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Cry it out method-will you do it?


Forum: May 2013 Playroom

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  #1  
June 3rd, 2013, 01:06 PM
NewlyMrs's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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So my little one needs to be rocked to sleep. I love those precious moments with him but at times he's fussy no matter how much we rock or walk with him. Last night we would get him to sleep and then lay him down and he'd wake right back up. I know it's a newborn thing for now, but are we creating a problem for ourselves?

I don't know it I will ever bring myself to let him cry it out, but I also want him to be able to self soothe.

Do you plan on letting your baby ever cry it out? If so, what age will you begin?
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  #2  
June 3rd, 2013, 01:36 PM
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nope. We don't. None of our kids have. I believe they are crying because they need something, even if it's just comfort from Mama. Our little one just turned 5 weeks today and she sleeps in with us. She will until she's ready to move to a bassenet or crib. By the age of 6 months all of our kids have slept through the night, missing a night or two here and there. Its worked for us.
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  #3  
June 3rd, 2013, 01:59 PM
misty3281's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I've considered it, but I doubt I could bring myself to do it. I just can't imagine leaving her there crying wondering why nobody cares. My mom and sister both did it, but I just don't think it's for me. I am thinking of starting now trying to get her sleeping in her own bed though. She's moving around more and it makes me nervous. It's not going to be easy I'm sure.
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  #4  
June 3rd, 2013, 02:07 PM
markswife's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I have done CIO with DD but not until she was older. At this point, crying equals a need our children have so I think it's too early to ignore the crying. As a parent, I think you can recognize the cries that mean there is a need and the cries that are for manipulation. I ignore the manipulation cries.

As for rocking to sleep, I would try to nip that in the bud now. Several moms from my PR had that carry on much longer than they wanted. I lay Caroline down with her pacifier and she goes right to sleep. If she cries, it's usually because she has a burp or needs more to eat. Even with all the trouble Natalie is giving us, she does fall asleep on her own and has since she came home.
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  #5  
June 3rd, 2013, 02:11 PM
EverydayJoy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I could never do CIO with Ethan, even though he was fussy/crying ALL the time in the first year of life. I tried doing it, and then just broke down crying because I felt so bad leaving him there bawling his eyes out, and ran in and got him.

I disagree with markswife, I think rocking to sleep is great even though it can be tiresome for the mom. The reason I work so hard helping my little guy go to sleep is that without the extra help from me, he wouldn't fall asleep, and consequently I wouldn't be able to sleep either. So in a way, it's selfishly motivated. Some babies are awesome and go to sleep on their own. Others need help from Mom. When you soothe them, you are laying down the foundation for them to learn to soothe themselves. So I think it's important to foster that.
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  #6  
June 3rd, 2013, 02:19 PM
NewlyMrs's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thanks for the input ladies! Yes, without me rocking him he would cry and not get himself to sleep, so that would be letting him cry it out. He likes the paci but only sometimes. He needs one of us to help him. I would love if he would lay down and go to sleep on his own, but I don't think he's that kind of baby
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  #7  
June 3rd, 2013, 02:35 PM
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Yup. Did it with all my kids. It's really really hard, but it pays off big time.
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  #8  
June 3rd, 2013, 03:23 PM
mrsjl's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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by going to your baby when he cries, you are showing him that you love him and are meeting his needs. it actually creates confident, independent children because they feel "safe" and they know that no matter what, if they need someone, they will be there. I HATE when my baby cries and I can't get to him right away (like if we are driving) and he ends up stopping, because he didn't stop when his needs were met, he stopped when he gave up because no one came to him. breaks my heart.

when my middle child turned 1 we did a version of CIO, we would put him in his bed and then go to him after 1 minute, soothe him (but NEVER picked him up) and then left again and we'd double the time we were away each time until he fell asleep, so 1 minute, 2 minutes, 4 minutes, etc. that way he knew we were there, that we would come to him, but that it was bed time and he wasn't coming out. but again, he was a year old before we tried that.
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  #9  
June 3rd, 2013, 03:33 PM
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No. I won't.

I am in the unique position of having done it once (with Liam) and hating myself for it. He was 10 months, waking every hour all night long (and had his entire life) and we did "rapid extinction," which means we went in every 5-10-15-20 minutes (depending on which night we were on) to soothe, but not pick up. It worked, he started sleeping for 4-5 hours at a time and would only wake for a paci or quick kiss and go back to sleep. But I would not choose it again, and did not with Kieran. I felt like I had failed him in some way, that he still did need me and I was ignoring those needs. I wish I had stuck it out, because those four or five nights were not really worth it. It is still the one parenting choice I regret. I was tired, listening to everyone else, who told me my child's sleep habits were abnormal and damaging, and just did what seemed easy. I think it had to do with his sudden self-weaning several weeks later. I can't say for sure, obviously. I think he would have slept on his own soon enough and that I caused emotional stress for both me and him by trying to rush him into it.

