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First Pregnancy Meltdown


Forum: June 2013 Playroom

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  #1  
November 2nd, 2012, 11:43 AM
Joanne Nicole's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Mississauga, Ontario
Posts: 1,037
I joined this site specifically because I'm having a really rough day and I just need to vent to people who will understand what I'm going through. My husband is having a really busy day at work and I'm having a complete meltdown.

At the beginning of summer we moved from Arizona to Ontario and we're living with my parents. Huge changes all around, new country, new people, living at home again (UGH). We've got no space, my daughter's room is tiny and she's required to keep all her toys in her room and play in her room and stay quite so as not to disturb my Dad who is retired, home ALL the time, and not all that crazy about kids. In the midst of all this I found out I was pregnant.

At the best of times, our current living situation is difficult. I'm a stay at home mom, and we're going to be living here for a few years so that we can save up for a house. My dad is a control freak. He does all the shopping and cooking (although he generously lets me do the housecleaning for him)...while it sounds like a bit of a vacation, not having to shop or cook, it's really not that great. I don't get any choice in the meals that we eat or the food that he buys, and especially now that I'm pregnant and ALWAYS sick, everything he makes is disgusting to me. Even though we pay them $500/month to pitch in for food for the three of us, he gives me a hard time anytime I request something specific from the store. It's basically his way or the highway. So we're spending an extra $100 or so each month for the specific things that we want or need, because it's easier to just get it myself than it is to ask him for anything.

Part of the food situation that drove me nuts even before I got pregnant was that they prepare the same meals for every night of the week. Monday = spaghetti, Tuesday = fish and stir fry, Wednesday = grilled chicken and broccoli, etc. etc. All served with the exact same salad, every night, every week, for all eternity. I've only eaten dinner once this week because I literally cannot stomach the thought of eating those same meals even one more time. I'm hungry and I'm nauseous and I can't say anything about it because my dad will get offended and he's so particular, and they're being really generous letting us live with them. We can't afford to eat out because we're trying to save money and I'm already spending more than I should on extra food.

This morning I really had a craving for something sour...ok, I know I've got a jar of lemon curd in the fridge - a special treat for me. I love lemon curd. It's kind of expensive, but you only need a tiny bit on toast, and it lasts forever. He threw it out because there was "only" 1/3 of the jar left and it had been in the fridge for a while and he needed the space. Same with my pesto that I wanted to use on pasta for lunch. Same with my small container of fresh pineapple that I'd sliced up a few days before. Same with my container of greek yogurt that had a few spoonfulls left. Same with the container of cream cheese icing that I made a few days ago that I was going to use to ice a cake. And the same with the delicious homemade chicken stock that I made last we had roasted chicken and put in the freezer. He threw out ALL of MY stuff that I bought with our money! They were all still good, and there was more than enough left in each container to warrant keeping, but because he was doing the grocery shopping (every Friday at 10 am on the dot) today, he needed the space so he just threw it all out without saying anything to me! And what did he need all that space for? The fridge is filled up with 2 full boxes of the pop that he likes to mix with vodka 10 times a day.

I'm so upset over this and I cannot eat any of the stuff they buy, I just can't! I'm so nauseous and I know I'm getting overly emotional about this, but I can't seem to help it. My husband just keeps telling me that it was MY idea to move here (it was, but he obviously agreed to it!) and that we just have to suck it up and deal with my difficult dad.

