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Married to a Navy man...who is going overseas!


Forum: June 2013 Playroom

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  • 1 Post By Rissa6213
  • 1 Post By wanttobeinvienna
  • 1 Post By dmreed32
  • 2 Post By Mrs. D
  • 1 Post By navywifey2003

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  #1  
November 19th, 2012, 07:34 AM
First time mommy :)
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 231
My husband and I have been married for 2 years, and he is the most wonderful man I will ever know and I love him more than the world. We just left our first duty station that was in Patuxent River, Maryland, and came back home to the Chicago area. I have moved back in with my parents. He is home with me for another three weeks, then he is going overseas to Bahrain for a year, possibly a year and a half. That means I will be going through this entire pregnancy without him from 15 weeks on :-( I will have a ton of help from my family and his family, but I will have a nagging sadness the entire time. By the time he gets home, our child will be 6 months, or 1 yo! He's very sad that when he gets back our child will take one look at him, cry, and reach for me. He won't be able to feel it kick or move, or hold his newborn baby. Or his biggest disappointment, make fun of me when I'm about 30lbs heavier and I'm waddling around clutching my aching back lol. They will give him free "baby leave" where he can come home for 2 weeks after the birth, but the catch is he has to pay for his own ticket! We may not have an extra 2000$ to spare

Also to top off my sadness, I just had a major falling out with my best friend of nearly 10 years. I simply told her that I was ready to "grow up" and have a family and get a better education and make something of my life, and that she was not. (She is 27 and still thinks life is about drinking, drugs, and bad decisions) And I can't have someone like that in my life right now. So, I'm stressed a little and sad. I wish my wonderful husband didn't have to leave us, but that is what the military does every day to families. I know a handful of you ladies are probably also Military wives and have gone through what I am going through, so any words of encouragement or tips on how to deal with the temporary loss of your other half is appreciated Thanks for reading
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  #2  
November 19th, 2012, 08:15 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Virginia Beach, VA
Posts: 1,708
Popping in from May DDC. First of all, I'm sending lots of big hugs your way!!

Secondly, as you know, deployments and separations are never easy (DH is in the Navy as well), but it's part of our military life. I'm sorry this is such bad timing - it just really sucks. I know it's hard to look on the bright side of things, but try, or you'll drive yourself crazy! You CAN do this, and it will be amazing for DH to meet your little one for the first time! I hope y'all are able to swing the plane ticket. I'd recommend visiting Military Significant Others and Spouse Support - MilitarySOS.com - MilitarySOS. When I was having a hard time when DH was a way for training, those ladies really helped me.

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. It sounds like you are doing the right thing, and she just hasn't grown up yet...but that does not make it easier.

Enjoy your hubby for the next three weeks, then stay busy! I'm here for you, fellow Navy wifey! Feel free to PM me at any time.
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  #3  
November 19th, 2012, 08:17 AM
First time mommy :)
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 231
Thank you! And I will definitely get on that site
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  #4  
November 19th, 2012, 08:46 AM
navywifey2003's Avatar Home Birth Mama
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Clovis, CA
Posts: 37,344
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Hi! I am also a navy wife and my husband was deployed for the birth of our first 2 children. I know how hard it is but you can do this. Feel free to pm me of you need to talk.
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  #5  
November 19th, 2012, 09:48 AM
wanttobeinvienna's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 317
I have no advice to offer just a lot of hugs... I can't imagine!
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  #6  
November 19th, 2012, 10:27 AM
dmreed32's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 435
I also have no advice but I am sorry you are going thru it and I appreciate your husband for what he does and you and the rest of his family for what you endure so he can do what he does. That goes for you other military families as well!
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  #7  
November 19th, 2012, 02:31 PM
mommy220's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 1,191
I am so so so sorry. I cannot even imagine going through that. I thank you and your husband for your sacrifice. I have no advice but just try to stay busy and positive and just remember that in the grand scheme of your whole marriage it is a short time.
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  #8  
November 19th, 2012, 02:43 PM
MamaSkunk's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Minneapolis
Posts: 3,064
My DH was also a navy man for a long while and was deployed during his first two childrens birth. And he has told me it was the worst thing to come home and not have his sons know him. Hes making up for it with our DD and this baby....he didnt stay with his 1st wife so it wasnt me going thru it but navywifey is the best and she knows exactly how your feeling. Hugs!
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  #9  
November 19th, 2012, 02:49 PM
Mrs. D's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 626
I'm also a Navy wife. And, though I haven't gone through exactly what you're dealing with, we have been through two deployments when DH was working with the Marines. Our son has been without his daddy for nearly half his three years of life.

