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I'm just curious how you working moms "in the real world" are balancing work, home, and self.
Here in LA, almost every mom I know is a SAHM who also has help - nanny, weekly housekeeper, etc. I have a very hard time relating because my sitch is so different. We live in an affluent area, but I work full-time and my husband is currently unemployed, so he's basically a SAHD (well, both kids are in full-time daycare, but he drops them off and picks them up every day and deals with them until I get home at 6:30-7pm). He's pretty good about keeping things organized, but he doesn't clean at all really and at this point I can't keep arguing with him over it. He also doesn't cook. So basically I am either cooking and cleaning on the weekends or at night after the kids go to sleep and it SUCKS!
I keep trying not to compare our life to those around us, but it's so hard. Being home all day and having help seems like such a dream! So much easier to me than working/commuting 50 hrs a week. Am I just feeling sorry for myself? I mean, how is it for most of you out there right now? Do you work a lot and feel like you're never home and when you are, is your time filled with menial things?
I just feel there is never, ever any downtime for me and there is always cleaning, cooking, laundry, and organizing to be done...but maybe this is life for most people and I'm just living in a bubble here in LA-LA land. I'd like to think I am, actually, and that there are lots of other women feeling this way, too...
I think you have every right to feel frustrated with his lack of effort and overwhelmed by all the extra things you have to do on top of working full time. Not to sound snarky... but what does your husband do all day, if not cook/clean/take care of the kids full time? Is the problem that he was previously employed and doesn't really understand what it takes to keep a house running? For example, my husband is terrible at cleaning because he doesn't really know how, but he'll follow instructions well. So I can ask him to rake/mow the lawn or vacuum or wash dishes/clean the counters, and he'll do those things without complaining or arguments. Giving specific instruction helps a lot, but I know some things will always rely on me (organization, deep cleaning). Would it be possible to streamline the cleaning and organizing efforts so that they happened in just a couple of days instead of feeling like you have to do things every day? Would it be possible to hire a house cleaner to come in once a month to make the in-between cleanings a little less overwhelming?
I don't work, but I am back in school and plan to go back to work in the future. I rely on my husband to help with the baby and housework. I think everyone is different regarding these things. Personally, being a stay at home mom has never been something I wanted, and now that we have a baby, it's definitely not something I could handle. It's hard work! But the truth is that both are hard.
Me and my husband both work full time and Avery goes to daycare during the day Monday thru Friday. I use my weekdays off to clean and do laundry while she's gone and usually just pick her up early to do a little shopping or trip to the park or something to spend time with her. My husband helps out with housework too though. For instance I hate cleaning bathrooms and doing dishes so he typically takes those on and I do the rest. I dont like him doing laundry so that's all me. He'll help with Avery too anytime I ask. I'm curious what your husband does all day too if he's home alone. Was it you who said before their husband said they could see them leaving him in the future and taking the kids? I'm really sorry you aren't getting any help. It sounds pretty overwhelming.
I'm sorry your husband is not helping out around the house like he ought to be. If he is not working, he should definitely be shouldering the bulk of the household responsibilities day-to-day.
I recall one time, before we had kids, where my hubbs got laid off his job, and I was the only one working for a little while. He got into this slump of depression and basically didn't do anything, I was so PO'ed at him during that time (even though I tried to be understanding since I've dealt with depression too). I was like, I work full time, at least you could clean the house while I'm gone! I went on strike with the dishes and they piled to astronomical proportions. It was bad. But it came to an end. I hope you work things out with your husband into a more equitable arrangement.
I work 2 days a wk but I have the baby the rest of the time and Zara after school I do feel like I never have enough time although my SO does help a lot and with me being pregnant I'm even more exhausted sometimes I wonder how I'm going to keep up with 3!