Anyways. Sorry, huge venting session. I'm just having a really really rough day.
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  #2  
November 2nd, 2012, 11:56 AM
CartersMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 2,931
Oh my it sounds like a very tough situation. I am very sorry. I would love to offer some advice but I don't have much. I just know that if I had to live in a studio to avoid that kind of situation I would I just would not be able to handle it.
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  #3  
November 2nd, 2012, 12:07 PM
softbreeze's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: I live in Saskatchewan Canada
Posts: 911
oh my goodness, that sounds like a very very hard situation to be in hun. Is there any type of small apartment that you guys could rent to just get by till you save up enough?? I know it would be hard, maybe a one bedroom basement apartment or a studio apartment?? Im sorry that you are going through such a difficult time especially while pregnant, but if this is the only option for your family right now, maybe sitting down with youdad and having a talk might help?? I wish you all the best, but yes you are right, we are all pretty good at being understanding here, so feel free to vent away!!
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  #4  
November 2nd, 2012, 12:45 PM
Kalynas_Mom's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 830
Not sure where in Ontario, but it sounds like you could possibly afford a small place of your own. You certainly won't be saving as much money, but this doesn't sound like an optimal living situation long term. Plenty of people are unable to buy houses nowadays and are opting to rent for longer periods of time. Having help and your parents around is great but a family of four being cramped with parents doesn't sound like it's going to be very livable. Good luck. Hope you guys figure out a solution to your living situation
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  #5  
November 2nd, 2012, 01:55 PM
bobbiejo1982's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 750
I'm with them. I would def. try to find something little and cheap on your own. Sorry You have to deal with this but probably not a lot you can do living under his roof unfourtanetly.
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  #6  
November 2nd, 2012, 02:06 PM
mommyandwife08's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,682
I agree with what everyone else has said. that doesn't sound like a pregnancy meltdown that just sounds like an absolutely terrible situation. I wouldn't be able to handle that even on my best days. If you cannot find anything (even a small apartment like what was suggested) then I really don't know what to say. I hope it gets better for you!
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  #7  
November 2nd, 2012, 05:38 PM
MrsLat's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 4,134
You seem COMPLETELY justified in your rant. I hope you can find a way to move to even a studio apartment. Me and my hubby are barely able to save.. and home ownership is probably 10 years away for us, it sucks but there is NO WAY we can live with family--there is something to be said for your sanity and you really can't put a price on it.. we had to make the difficult decision to not have hardly any savings and it is scary but we just didn't have the choice
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  #8  
November 2nd, 2012, 05:39 PM
lil_fishy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 1,160
Have you connsidered getting a mini fridge for your room? It won't help with freezer things, but it will help with things you want to keep that would otherwise be tossed.

And I agree with the other ladies. This isn't a pregnancy melt down. This is legitimate melt down for any time.
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  #9  
November 2nd, 2012, 09:20 PM
MamaSkunk's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Minneapolis
Posts: 3,064
Ahh i feel you. My dad helped us get our house and even though he doesnt live with us he will stop by anytime and just walk in. Ive been getting out of the shower n had my dad walk into my house as im walking toward my bedroom. Argh! Mine also trys to control not only me but DH...down to telling me what to do with our money...which of our two cars we should use...how I should clean...its irritating. Get out! Find a cheap place and get out now. Hugs and welcome to the board!
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  #10  
November 2nd, 2012, 10:11 PM
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Arizona
Posts: 22
Arizona girl here.....
My heart goes out to you and your family. I also agree with the other ladies. If you are to stay definitely have a talk with your dad. To avoid hurting your dad's feelings, maybe you put the focus on your pregnancy In regards to the food and meal choices. You could also volunteer to go to the grocery store with him. I think a mini fridge and a microwave could be great idea for your room!
But, if all else fails...Moving may be a great alternative. Because, a peace of mind is priceless!
Try looking around and comparing prices. You may even find a private owner that may be willing to make a deal with you guys...you never know! You could be helping someone just as much as they're helping you. Just see what your options are...I think you may be happier.

Cheri
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  #11  
November 3rd, 2012, 06:43 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,786
I would try talking to your dad and telling him how the pregnancy is affecting what you can eat. I've been crazy about food lately too. It's horrible when you can't have what you want when your stomach is so sensitive. If he can't understand your needs then I would probably start looking for a new place to live. In the end it's not worth the headache.
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  #12  
November 3rd, 2012, 06:57 AM
enchantingdragon's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 6,309
Oh my Im so sorry. I like everyone's suggestion of maybe trying to move out into something small. It will help keep your sanity and your relationship with your family. Honestly this kind of stress wont help your pregnancy in the long run either and it sounds like you guys really need the space more than the money even at this point. Good luck!
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