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Did anyone here grow up in a family with 3 kids, or 3 kids of the same gender?
I was at Lexy's tap class last night, and the girl I was talking to said her friend grew up in a family of three girls, and HATED it. She said someone was always left out. It kind of left a bad taste in my mouth. I definitely don't exclude any of my girls - we have mommy and me date days once a month for each girl doing something that interests them (well except Lilah right now obviously). I will always do my absolute best not to exclude any of them - especially my middle girl, Julianna, because I know the middle child can feel less important sometimes.
Anyway, I am NOT having a fourth - mainly because I am just happy with my 3 girls, 4 to me seems like a lot, I'm 33 and don't want to be pregnant again (as much as I loved my pregnancies), I don't want to go backwards to the newborn phase again, etc etc etc. I don't want any of my girls to hate being in a family of 3 kids, but I keep hearing all these bad stories!
I grew up in a family of 3 kids, youngest and only girl. I've always enjoyed being the only girl and never longed for sisters.
I'm also 33 and only want one more no matter what the sex, couldn't imagine going through this all at 37 or 38 like my Mom did.
Last edited by Mrsbowbin; February 27th, 2014 at 09:11 AM.
my friend who lives right next door has 3 girls. they are currently 5, 6, and 7 years old. they do everything together and no one is ever left out. they are VERY close, practically like triplets lol. they even sleep in the same room BY CHOICE. I wouldn't worry about it.
I'm the oldest of 3 girls and 2 boys. My sisters are 2 and 3 years younger. We had the regular sibling rivalry stuff but nobody was ever left out or sad about it. We shared a room from the start until I graduated high school and moved out. I would say that one person's experience isn't typical. As long as you keep it a priority to include everyone equally I wouldn't worry about it. Me and my sisters are close and always have been.
I was the youngest of 3, with 2 older brothers. There were definitely times I felt left out because the boys were a pair and would often do stuff without me. I also remember a lot of times two of us kids would gang up against the other one. That seemed to happen quite often. I always wanted a sister, though.
I grew up with three...and so did every single one of my cousins. All of my moms siblings and dads siblings (bar one, they have a late-in-life only) had three. Two sets of three boys, one set of three girls, the rest (five families) have a mix of genders, two containing sets of twins. (Follow that??! Lol)
I think the whole "three is not good" is crazy. There are tons of reasons why two isn't good. There are tons of reasons why four isn't good. There are tons of reasons why only isn't good. There are tons of reasons why five-plus isn't good. And there are tons of reasons why all of those ARE good.
But I particularly don't buy the "two will gang up on the third." Never happened in my house. Never happened when we were around my cousins. You might have two personalities that mesh better and the third is more independent. You might have one who prefers alone time and the other two are social. But I don't think that translates into feeling left out. You'll find people who say that, coming from one of three. But I have to wonder if their parents did anything to combat it. Or if it was even encouraged (some do it unintentionally like if they have a girl and two boys, the girl always goes with mom, the boys with dad...thus creating the dynamic. Wouldn't necessarily be gender-related though, if you always sent Lexy with your husband and kept the younger two with you the same thing would happen). Just like you could find someone with one sibling who didn't like it because they didn't get along and they don't feel connected to their sibling. Or a "lonely only" who hated it because they didn't have a sibling at all. Or a five-sibling family who was the baby who never felt paid attention to because her parents were tired and spent by the time she was in school. KWIM? You'll always find proof to back up a hypothesis like this. But you'll also find lots of people who loved the dynamic (ours was really good!) of having three. Our third sibling binds me and my other sibling together. No one was "closer" as kids. We played together, we played separately, we played paired off when someone was grumpy or sick or didn't feel like playing.
I think your steps to make special time with each child will go a long way. And encouraging all the various relationships will as well.
I think how it goes with the kids has largely to do with the parents, too. You can have kids who hate each other because the parents allow the two to fight and be mean to each other. Or you could have kids who do everything together (like my sister's three kids---11, 9, and 5), because their parents encourage them to play fair and be nice to each other, and don't tolerate fighting and put-downs.
There are some great replies here, and I don't have much to add in that respect (Ash said it all!), but I definitely wouldn't spend another moment worrying about this! You're a loving and attentive parent, and that's all you can really do! Your girls are all going to have their own personalities and experiences, and there's not much you can do to change that.