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So my grandma has been asking since day one to babysit Grady. He always crys when she holds him and she doesn't know how to settle him. Plus she's relatively young but not at all steady. I would worry about her dropping him or falling while holding him. At first I was able to get away with it by just saying I wasn't ready to leave him yet. Now my mom has been watching him a lot. She flat out asked me today why I don't trust her watching him. I stumbled and said my mom really enjoys her time with him and I don't need help often.
Would you continue to avoid the subject or flat out tell her how you feel? I don't want to hurt her feelings but feel like I am either way. Ugh.
Melissa, Mommy to Grady James, 4-4-13
That's really a tough one. Is there someone who knows her well that you could ask how she might handle it? Maybe your mom (if she's your mom's mom) could shed some light on what would be the best way to handle it.
Have you considered maybe just leaving him like 30 minutes or something so she has the 1:1 time she wants with him but not enough time for anything bad to really happen? Or visit and let her watch him while you take a nap? My grandma told me from the beginning she doesn't do crying babies and Avery would cry every time she picked her up so she wasn't too adamant about keeping her. She just recently started being able to hold and play with her without Avery fussing.
I agree with Joy about maybe talking to your mom or somebody close to both of you and seeing what they say about what to tell her. I'm sorry I can't offer more advice than that. Good luck.
I like the idea of letting her watch him while you take a nap then you can give her what she wants without actually having to leave him with her totally alone. May also work to just say that he so fussy and so you don't want to leave him alone with her for her own sake not because you don't trust her. We live in a town far away from any family so have absolutely nobody to leave him with. Really worried about what happens if he gets sick when i go back to work as the day care is very strict about not allowing sick kids, so I am very jealous of you having two options!
I agree with misty and realmom. Perhaps you could leave her with the baby for thirty minutes. If he's fussing too much with her, I am sure she won't ask to do it again.
Another option, maybe you could do a 'supervised' babysitting, let her watch him but if possible make sure there's someone else is around her too if you're worried about her hurting the baby unintentionally.
But that's a tough one, for sure.
DD born in September 2011
Baby due in May 2013
That is so tough. I know I'm the type that doesn't let anyone watch Lexi, even my own parents at this point. They're older and seem to have forgotten how to deal with babies. They do better with older kids. I'm fine leaving my son with them now, but it took a while. But we won't be ready to leave Lexi until she's at least 6 months old.
I would continue to avoid the situation as long as possible. Just say you never need her to babysit because you have your Mom. I would also say you don't like leaving him with anyone but your Mom at this point, but maybe when he's older you can babysit him.
Dh's grandparents are the main caregivers for our 23mo old nephew, and based on how they 'parent' him, Arthur will not be in their unsupervised care. Ever. They haven't asked yet, but I'm sticking with the "sorry, I'm breastfeeding" excuse... until my kid is 6 if I have to!
I feel the same way about not fully trusting some people who you know want to look after the little. In the end you have to do what feels right for you, and honestly if she pressures you, or tries to make you feel guilty I would just say "I'm sorry if you don't understand, but I'm just not comfortable with that. It's not personal, I'm really only doing what makes me feel at ease." If she presses further, I'd get real, and explain the things you've mentioned here!
I would also say, "I'm nursing, so my baby needs me around". Now that I say that it probably won't float if you let your mom keep him. I'm not sure, I don't leave my kiddos until they are at least a few years old and than only for emergencies.
Jesus loving, homeschooling, devoted wife to a wonderful hubby and 10 kids, ages 13 down to 2 months
Thank you all! I value your opinions very much! At this point I think I would only be comfortable with her watching him while I nap so I can intervene if necessary, but there wouldn't be any napping going on haha. Unfortunately the breastfeeding excuse won't work because she knows he takes breast milk from a bottle. I'm going to give it more thought and talk to my mom some more but thanks again!
Melissa, Mommy to Grady James, 4-4-13
some great advice! I wouldn't tell how you feel because it would hurt her feelings. I like the idea of her watching him while he sleeps or let her give a bottle while you say you need to do things around the house...its tough.