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i don't even know how to write this. its too sad to make it a reality.
this is a big deal to me...and i will get to THAT in a bit.
avelina (avi) is now going on 11 months! in a week. yay! and we are pretty much still exclusively breastfeeding. i am trying to give her food now, but she STILL would rather drink the boob. it bothers me NONE.
except, that she's very clingy to me. and me only. when i go to work, for the entire time i am away, she'll cry. i even hide and pretend to be gone, and she'll cry, and once she sees me...she turns purple until i hold her (she'll stop breathing!)
i've never had to deal with that. caliah was more independent from me, but she was still and still is, very clingy. but she's more of a daddy girl now...so hugo can tolerate that...plus, he likes that someone depends on him.
ok. well, caliah didn't want boob once she was 11 months...i tried it all. and well, she said NO...that was 6 years ago. i was devastated, but she wanted the bottle...so i still pumped for her.
well, now. hugo told me today that he would prefer it if i stopped bf'ing avi the day she turns a year. i dunno if he meant cold turkey take the boob away...or what. but he feels that it is very unhealthy for avi to be THAT clingy and attached to me...to the point where she stops breathing the second i come back from wherever i was. so i told him, maybe that's just her. i believe that even if i didn't give her the boob, she would still want ME. my logic, cali got breastfed as well...but she wasn't like avi...and my back up to that logic...because they are different.
and even when i was on bedrest while pregnant with avi, i could feel our bonding...our closeness. i've had this "feeling" since she was in utero. and even after she was born...as a teeny tiny newborn...i felt that closeness...like no one could ever invade what me and avi had...and i feel it is because of all the stuff i dealt while i was pregnant with her, and being confined to my bed with her in me...i dunno. maybe i am really out there, but i really believe that! and he doesn't want to hear it.
he told me that i need to stop bf'ing at a year old, because she already got the best nutrients, and it is now time for her to grow up! ***?! she's a YEAR OLD! not a 20 year old!!
it broke my heart.
i mean, ultimately. it's up to me, correct? it's not like he's going to cut out my breasts and dispose of them to make me stop...
but having that mentality from him makes me so sad. and, he admitted that he is jealous that avi can play with my breast, and not him...
while we were talking, i was feeding her, and when she was done, she started going AH AH AH AH AH AH on my boob...like what kids do with their hand and pat it on their mouth...well, she loves doing that, and i love that she does it. its the cutest thing!! but, he was just staring at her, (not in a bad way) and i teased saying he was jealous, and he said he was.
i'm just so heartbroken...
and the reason why this is a big deal, is because she's my last baby! and she still wants me that way...and caliah didn't. and i love bf'ing and i won't ever do it again. so what are a few more months? whereas he'll get THEM once she'd done? my boobs still look fantastic, they're a wonderful size...and my bf'ing hasn't given them any stress...i'm proud of them...and i can't wait till i can use them for that pleasure of pleasing my man...but right now...my mind is on avi...and i am NOT ready to give that up! i've a lifetime of cuddling with hugo...and only months left of feeding avi.
why must he be selfish, and impatient? he's had them for 10 years!! and will again for my life!!
ok...sorry for being over dramatic. but i've no one to turn to, but you girls.
aw Gracie, I can totally see why this must be upsetting to you I barely breastfed so can't really relate on a *personal* level to everything you said - but as a Mama, I can see why it is so important to you to have that closeness to your daughter & to make the most of this special experience between a Mum & her baby.
Hugo just needs to get over himself. I guess as a guy he doesn't 'get' how special breastfeeding is, but I doubt that Avi's clinginess is due to you breastfeeding, and as you said - she'd probably be clingy without it too!!!!
If it were me *I* would ignore what Hugo said - about stopping when she's 1, and continue as long as you feel is right!!!!!!!
You're not being dramatic at all, Gracie - it breaks my heart for you, just thinking about it. It IS terribly selfish and immature of him. And oh my gosh, if he thinks Avi is clingy NOW, when she HAS the breast for that comfort - just how does he think it's going to be BETTER if you suddenly take that away from her?! I'm no expert, but I really, truly, from the bottom of my heart do NOT think that would be best for your baby. Breastmilk doesn't suddenly lose nutritional value at a year, and you know the comfort value...and what an awesome tool it can be when the little one is hurting. If she still wants to nurse, and you still want to nurse her, then he just HAS to see reason and get past this. Like you said, he has you for the rest of his life, but Avi isn't going to nurse for much longer. Even if it's another year plus, it's still not LONG in the grand scheme of things.
Hang in there, hon - like you said, he can't MAKE you stop. Will he listen to the FACTS about extended nursing if you offer them to him? I'll be glad to find all the info you need in your arsenal, if you think he'll listen...
he'll listen...in an email! i already tried reading some of the ones they have on the bf'ing +1 year board...he wouldn't hear it, cuz he knows he's wrong...and that upsets me! he just dismisses me...he hates when i have a valuable point, and he doesn't. he doesn't like looking like less than me? i dunno...he's the bread winner of the house...what he says 'goes'...
but i am still on jm...i am STILL bf'ing...i am just gonna ignore him...i know it isn't healthy to let all his comments build up on my head, but that's why i got you guys?
darn men, and their ignorance!
thank you emma, and kristin.
I didn't breastfed Eva but if my DH EVER said anything like that, I would ignore it and continue to breatfed. It is only for her benefit. He can have them late when she is weaned.....until....those breasts are Avi's. LOL At some point she will have to wean...perhaps now she is not ready to.
A special thank you to Amber for the awesome siggy!! You ROCK!!
Hugs Gracie..I kinda know in a way..I haven't been doing it as long as you but i know that when i first started by dh kept saying "when are you gonna stop" and when i said that i was gonna keep going he started questioning me why?? Just give her the bottle..blah blah blah..He still makes little hints here and there..But i guess since he sees how serious i am this time he is just getting used to it and he seems to be getting okay with it..Even if he did start up again it is my body and my choice how i will feed my baby...So i hope that you stick with what you feel is the best..I already feel a special bond with her but i hope it continues to grow and grow..I don't know that i want her to turn purple when she sees me though..LOL!! Hugs Gracie you are an awesome mom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think you should ignore Hugo too. It's your body, it's your milk, and... it's your baby. My feeling anyway. You do what's best and make him deal with it. The rest will come. She won't be a clingy baby forever. Remind him of that too.
I agree, if you still want to breastfeed and she does too, then don't stop. Like you said, he can't stop you, and just becaue he's the breadwinner doesn't mean b/c he thinks you should stop you should. You are saving money by not havnig to buy formula!! Plus, its your body, regardless of his status in the house, IMO.
Thank you cavewoman for my amazing siggie!!
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I can't say anything that hasn't been said already. Just tell him that when he starts lactating then he can have a say in your breastfeeding relationship. Otherwise keep his big mouth shut! You are an awesome Mom Gracie, try not to let him get you down! HUGS!!