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Am I going crazy? I am so paranoid and scared of miscarrying my baby that I can't even get excited about my pregnancy. First my progesterone levels were low, then all the drama that started at my job (apparently my pregnancy is offensive to my higher ups) and now I'm going back to work on the ambulance after trying light duty (nope can't do it) and everyone keeps saying "be careful!" "do you know what you're doing?" "do you understand the risk you're taking?" "why don't you just stay home until after the baby (apparently it's 1952 AND we won the lottery and no one told us) I find myself afraid to move, afraid to cough, to sneeze to even breath too hard. I woke up in the middle of the night (to pee...again) and realized I was laying on my stomach and thought "oh my god I killed my baby." am I the only one going through this craziness? I can't find any peace of mind. All I feel is fear. I've had a couple of miscarriages in the past, my daughter who is now five was very premature, this baby is our miracle after being told IVF was our only option, after failed fertility drugs, we just conceived out of nowhere with no drugs, no charting, nothing. It was just a surprise. A gift I guess. My whole family, especially my parents, are so excited about this baby. My beautiful little sister was murdered this summer and it nearly killed all of us. We all so desperately need some happiness again. I think maybe I'm just waiting for God to take my baby like he took my sister, I don't know. Anyone having these fears? When are we safe from worrying about it so much?
I'm so sorry to hear about your sister!! That is terrible. ;(
I think we all have some fear. It look me until 8 weeks to let myself feel excited. I had spotting/bleeding for two weeks and it scared me to death. But, after hearing that sweet heartbeat, I can't help, but to be excited. I've decided that it's all in God's hands, and I have to trust that he will take care of baby. I'll pray for your baby and that you will have some peace.
Big hugs to you. What you feel is very normal. Try to relax and enjoy your pregnancy. I know it is hard. There is a board that I love for paranoid posts -pregnant and motherhood after a loss. Awesome ladies! When are you due? Have you had a soon or the heartbeat yet? Once there is a heartbeat, you chance of miscarriage drops to 3%.
I am very sorry to hear about your sister. Maybe this baby is her gift to you.
I think when your life has been touched by random, unforeseeable tragedy, like the awful loss of your sister, you are shaken for quite awhile. It takes you out of the "it won't happen to me" bubble that so many blissfully live inside without realizing it. You can't believe anything good and wonderful can happen to you anymore. But IT CAN-- you and your family DO deserve this-- whatever happens.
Don't be afraid to feel hopeful. It is normal to want to guard your heart, but just take each day at a time. Today, you are miraculously pregnant, and that is awesome. Try not to think about tomorrow and what-if.
I am hoping for a great outcome for you and for you to be able to relax and enjoy your pregnancy! Lots of hugs!!!
shen7 said it beautifully. Sounds like you have had plenty of mountains to climb, and it only makes sense that you would be cautious and nervous now. Talk to your doctor about that. S/he will probably help you look at the different risks in your pregnancy and point out all the reasons to celebrate this baby!
Lots of thoughts and prayers your way... and keep up updated!
Melissa, Mom to DS Zeke (10/12/2001) and DD Paxton (05/29/2003)
Y'all are wonderful, thank you for your kind thoughts and prayers. I'm due June 22, 2012 with what is no doubt my sisters gift. We did get to hear the heartbeat at my appointment a week ago today. I didn't know that about the 3% and that really does help put my mind at ease. I think I just felt that I would never have a reason for true happiness again. It scares me to let me guard down. Thanks for yalls support, it does help
I'm visiting from the May 2012 DDC, and I feel the same way some times. I had 2 m/c this year, so I started out SCARED TO DEATH. I'll go through short bouts of confidence, then I'll start spotting again, and I will get scared again. I've had 5 ultrasounds, and there is a heartbeat and moving little baby every time. I can feel the baby moving, but something still terrifies me. I feel like I will have this baby in May, but I don't think I'll be free from worry until I give birth. I'm hoping my anatomy scan in December brings me comfort. I hope you find comfort and happiness as well.
Im due the same day as you! I know it must be hard I couldnt imagine what youre going thru! Like the others have said try to enjoy your pregnancy! I had a m/c before my youngest dd, so when I had gotten pg with her I was nervous as well, its normal to feel anxiety about it. So sorry to hear about your sister. Hugs to you!
I'm also paranoid. I thought I'd feel better after my first u/s & I did for a little bit, but now I'm waiting around for the next one, hoping its good too. (I get u/s at every appointment.) I'm hoping the feel is normal, especially for someone who has been through a loss. But I also hope at some point I can stop worrying and celebrate my pregnancy. But I'm a worrier. I'll never stop worrying about my children.