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Back in mid to late September, my bf lost his job. We pay almost $900/mth on rent for 2 bed/2 bath apartment. On top of that bills and I (due to nasty divorce and an a*hole ex husband) have to pay child support every month. Well my bf says he's on monster, career builder and craigslist every day looking for jobs. His mom says it's true because he uses her accounts to put in online apps. Well I work Monday through Friday 10-7 and come home cook dinner and get in pajamas and I'm lucky if I get to watch anything on TV before going to bed. Why is it I have to come home to cook after 8hr shifts 40hrs a week? Why is it I have to.clean the apartment and wash the dishes? Now to add to all this, I was the nice family member and allowed my older sister to move in as long as she found a job and helped out. She's been married 3 mths and her husband is seeing his ex who is 20 yrs younger and he invited her to move in and kicked my sister to the guest room of the house. So I have to get the apartment cleaned and the room all set up while doing everything else. Today I came home at lunch, threw laundry in wash asked bf to throw in dryer when done. 5 he's later I'm home and they're still in wash. What the heck? Ugh....I'm to my breaking point. If he's this way with cleaning the apartment then it makes me wonder f he's gonna be the same with the baby.
I am so sorry to hear about all of that. I hope that he comes around.. I don't really have any good advice, I wish I did. But I am always more than happy to listen when needed. I hope he cleans up his act and starts helping more.
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I've been married 13yrs, and my dh still does the same thing. I've learned to complain though. I used to not say anything, then carry resentment around. Now I tell him that I'm exhausted and I need help.
I know what it's like to be looking for a job too. Has he tried contacting contract companies? That's where my dh finally found something, and it is better than the job he had before.
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Ugh, I am so sorry he is acting like that. I think I would definitely have a talk about who does what. I would not want to be the one who had to come home and clean after working all day if my dh was just home. Mine gets home about an hour before me after picking up our daughter and he cleans and starts dinner. Definitely let him know how frustrated you are!!
I'm sure that's very frustrating. You definitely can not going through your pregnancy doing EVERYTHING. it sounds like you are doing too much as it is right now. RELAX Hun! I hate to say it but boys are boys, they just don't get it, they aren't mind readers (wouldn't that be awesome though!). A few months ago I was feeling overwhelmed a little with the copious amounts of laundry my new family generated. I kept in my feelings and then one day I snapped. My hubby had no idea how I felt when I thought he did. (At that time, I thought he was a mind reader). He told me he was happy to help with laundry and anything else, just to leave him "honey-do" lists. And by golly, those lists work! I'm sorry you are going through this right now when it should be YOU coming home and propping your feet up!
I don't know where you live or how the job market is, but not trying hard enough to get a job and also not taking care of the home while your working to support him, would be absolutely unacceptable to me. I think you should tell him under no uncertain terms that getting a job should be his top priority and that in the interim he should be keeping the house spotless. I know some men arent necessarily great at cleaning, but doesn't sound like he's putting in any effort at all, and to me that would just feel disrespectful. Hope you guys can sort it all out soon
Mom to my wildchild Kalyna (Dec 2008)
That's awful! When the mister and I moved in together after dd was born it was kind of like that. I was with her all day and as soon as he got home I would leave and go to school until nearly midnight and in the time I was at school every evening he would somehow manage to destroy the house. It was frustrating and I went around with a lot of resentment towards him, almost left because of his inconsideration.
You should talk with him. He's not working. He's not helping. Bottom line, it isn't right. You're carrying his kiddo and working, he needs to help out. Even if he were working, he should still help.
I know that I have a bad temper and any "talks" always turn into a full blown war so I wrote a letter with all my grievances and included things that he *could* do to make everyone's life easier. It's not perfect, psh, what is? But, at least he's making the effort now!
I hope it gets better!
Each time this happens, I talk to him. He says he'll help. The only time he seems to help is when I'm down right yelling at him to help or I insult him and tell him I'm not his mother (he lived on his own with roommates for about 2 yrs but moved back with mom until February this year)....he just turned 29. I've gone on "strike" of not cooking or cleaning hoping he'll eventually do it himself but nope, he'll strike with me. He says he won't eat unless I eat and he doesn't seem to want to clean.
He's only been out of a job a month and I know how looking for a job here is (in Dallas TX area) but you don't have to spend "all day" (so he says) on the compute or phone staring at job sites. He also watches movies, plays video games and plays games on his phone.
I really feel for you
DH was the same way when I was pregnant with DD and afterwards, other than going to work he really didn't help with her or the house. He lost that battle though and I kicked him out. Took a good year of soul searching for him to grow up and take care of his responsibilities. Not saying you should kick your husband out by the way! haha I'm just a no nonsense kind of person and I hate feeling slighted or disrespected. I hope one of these times one of your talks will get through to him. But your right your not his mom and you shouldnt have to treat him like a child to have him help you out. What about lists? If i don't make lists DH doesn't know where to start so I just make a list of 5 things he needs to do every night when he gets home. Sounds silly but it works for us
Mom to my wildchild Kalyna (Dec 2008)
I agree with all the other ladies, and I was going to suggest going on strike, but you've tried that. Have you tried it with everything? Stop doing his laundry, doing his dishes, cleaning up after him. Not just cooking, but everything. I know men can be slobs, but eventually he'll run out of clothes or a place to sit and be pretty upset.