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Forum: May 2013 Playroom

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  • 3 Post By Erin80
  • 2 Post By LabLover13
  • 3 Post By ashj_1218

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  #1  
October 2nd, 2013, 12:26 PM
NewlyMrs's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 1,689
How are things going with your partner? Do you feel more or less connected since baby? How have things changed for better or worse?

Nothing could have prepared me for the changes that adding a baby brings-mostly for the better. I do miss the quality time we used to have just he and I, but Grady has added so much joy to our relationship. I love seeing him as a dad and I always look forward to doing fun things as a family. I still look forward to date nights though
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  #2  
October 2nd, 2013, 12:34 PM
Memi's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 4,966
DH is so awesome with the kids. Seeing him as a Daddy makes me fall more in lobe. It definitely brings us closer together and makes us feel more connected.on the other hand Im beyond exhausted lately. Id say the big negative is once 9 pm hits Im struggling to keep my eyes open!! This too shall pass tho!
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  #3  
October 2nd, 2013, 02:01 PM
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Location: Canada
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We're doing great! We work really well as a team I think, he helps so much with the girls whenever I need him. We DTD for the first time the other night, and I was HAPPY to find out that my lady parts aren't as wide as a wizards sleeve - he said it felt the same as before, so yay!
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  #4  
October 2nd, 2013, 02:20 PM
EverydayJoy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Pacific NW
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Yay Erin!
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  #5  
October 2nd, 2013, 02:54 PM
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Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 181
My husband and I are great. We still have our ups and downs but who doesn't!! I love to see him be a Daddy. Although I do most of the care for Tiago and work. We also try to make time to dtd about once a week...it is not easy but it is necessary!
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  #6  
October 2nd, 2013, 05:20 PM
LabLover13's Avatar Veteran
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Location: Marysville, WA
Posts: 307
I am dying laughing at "wizard's sleeve". Dying.
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  #7  
October 2nd, 2013, 07:14 PM
ashj_1218's Avatar Hiya!
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 11,095
Being fully honest...I struggle with liking DH right now. He was raised by complete idiots for parents (children are seen and not heard type, they guilt tripped the kids into feeling like everything negative was their fault). And he just doesn't know how to be a supportive, calm parent. He is mostly afraid of the kids, but some of it is my fault. I want my children raised in a loving, supportive, and fun household. One where there isn't a lot of yelling or negativity. So I know part of why he shys away from helping me is because when he gets overwhelmed, he yells. And the kids are almost always overwhelming to him right now. So he just leaves their care to me, which, needless to say, creates some animosity. We try to encourage family time. He does try at times. But I have struggles of my own, feeling like he just takes the easy way out (ala: I am so *overwhelmed* I am going to read news on the Ipad, leaving me to sort out a toddler tantrum while cajoling Jo). Thank goodness for counseling!! But, even with all the counseling knowledge and skills, along with knowing the root of his issues...it doesn't mean I have to like him. I love him, but right now is not a shining time for us (he does do better with the older ages, as he is very rational and can talk to Liam like a small adult. So I am somewhat looking forward to when the kids age out of this stage where he feels so useless to sort out their needs). It's a balancing act for us the first year. But no marriage is without it's challenges (I do admit I am a tad jealous of all the super-dads in here).
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  #8  
October 2nd, 2013, 10:28 PM
Brock's minion
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Chicago, Il
Posts: 1,120
My husband is a better father then I ever dreamed possible. I come from a family was an absent dad (at best) and my husband has shown me what men can be. He is starting to become my husband again too, he started letting go of baby attachment just enough to make some room for "us". Nothing is ever perfect but were getting back to being a couple. Today is our wedding anniversary, Brock is with his grandparents and we are on a getaway.
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  #9  
October 3rd, 2013, 12:38 AM
Kenzie's Avatar Photography Momma
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Location: Spring, Tx
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ashj_1218 View Post
Being fully honest...I struggle with liking DH right now. He was raised by complete idiots for parents (children are seen and not heard type, they guilt tripped the kids into feeling like everything negative was their fault). And he just doesn't know how to be a supportive, calm parent. He is mostly afraid of the kids, but some of it is my fault. I want my children raised in a loving, supportive, and fun household. One where there isn't a lot of yelling or negativity. So I know part of why he shys away from helping me is because when he gets overwhelmed, he yells. And the kids are almost always overwhelming to him right now. So he just leaves their care to me, which, needless to say, creates some animosity. We try to encourage family time. He does try at times. But I have struggles of my own, feeling like he just takes the easy way out (ala: I am so *overwhelmed* I am going to read news on the Ipad, leaving me to sort out a toddler tantrum while cajoling Jo). Thank goodness for counseling!! But, even with all the counseling knowledge and skills, along with knowing the root of his issues...it doesn't mean I have to like him. I love him, but right now is not a shining time for us (he does do better with the older ages, as he is very rational and can talk to Liam like a small adult. So I am somewhat looking forward to when the kids age out of this stage where he feels so useless to sort out their needs). It's a balancing act for us the first year. But no marriage is without it's challenges (I do admit I am a tad jealous of all the super-dads in here).
I could write the exact same story about my dh. (((HUGS)))
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  #10  
October 6th, 2013, 07:50 PM
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,084
We are doing really well! He's been EXTREMELY hands on.. it's a real shame he doesn't lactate! I'm so grateful that we've had so much time together! DH is still off work, he goes back at the end of this month, so it'll be an adjustment, I think it will make things easier getting into some kind of work/home life routine. I'm hopeful that we'll get through that transition quickly! I'm gonna miss all his help every day!
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  #11  
October 6th, 2013, 09:42 PM
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Remember the guy who left me when I was pregnant? Who made me want to pull my hair out at times?

