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Stressed OUT. *long*


Forum: May 2013 Playroom

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  • 1 Post By kurly
  • 1 Post By kary4
  • 2 Post By Erin80
  • 1 Post By rheaimedved
  • 1 Post By LabLover13
  • 1 Post By MrsNHigh
  • 2 Post By markswife

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  #1  
July 19th, 2013, 03:38 PM
LabLover13's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Marysville, WA
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I go back to work in 4 weeks (GAH!!! Don't want to even think about it!)

Our childcare situation is thus: Mondays DH's aunt comes to our house, Tuesdays at MIL's house, Wed thru Friday either DH or me is home with her (flex schedule).

DH's aunt, who has her on Mondays, has never really been around an infant. She is a widow and has no kids of her own. She's a very nice, smart lady, but not at all the maternal type. Like...she refuses to give hugs. WHO DOESN'T LIKE HUGS??? I'm honestly a little worried about her being able to handle an infant, much less a colicky one. She also has health problems, including a bad back, and has trouble standing for long periods of time.

I've expressed my concerns to the hubs, who totally gets it. We took his mom and aunt out for dinner a few weeks ago and went over our concerns. We all agreed we'd do a trial run and if anyone gets overwhelmed and can't handle it, we'd all be honest about it and speak up. I left the dinner feeling better about the situation, but now am back to being worried and feeling uncomfortable.

I really don't want to start drama with DH's family or hurt anyone's feelings, but I'm almost leaning toward hiring a nanny for that one day every week. At least that person would have experience with infants and hopefully loves kids. I knew it would be hard to go back to work and worry about finding the perfect childcare situation, but I didn't know HOW hard it would be. I feel like I'm the only one who really knows how to take care of her the way she needs (I know, I sound psychotic!)

Maybe I'm just sleep deprived because Claire has decided not to really sleep at night and is back to crying most of the day.

Thoughts? Advice? Reassurance?
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  #2  
July 19th, 2013, 04:02 PM
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Join Date: Sep 2012
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I have no advice...I am quitting my job for the exact same reason...no one can take care of his neediness but me. Lol!

Sorry
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  #3  
July 19th, 2013, 04:39 PM
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Glasgow, Scotland
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I agree I dont think anyone can take care of Joshua better than me I'm not sure if I will be going back to work either mainly due to the cost of childcare but that's not until feb I would just say u appreciate the offer of help but u feel it would be to much for her cause of the health issues and ur getting a nanny if u offend anyone personally I would rather do that than worry she's not being looked after how u want I feel the same way about my partners family there a nightmare and over my dead body would they ever look after my kids while I'm at work cause I know they wouldn't do it how I like but u know Claire best and its up to u ultimately who will look after her while ur working so this was so long winded x
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  #4  
July 19th, 2013, 05:09 PM
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I would definitely get the nanny. No offense to the aunt, but she is not qualified to look after a needy infant. Sweet of her to offer, though.
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  #5  
July 19th, 2013, 05:18 PM
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Oh man, I'd go for the nanny. I might even do the nanny two days a week (if you can afford it) so there is consistency for Claire as she gets older. That way you're just taking family out of the equation altogether, not just one person.
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  #6  
July 19th, 2013, 05:20 PM
LabLover13's Avatar Veteran
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Erin, I would TOTALLY do the nanny 2 days a week, but that would absolutely gut DH's mom and she'd probably never speak to me again (not that I would complain too much...heh). Or in a perfect world, I'd have my mom watch her those days (I absolutely trust her) but she lives an hour away and travels a lot (she's retired).

