my sister's boys didn't potty train for poop until 4 or 5. He figures that's just a crazy anomaly so it doesn't count. His grandmother (who he's very close to) is of the same mind as him, and he figures since she raised 3 boys, she should know.

I would love to tell him that if he wants it done, he can do it himself! But of course Ethan is shy in the potty and only wants Mommy in there with him. Even just for peeing, he doesn't want Daddy in there. So there goes that idea! Boo!

Hah. I think I'm going to just have to give it a halfway effort to placate DH and then see what happens.
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  #16  
April 4th, 2013, 04:30 AM
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Just say you'll try and that it didn't work! Hehe. Once the baby is here he won't have time to think about it.

Or, tell him it's stressing you out and that's not good for the baby.

Or, go ahead and try having him poop in his diaper in the bathroom? See if Ethan is open to that? Use stickers or treats for a reward.
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  #17  
April 4th, 2013, 05:30 AM
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I don't know......my friend had a child who would only poop in a diaper, so she just gave him one to poop in every time. Eventually she started saying no, and would only put him in a diaper (or pull up) for nap time and bed time. He would poop every single nap time, but he eventually grew out of it and started going on the toilet. I think that by denying him the diaper, it kind of becomes a power struggle, which is definitely not a good thing when it comes to potty training. I'd keep encouraging him to pee on the potty, encourage him to poop on it too, but if he doesn't, don't worry too much about it. One day it will probably just click for him.

My oldest daughter was PT'd when my youngest came along, and she never regressed. My youngest daughter PT'd back in December when she was 23 months, and I don't think she'll regress when this baby arrives either. She HATED diapers though.
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  #18  
April 4th, 2013, 06:51 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kurly View Post
Well I think you are the sweetest- so don't take anything I say personal. But if your little one can ASK for a diaper to poop in- he should be going in the potty. I think it's time to toughen up on him and get it done. Remember- you are the mama and he ( the little one) is not the boss! Plus- you don't want to deal with TWO in diapers!!

Good luck
I agree. We're focusing on the potty right now and DS will pee in it no problem but always goes poo in his underwear so I can relate to you on this. However I would not give him a diaper just to poo in, especially if he is aware he needs to poo ahead of time. I'd either let him poo in the potty and if he refuses then on the floor it goes and I'd get him to help me clean it up. I know that sounds gross but I think it would quickly resolve your issue. If he's asking for a diaper to poo in then it sounds like it's definitely time for him to start getting a little tough love on this and being told we don't poo in diapers, we poo on the potty. Period.
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  #19  
April 4th, 2013, 07:47 AM
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You might have your husband read something like this: HELP! My toddler (35 mos) won't go to toilet for Bowel Movement | BabyCenter

There are pages and pages of people saying their kids did the exact same thing. It sounds like your husband, like any parent, is worried about his kid being "normal" and wants to push the issue.

I do kind of agree that if he's ASKING for a diaper to poop in, you might start denying that. He's gonna have to poop anyway (especially if you start feeding him prunes????), so he'll have to figure out a new way to do that (in his underwear, on the floor, IN THE TOILET). Also, this will be a great embarrassing story you can tell his high school girlfriends.

Also, your hubby might not like it, but you can put your foot down on this issue (citing all the reasons you've already given in one succinct lecture). If he isn't around to enforce anything, there's nothing he can really do about it.
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  #20  
April 4th, 2013, 08:29 AM
Ryan and Alex's Mommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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If he can pee in the potty then he can poo in the potty. You need to be strong and keep up with it. Putting him in diapers or letting him poop in diapers is just going to set you back. When I trained my boys they were both 2.5 years and we stayed home for about 4 days straight. I let them go naked for 2 days and then used pull ups but called them big boy underwear (never diapers) and told them not to get the cool new characters wet. They both did great. You need to be 100% or there isn't really any point. JMO
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