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Forum: May 2013 Playroom

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  • 1 Post By SunnyBunnyMama
  • 2 Post By jcperez

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  #1  
August 1st, 2013, 08:12 PM
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 508
Does anyone else have hands off type of husband when it comes to kids and the house in general? Here's a quick preview of my day: kids wake up around 7 am and I stay with them in the house all day. Play, feed, nurse, play, scream, nap, scream, scream, eat, then in the evenings I take them for a walk around the neighborhood, then bathe them, then hopefully they'll sleep without throwing a tantrum around 8:30-9 pm. Dh leaves the house in the morning and doesn't come back before 10:30 pm. We barely talk or see each other. He's not around.. Not for me nor for the babies.

Misery loves company. Please tell me you hate your husband too lol
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  #2  
August 1st, 2013, 09:15 PM
EverydayJoy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Pacific NW
Posts: 6,619
All I can offer is sympathy! I'm sorry your DH is not present and available for you and the kids. Have you talked to him about this?
Sometimes my DH is a little clueless about helping, he doesn't always seem to know what to do and I always feel like he misses the little details, but he does try. I also sometimes have to ask for help because some days he would let me do it all by myself if I didn't ask him to do this or that. But usually when I ask him he does it cheerfully.
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  #3  
August 1st, 2013, 09:46 PM
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Glasgow, Scotland
Posts: 1,390
I'm sorry ur husbands hardly there is he working till half 10 or out with friends like joy said have u talked to him about it do u have bag support groups u can go to during the day my SO is very hands on but since Joshua was born I feel we spend no quality time together were just passing each other and our sex life is non existent I just don't have the energy do u have any family near by I would go crazy in all day with 2 young kids x
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  #4  
August 1st, 2013, 09:47 PM
NewlyMrs's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 1,686
Why doesn't he get home before 10:30? Is he working all that time? Although I do get frustrated that I do all the housekeeping I only have myself to blame because I don't ask for help. I think a part of me loves the pain lol. When it comes to Grady he is super hands on and attentive.

I'm assuming you have had the discussion with him about this? What does he say? I really hope it gets better for you! That must be really stressful to never have a break. Hugs!
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  #5  
August 1st, 2013, 09:56 PM
Shufu_in_Shunan's Avatar Padawan Kim
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Yamaguchi, Japan
Posts: 540
I'm sorry. I don't get to see my husband a whole lot, either. He leaves for work at 11:00 a.m. and gets home at 10:00 p.m. and usually sleeps from midnight till 9:30 a.m. He hasn't even had a lot of free time on his days off because we're still getting stuff set up here. He can't really help me out much with the baby usually because it's hard to store milk in our tiny fridge, but he does do a lot around the house when he can, and does nearly all the cooking and shopping.
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  #6  
August 2nd, 2013, 01:37 AM
misty3281's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Louisiana
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Don't take this the wrong way, but from what you said before and this I'm guessing he's staying gone on purpose (please correct me if I'm wrong), and to be honest if my husband acted the way yours does he wouldn't be my husband for long. Isn't yours the one that said he could see you leaving him and taking the kids and he wouldn't care or something like that? I'm sorry he is acting that way with you. I do the majority of the housework and child care, even with DH's other daughter, but that's just because he's working 24 hour shifts and going an hour away for flight training when he's off so I feel I should be doing more of the home stuff. If I ask for help with something though he certainly does it and tells me all the time how much he appreciates what I do at home. As far as Avery and hid daughter go, I do most of the day to day stuff, but if I need him to take the baby to cook or just take a nap or even just sit around baby free for a little while he does it. He'll take both kids to give me a little time alone sometimes too. I complain about him sometimes for little stuff, but really he's pretty helpful. It takes two people to make these babies and both should be pitching in. I don't know if counseling would do any good but have y'all considered it?
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  #7  
August 2nd, 2013, 01:45 AM
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Join Date: May 2013
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I am so sorry you are having a difficult time. Sometimes I feel as if I hardly see my other half but I do. Now, he has never been too interested in babies...so I try to coax him into spending time with Tiago. You can see he is uncomfortable when he cries though because he usually hands me the crying baby. Lol. I do wish he would play with his son more but I am breastfeeding most of the time (my other half usually gives a bottle at night) and he refuses to change diapers at all. I am
sure when Tiago starts really playing he will be invovle greatly. Good luck with your husband.
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  #8  
August 2nd, 2013, 04:52 AM
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Location: Canada
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My husband isn't like that, but my friends is. He doesn't do ANYTHING when it comes to childcare. She does it all. It's very hard to watch, she's definitely stronger than I am...I NEED help as soon as he walks in the door!