Dude. So much drama when you have a kid.
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  #7  
July 19th, 2013, 05:41 PM
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What if you did the nanny for 2 days, and had the mother in law on the third day? I know you said you and flex time on those 3 days...wouldn't it be nice to have an extra day to get more work done? Then you wouldn't hurt MILs feelings. Would you have to pay your mother in law?
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  #8  
July 19th, 2013, 06:01 PM
EverydayJoy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I think I'd be worried about the aunt, too. I would really worry about her lack of experience...I think kids can be kind of complex and if you aren't used to being around newborns (or infants), then you don't always really know what to do with one when they start crying.
I like the idea of having the consistency with the nanny as well for both days, but I understand how that could cause hurt feelings. You could always do the nanny for both days and then just ask the MIL to do one weekend day, maybe, so you and DH can have an afternoon to yourselves? That might be REALLY good for your sanity too!
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  #9  
July 19th, 2013, 09:40 PM
jcperez's Avatar 1 Busy Momma
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Well, im in a kind of similar,rough situation myself. We asked my husband's 72 year old aunt to watch the baby tues. and thurs. She is a strong woman for her age and very young at heart but she has really bad knees. my husband and I both dont feel that comfortable with her watching him because we are afraid it may be too much for her. She loves the baby to pieces and we trust her completely. Im leaning more towards day care.
But as for you, my advise is to keep the aunt rather than the nanny. Blood is blood and blood is thicker than any water....I wouldn't trust a stranger in my house to take care of the baby over an aunt. I would rather put the baby in a childcare setting where there is other people around. Im dreading this whole daycare, leaving the baby situation coming up in September. It is VERY true, no one will take care of your baby like you do. I know my baby and what my baby needs to be happy, other people don't know him the way I do...not even my husband (although hes pretty close). Im hoping I get this job as a pre-k teacher this way I can bring the baby with me to the school I work at.
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  #10  
July 19th, 2013, 10:05 PM
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I think you did the right thing by calling a mini-conference to discuss these concerns, and it sounds like you're able to communicate with them effectively, which is great. You might try having the aunt over for extended periods of time when you're home to get a feel for how she deals with it; or maybe your MIL and aunt can try it together a handful of times (before you go back to work) and then you can discuss how it went. The lack of experience with infants is my primary concern, and

As for a nanny, I know people do it all the time, but having a stranger be with my child one on one terrifies me. I'd be more likely to go to a daycare. But that's obviously a personal choice
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  #11  
July 19th, 2013, 11:05 PM
LabLover13's Avatar Veteran
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I struggle with the nanny vs. day care thing, too. Part of me really likes the idea of a nanny because it's one-on-one attention for her, whereas in a day care situation there are tons of other kids around and I would worry Claire would be ignored. But yeah, we'd need to find a really great nanny with tons of excellent references before I'd even consider it.

Ugh! Why can't we just be independently wealthy so I can stay home and not have to work? Stupid money. Harrumph.
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  #12  
July 20th, 2013, 02:14 PM
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DS 1 stayed with his 75 year old great grandma for 6 months. I was worried because her husband was dying of colon cancer and she had a bad knee, but she surprised us all and took amazing care of him. I would give her a try if she is the one who offered. You never know how an adorable baby might change or spark something in someone. If she's never been around babies, then Claire can program her, if that makes any sense. The only baby she will know will be Claire, so the neediness and what-not won't be a burden to her; it'll just be how babies are.
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  #13  
July 20th, 2013, 02:25 PM
markswife's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I was also worried about my first daughter being ignored when I first took her to day care. I would put her in something that I knew she would get bored with so that she would cry and force them to pay attention to her. It seems silly now that I was worried they would just ignore her. I love the day care we choose. I nursed every day over lunch so I really got to know the staff and they took great care of the babies and paid attention to all of them.

We choose day care because our jobs are not very flexible and we couldn't be left in the lurch with a sick babysitter. A day care center never gets sick.

Has the aunt ever stayed alone with Claire? Maybe she could watch her for a couple of hours while you run out and do errands or something. That way she would have an idea of what it will be like before she takes her for a whole day.
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  #14  
July 20th, 2013, 03:39 PM
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We're definitely going to arrange a "trial run", hopefully in the next week or so.

Thanks everyone for your wisdom! You all brought up some really good points. I think we'll see how the trial goes, and go from there.
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  #15  
July 20th, 2013, 03:57 PM
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I think I would choose a nanny over daycare if I had to because you won't be exposing your baby to all the germs. Once kids go to daycare, they seems to get sick a lot. Also, the nanny could take your child on little outings - like to the library, swim lessons, music class, etc. And your child doesn't have to leave the comfort of his/her own home. You don't have to run around in the am to get him/her ready to leave the house at a certain time.
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  #16  
July 30th, 2013, 06:00 PM
LabLover13's Avatar Veteran
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All right, I think the decision has been made. We were at a family bbq last weekend (DH's aunt was there). I was holding Claire, jiggling her on my knee because she was starting to fuss a bit. I said something about walking her around to soothe her.

DH's other aunt said something like "Oh Carol, you're going to be walking around all day when you're watching Claire!"

Carol said "Oh no, I won't be walking all day". So his other aunt says "Claire's going to have to toughen up, huh?" UM...What? No. No, my tiny infant will not have to "toughen up" because you can't walk around the house to soothe her.

Decision. Made. We're finding a nanny!
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  #17  
July 31st, 2013, 06:07 AM
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OMG! HAHA! I'm glad you were able to come to a decision, that's just scary! Was she just going to let her cry???? I think a nanny will be great for you both!
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