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Sorry it's taken me so long to get around to writing this!
During my pregnancy, I sought care from Rosemary Birthing Home. I am so glad that I had the experience of receiving care from midwives. They answered all my questions, and took extra time to talk with me and make me feel safe and comfortable. My appointments were always at least an hour long! I loved it. I had planned on having a natural water birth. Michael, however, had other plans.
We found out at about 34 weeks that Michael was breech. We tried everything: exercises, acupuncture, chiropractic, swimming, and finally an External Cephalic Version...and the little bugger still wouldn't turn.
So, at 39 weeks, we went to the hospital to have a C-Section.
The hospital we chose was AMAZING! I had the nicest nurses, and my doctor was so sweet and did such an amazing job. I was very nervous about everything, especially getting the catheter put in, but they assured me it wouldn't be put in until after I was numb. At first we just waited, put our hospital gear on, and they inserted my IV. I met the team, and before I knew it they were wheeling me to the operating room. I didn't like that hubby had to wait outside while I was getting the anesthesia...I would have preferred him being there. But it was okay. The spinal shot was extremely painful for me, and I was terrified, so I was crying a lot. When I laid down, a nurse stayed with me and kept drying my tears. Finally DH was allowed in, and held my hand and talked to me. At one point I looked up at the nurse and said "Have they cut me yet?" and she said "Honey, they've BEEN cutting you." At that point I was so relieved to realize that I REALLY couldn't feel anything! so I stopped crying after that. I am kind of glad I cried though, because my nose was too stuffed up to smell the burning smell from the C-Section.
I remember laughing when they told me my son was coming out butt first! And then crying again when he came out and started screaming bloody murder! I was crying tears of joy, though :-) DH got to go over and watch them clean him off, and he cut the cord :-) He was crying too! They pulled back the sheet a little bit so I could see my baby wiggling on the warmer. Then they wrapped him up like a burrito and brought him to me, and I got to hold my baby for the first time. He was so beautiful. We got our first family photo right then :-) And the footprints in the baby book :-)
The rest of my stay in the hospital was great. I was very sore, bleeding a lot, and tired, but I was so happy to have my baby :-) My family came to visit, and learning to breast feed was hard, but worth it. I was very determined to breast feed! They let me go home on Sunday when I had given birth on Friday, and the first thing we did was go to Chilis! lol and then Wal-Mart to get my percoset and my birth control. Poor kid went to walmart before he went home!
When I got home, for the first few days I cried tears of joy whenever I looked at him. I was so blissfully happy. But at his one-week date, all of a sudden, I was crying all the time, inconsolable. Breast feeding was not going well, he was not getting enough to eat, and he was not sleeping. So we weren't sleeping. Cloth diapering sucked, and I was feeling depressed because nothing was going the way I thought it would.
My midwives actually, without meaning to, made this much harder for me. I went to talk to a doctor about getting back on Prozac to balance myself out (I had been on it before I was pregnant) but they and the midwives told me I couldn't breast feed. I was not liking breast feeding much, but I felt I had to keep doing it due to pressure from friends and the midwives. Any time I talked about formula the midwives had a lecture. The pediatrician told me I could still breast feed on the low dosage I was taking, so I was happy for a moment, until he kept me up all that night wanting to feed constantly and never getting enough. Finally my DH and I decided to forget about everyone else's opinions and do what was right for us.
So we stopped cloth diapering, and switched to regular diapers. We stopped breast feeding, and switched to formula with Playtex VentAire bottles. We are now happy, well-fed, and getting enough sleep at night, and we couldn't be happier. And now that I am no longer covered by Medicaid and can't afford any post-partum appointments, I hear nothing from the Midwives who "cared so much about me and my well-being." Next time we will be getting all our care from an OB associated with the hospital we were so impressed with.
I love my baby boy, and i'm still a nervous new mommy, afraid to be alone with him, lol. But DH is the best hubby/daddy ever, helps me SO much, and I am so in love with my family :-)
you are an amazing mom! it takes a LOT to admit you need help and to make the decision to formula feed! I know how hard it is to give that first bottle... your a GREAT mommy! dont let anyone make you feel less then great about your mommy instincts!