He seemed to disappear.. What a daddy he has become!
Our relationship still hits a rocky road. Being first time parents isn't easy but it does bring out the true colors. Isaiah has and continues to evolve onto a mature parent. I know he didn't have his father growing up but Isaiah is making it a point to be apart of Masons life.
We do have family days, then Isaiah and I try to sit and talk and cuddle once Mason is in bed. That's if we don't fall asleep the second Mason is asleep.
My son is blessed. He has supportive families on both sides.
As for our relationship... We are communicating more. Even talks of the future but no kids planned yet lol I can't go there just yet.
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  #12  
October 7th, 2013, 02:58 AM
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Ashlee - We have some of the same issues here. DH came from a family where his dad pretty much spent no time with him, so he really doesn't know how to be a doting dad. I do a lot of the older girls care, DH will take the baby when he gets home because I need a break so badly, and he puts her to bed at night. He loses his patience SO QUICKLY with my older two though, and he yells a lot. He pretty much never does anything fun with them, never takes them out with him when he goes out, etc. It's sad, because my dad wasn't like that at all - my dad was super hands on, very involved with us, and he was a really fun dad. He was strict, but he was super fun. That's what I wanted for my girls, and that's how I thought DH would be.....but he's so not. It's a real turn off to me when I see him frustrated with the girls all the time. If he had his way, he'd spend pretty much all his time doing things by himself I think instead of with us (he'd be denying this like crazy if I said this to him, but I know it's true).
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  #13  
October 7th, 2013, 07:59 AM
EverydayJoy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Pacific NW
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We're in a bit of a rough patch here. DH is really great with Ethan, who is 3 1/2. He is firm with him but also very playful and loving. But he's no good with babies. He just tells me "I don't have the boobs." He just gets overwhelmed in a hurry and doesn't know how to calm or soothe a baby. And Kody needs a lot of soothing and calming.
The reason we're in a rough patch is because I'm so sleep deprived from waking up all night long with Kody that I end up really irritable and not fun to be around. So DH and I aren't really connecting right now. Just surviving I suppose. Hopefully Kody will start sleeping better soon.
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  #14  
October 7th, 2013, 08:58 AM
ashj_1218's Avatar Hiya!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Erin80 View Post
Ashlee - We have some of the same issues here. DH came from a family where his dad pretty much spent no time with him, so he really doesn't know how to be a doting dad. I do a lot of the older girls care, DH will take the baby when he gets home because I need a break so badly, and he puts her to bed at night. He loses his patience SO QUICKLY with my older two though, and he yells a lot. He pretty much never does anything fun with them, never takes them out with him when he goes out, etc. It's sad, because my dad wasn't like that at all - my dad was super hands on, very involved with us, and he was a really fun dad. He was strict, but he was super fun. That's what I wanted for my girls, and that's how I thought DH would be.....but he's so not. It's a real turn off to me when I see him frustrated with the girls all the time. If he had his way, he'd spend pretty much all his time doing things by himself I think instead of with us (he'd be denying this like crazy if I said this to him, but I know it's true).
Yeah. That sounds incredibly familiar. My dad was also very hands-on and involved. Not necessarily crazy patient, but he was a really fun dad who wrestled with us, took us on bike rides, made pancakes just because mom wasn't home one night and it sounded "fun". My hubby does try when I mention things (like "hey, why don't you take Liam to lowes and show him what you are buying and let him help carry the wood") and he is okay with one kiddo (he is best with Liam) and one task. But as for willingly sacrificing time to be with them, without my suggestion, he wouldn't do it. After many convos about it, he knows that opting out of things on the weekend just isn't acceptable unless he has something specific to do (aka: he opted out of a kid party two weeks ago to shampoo our carpets/paint our stairwell.) But, generally, I expect participation to fall festivals, family parties, park trips, etc. But I actually had to TELL him I expected participation, since he just assumes to do his own thing. Sorry, it does kind of suck. And I do want to scream when he walks in the door and screams at them within 5 minutes...like hello...I've been here all day and manage to keep my cool, you can't even handle five minutes?!?
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  #15  
October 7th, 2013, 01:07 PM
LabLover13's Avatar Veteran
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Location: Marysville, WA
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DH is absolutely amazing with Claire. I knew he would be, but it's awesome to see it come to fruition.

That being said, we do tend to get on each others' nerves a bit more often. And I'm really having trouble dealing with his family...I am SUPER protective of Claire, and he and I got in a huge fight the other night when I told him that I will never, ever allow his sister to be alone with her (SIL is a "former" drug addict and pathological liar, not to mention a complete idiot, so it's not even up for discussion).

Mama bear has seriously come out in me, and that's caused some tension between us.

Also, he sucks at cleaning bottles out after feeding Claire, and that annoys me to no end. He's also constantly stuffing burp rags and binkies into his pockets and then walking away, and I'm always having to hunt them down. But those are seriously minor issues and I realize I have no right to complain about them.
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  #16  
October 7th, 2013, 07:16 PM
EverydayJoy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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"...hello...I've been here all day and manage to keep my cool, you can't even handle five minutes?!?"


Haha can TOTALLY relate. I do it all day and I leave the baby with him to take a shower...by the time I get out (I do love long showers), he is already fed up. Hah! Men.
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