I can offer you a little advice to help you get through it, and to help your baby recognize daddy when he gets home.

There is a program called United Through Reading that really helps. Basically, your husband can go read books (or just say whatever he wants) to a video recorder and they'll burn it to a DVD and send it home to you. Then you can play the stories whenever you want. Your baby won't be old enough to understand the stories yet, but seeing daddy's face and hearing his voice will help him/her recognize daddy when he comes home.

You could also look into Space A (MAC) flights to go visit him after the baby is born. I know it's a little complicated, but it would be an inexpensive way to let him see the baby and have some much needed time together.

Anyway, I know it sucks. And none of this is really a substitute for having your husband home with you. But it will be over eventually and you'll be happily together again and arguing about whose turn it is to change a poopy diaper.
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  #10  
November 19th, 2012, 02:58 PM
navywifey2003's Avatar Home Birth Mama
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Location: Clovis, CA
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My husband recorded a united through reading book for our first son! During our 2nd deployment he watched it everyday.
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  #11  
November 19th, 2012, 03:49 PM
First time mommy :)
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 231
That is great! I am definitely going to do that. Thank you ladies you're all so helpful
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  #12  
November 19th, 2012, 05:09 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Iowa
Posts: 1,511
Your post brought tears to my eyes(**** hormones lol) bc I know how hard deployment separation can be. I am Army wife my husband got back from Iraq last Thanksgiving. I know it's not exactly the same because difference in branch so our Navy mamas will be your go to ladies. But I can give you a few things making sure your new baby hears your DH voice & sees pics/videos is key. My husband recorded a few if the recordable books like Elmo and a bear book. I don't know if you will have Skype but if so it was my lifesaver. Think positive stay as busy as you can and if possible get to know a few of the other spouses and get together. The good thing is that your baby will not remember your DH being gone. I will keep you in thoughts and pm me anytime!
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  #13  
November 19th, 2012, 11:08 PM
Summerdays12's Avatar Erin&Aaron's1st!
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: California
Posts: 2,418
Hello..popping in from the October 2012 Playroom! I am a Navy Wife. My husband was deployed for most of my pregnancy. He did make home for the birth of our son and I am so very thankful for that. He was away for 6 months got back almost a month ago and will be out again here soon for another 6 months. He will return when our son is about 8 months old. He is deployed 6 months out of the year every year. I understand how you feel and I know you are sad, scared, angry, frustrated, and heartbroken. You will make it through this long deployment ..you are stronger than you think I truly hope he is able to make it back for those two weeks. PM me anytime!! One more thing..I tried to keep my hubby part of the pregnancy by filming when the baby would kick and roll around. My husband's favorite videos were of when the baby would get the hiccups. I also sent photos every week so he could see the belly grow. He was very thankful and happy that he was able to see the baby grow even if it was through photos and video. Also, I would do elective ultrasounds and some places have live online video streaming of the ultrasound. He would watch live as I was getting the ultrasounds. Your hubby will not be totally left out of your pregnancy. My hubby will be deployed here soon so that will be a new experience for me...having a baby with my hubby not home. I am sure I'll get through it just fine just as you will too. All deployments come to an end...hang in there!!!
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