But I know some are fine with it and I am fine if the choose that route. I am just saying for ME, it was not the type of parent I wanted to be and have actively changed my thinking about infant sleep.

Kieran slept through the night on his own at 14 months and I didn't enforce it at all. He is a much better sleeper, even today, than Liam is. And I don't know the role I played in that. Liam still wakes at night and needs reassurance.

Jo sleeps with us and I plan to let her for as long as she needs that comfort. If she sleeps through earlier than a year, that is a bonus. But I don't expect it.
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  #10  
June 3rd, 2013, 03:46 PM
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I did CIO with my DS when he was about 9 months old, I wish I had done it before he could pull up to stand because that made it a little harder. I was against it when I first became a mom, I didn't think that I had the nerve for it and I knew I would feel bad. But when DS was about 8 months old every way we tried to put him to sleep didn't work. Our old stand bys of rocking or nursing to sleep didn't work at all. So we started trying every version of a "no-tears" sleep training that I could find. None of them worked for DS. So after 2 nights of DS sleeping 3 hours on my chest I talked to our pediatrician about it and she said "Change his diaper, put him in comfortable clothes, feed him, and put him down." It took a week for there to be absolutely no crying at bedtime but he started sleeping 13 glorious hours a night after that.

I'm trying to lay DD down drowsy so she can learn to self soothe because she doesn't seem as needy as my son but if we have to I will CIO again.

Just an FYI this is a great post about how important age is when you do any sort of sleep training (not just CIO) to make it easiest on you and baby, wish I had known this with DS!

Does When You Sleep Train Help Determine Success? | Hellobee
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  #11  
June 3rd, 2013, 04:09 PM
jcperez's Avatar 1 Busy Momma
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I just cant bring myself to do it! He tends to hold his breathe which freaks me out. His cry alone breaks my heart, I just cant handle hearing him cry at all.
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  #12  
June 3rd, 2013, 04:31 PM
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It's not for us. Although I have friends who have sworn up and down they would never use CIO, and after months and months of not sleeping did and don't regret it, at this point, it's not something I can see myself doing.

I have lucked out with a wonderful little man, but I know that for me as a mom, I'm happy and willing to go to him when he cries. Like others have said, I believe that his cries mean something, I do not believe an infant is manipulating me and if he has a need I as his mother want to meet it, and develop the trust in him that I will be there for him. Even if that means getting up with him frequently. He also sleeps at the side of my bed, so he's not more than an arms reach away, making night wakings much easier for me to handle.

I also don't judge how anyone else chooses to parent, so long as you find a method that works for your family, and you are all happy with it, I say do what works! I know that as a first timer, many of my ideas and ideals will probably change and adjust to our lifestyle based on our specific baby (and any future children will also likely require some adjusting on our part). In the meantime, if you are happy to rock your little one to sleep I say do it! They aren't going to be this little for long, and if you are happy, and baby is happy, that sounds like the perfect situation to me!
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  #13  
June 3rd, 2013, 04:37 PM
pressedfairie's Avatar Super Mommy
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I won't do CIO. I didn't do it with DS, and he was a terrible sleeper. It just seems too unnatural for me, and I've always parented with my instincts. DD is a much better sleeper so far than DS ever was, so I'm hoping I have an easier time with night parenting.

The way I see it - they are only this little for a short amount of time in the grand scheme of things, so I prefer to just wait until my kids are emotionally ready rather than forcing milestones on them.
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  #14  
June 3rd, 2013, 04:40 PM
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I just want to add that CIO isn't recommended until a minimum of 4 months and, like some of the women who have used it said, is usually practiced in such a way that you soothe at certain intervals and using certain methods (i.e. talking to but not picking up)-- it isn't simply letting the baby cry and cry while you ignore it from a distance (which is what a lot of people imagine it to be). At this stage it's critical that babies get attention when they need it or you risk attachment disorders (the extreme consequence). You'll have the rest of your life to run conditioning experiments on your child if you so desire (like I do!), but this isn't the time for it.

That said, baby Misha gets a LOT of attention (husband and I are at home full time, plus dad is here a lot) so we're also careful to give him time to himself (both so he isn't overstimulated and so that he doesn't expect to have attention constantly).
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  #15  
June 3rd, 2013, 08:31 PM
NewlyMrs's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thank you ladies. Great advice here. The take away for me is to do what feels right and not worry what the books or other people say!
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  #16  
June 4th, 2013, 01:29 AM
Memi's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I had to do CIO w my oldest. It was one of thoae things I said id never do but it was the only way to get him to sleep. He was an awful sleeper from birth and it got to the point where whether I was spending kore time rocking him to sleep than he would actually sleep. I think he was 4-5 months but after 2 excruciating nights it was heaben.
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