My hubby is home at 4:40pm every day unless he's working some rare overtime. He takes the baby about 5 min after he walks in, and then she is his responsibility all evening. I take care of our other two (he helps with discipline or whatever I need help with though). He bathes Lilah, and he puts her to bed. I bathe the other girls and I put them to bed. He is better with babies, and I'm better with older kids (not a fan of the baby phase), so it works for us. If one of us ever gets really frustrated though, we trade off. I find being home all day with our 3 girls VERY tiring and frustrating. We are very housebound this summer because of Lilah being so small, and because of Julianna being in a tantrum-y phase - I don't really venture out on my own with them all unless it's just for a drive.
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  #9  
August 2nd, 2013, 07:28 AM
jcperez's Avatar 1 Busy Momma
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This week my husband is in the dog house. Dont ask. He is good with the kids. He should be because he acts just like one himself. As far as house work..LOL he doesn't do any of that! I have been married for 14 years and its tough!!! LOTS OF COMPRIMISE!!! That's what I keep telling myself. Hes a great guy and I love him to death. Its just hard living with the same person for so long and putting up with their habits that drive you NUTS!! He really isn't I would say the "hands on" type of husband. He fixes everything when it breaks though....When it comes to cleaning and taking care of babies...its pretty much all me.
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  #10  
August 2nd, 2013, 11:20 AM
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In fairness, I know that despite our arguments, he loves his children, there's no doubt about that. He's not a lazy person who doesn't want to help, he just does not have the time for us because he works 12 plus hours a day seven days a week. Seriously.

We have talked about it again and again and he keeps saying it'll get better but it's been eight months. No change. He's the owner an d manager of his own business so I know he can make changes if he wants to. But, his job is his priority because he knows I am "doing a wonderful job with the kids so he doesn't have to worry about them".
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  #11  
August 2nd, 2013, 11:49 AM
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My husband is pretty good. He works from home a lot. When he's home, he gets up with our older son at around 7 am to do breakfast with him and play with him until 8:30 am. Then I get up and have both kids mainly all day. My husband will pop up every now and then and help me out thoughout the day - like helping me get the kids in the car or carrying out a bag for me if I'm leaving. If I come home with groceries, he unloads them for me. He usually stops working around 5 or 5:30 pm and will entertain our toddler so I can make dinner. They usually end up going outside, which is so nice. My husband also does most of the major cleaning in the house - bathrooms, vacuuming, and mopping the kitchen floor. We split the dishes. I am very lucky. At this point, I do most of the baby work since I'm breastfeeding, but I'm fine with it bc he does so much other stuff.

Last edited by kary4; August 2nd, 2013 at 11:56 AM.
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  #12  
August 2nd, 2013, 08:42 PM
ashj_1218's Avatar Hiya!
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 11,058
Eh. Mine is okay. He spends more time doing stuff around the house that aren't my top priority (reducting the dryer vent, cutting shrubbery around back, etc) than i would like. And he doesn't have a lot of patience for the kids. But he does do stuff to help. He makes dinner every night and does the dishes afterward. He will generally keep the laundry moving through, even if I have to ask. He will do a grocery run in the early morning hours (he is a morning person) if we need stuff or if I ask him to. I do wish he spent a little more quality time with the kids. It's a point of tension in our marriage. He was raised in a very bizarre atmosphere and generally has no idea how to relate to kids. His parents basically acted like they weren't kids and didn't allow them to be kids, so my hubby doesn't understand normal childhood behaviors. Or how to relate to them. But he makes an effort and will try to do things to stretch his comfort zone with them. So I gotta give him credit. He does have a few hours more in the evening to give...he is gone from 6-4:30, but the kids don't go down til 8:30, so he has a good few hours when they are up.
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