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Forum: June 2013 Playroom

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  #1  
November 25th, 2012, 02:06 PM
wanttobeinvienna's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 317
Well, I am turning to you guys in this very trying (to say the least) time. I am sorry for the downer post.

So, if you haven't been following my saga- a quick recap. I am a divorced mom of 2, dating a separated dad of one. I am 36 and he is 43. We had a blissful, perfect relationship, when on Sept 21, my father, who I am very close to, passed away from a very brief battle with lymphoma, and then 6 days later (the day before his funeral), I found out I was pregnant. The tension and strain it put on my relationship was overwhelming, as he wanted to terminate the pregnancy, and I just couldn't (I am 100% pro choice, but just knew I couldn't go through an abortion on top of all the loss already felt in the previous 18 months). We have been in therapy, working through this pregnancy, trying to remember that we are rooted in love, and that we are committed to working through this. Now, we have had some hiccups, most recently a few weeks ago, when I left him because of his inability to get behind this pregnancy... But with therapy, and a bunch of hard work, and honesty about we fears, we worked through that, and have been rebuilding our relationship. His primary fear was that his mom was going to disown him. And though she seems to me to be unbelievably judgmental, he loves his mom and that's all that matters. We even came up with names over the weekend, and had a beautiful 1st trimester screening ultrasound on Tuesday.

So, today he told his mom that we were pregnant. And it went terrible, and exactly how he expected. She flipped out, told him he was irresponsible and terrible role figure to his son, and the kicker, that has crushed me to the core- that she would pay for an abortion.

My heart is breaking on so many levels. I hurt for him that a person he trusts and loves and admires has hurt him so bad. It floors me that a mom can be so cruel.
It has me infuriated that she said she would pay for the abortion, and makes me want to scream. First and foremost, I am a mom, and I love this child, and someone saying they will pay to abort it has made me so mad.
And finally, it throughly ticks me off that she uses his son as (in my mind) a piece in this game. She will continue to be a part of his life, and of course, thinks that by David and I having this baby we are just going to destroy his son's life. It's heartbreaking to me to think that my baby is going to watch his/her's big brother loved and accepted by his grandparents, when they will never be accepted.

And, unfortunately, this is not one of those times where time where heal the wounds, or seeing the baby will make a difference. Unfortunately, this is the way she is, and nothing about it is going to change.

This is just the first of many bridges of people who are going to openly disapprove of this baby that we are crossing, and it has left him, and me, just absolutely crushed. We still have my mom, his ex-wife who is openly judgmental and opinionated, and my ex-husband, who can be viciously judgmental and our 3 kids to tell. I just can't stop crying to think that this baby, who I love so much, is already being so isolated, being treated as the "*******" child. I understand it wasn't the best timing. I understand that more than anyone knows. But, it's a child. And at some point I hope that I will be able to be openly excited about this pregnancy- because the world around me sure is making this difficult.
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  #2  
November 25th, 2012, 02:15 PM
Mom2LillieAidan's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Alabama
Posts: 2,673
Oh Melissa, my heart breaks for you. I am so sorry that the people around you are so hateful and cruel. I have no advice (not that you're looking for it), but I offer you my support and understanding. If you ever need to talk, feel free to PM me. I am always here to listen.
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  #3  
November 25th, 2012, 02:20 PM
enchantingdragon's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Posts: 6,309
I am so sorry that you and your child have to go through this. It is heartbreaking that family can be so cruel and never think how their words can affect others. Im so sorry.
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  #4  
November 25th, 2012, 02:23 PM
rcjh12's Avatar Nicole
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Kansas
Posts: 1,008
I just want to add some ... I've had my fair share of family/in-law drama (one reason why I'm uncomfortable posting anything too identifying on here =\) and it all around just sucks.
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  #5  
November 25th, 2012, 02:28 PM
TeresaV's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2012
Location: NY State
Posts: 1,693
I feel awful that you are going through this. I think everyone deserves, at the very least, respect. Clearly she is not respectful of you, your decisions, or even of your SO. Maybe she doesn't have to agree with your (or his) actions, but the least she can do is not be a complete a-hole about it. I am so sorry. I just hope that this doesn't come between the relationship that you and your SO are trying so hard to mend.
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  #6  
November 25th, 2012, 02:54 PM
Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Cincinnati, OH
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Ugh, that's terrible. I wouldn't even bother telling the rest of the opinionated and negative people. Let them find out through the grapevine. Telling them face to face is just giving them an opportunity to tell you what they think about it. Tell your kids when you think the time is right but the other exes and ex-families don't need to know from you. And avoid the witch at all costs.

And stay strong in your choice. Your partner will have time to overcome his uncomfortable feelings about his family's reaction. An abortion is for life.
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  #7  
November 25th, 2012, 03:06 PM
D&K's_mama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Ky
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So sorry you are having to go through this! Its just so unfair! I could not imagine how you're feeling. It is very sad that people do not take into consideration others feelings ... as a mother I cant see how she can be so down on her son as long as mu son were happy id be behind him ..hold your head because at the end of this you'll be the one holding your sweet blessing and they will.be the ones missing out! Hugs to you
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  #8  
November 25th, 2012, 03:23 PM
MrsLat's Avatar Sept 2014 DDC Co-host
Join Date: Oct 2012
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I am so unbelievabley sorry for the cruel words and hateful attitude towards an innocent child. Sending lots of hugs to you and hoping by some miracle things get better.
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  #9  
November 25th, 2012, 04:09 PM
MamaSkunk's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Minneapolis
Posts: 3,061
Oh Melissa I am so sorry that your going thru this. My mom was told by everyone to abort my youngest brother as well...by my brothers dad and his family as well as friends as she was a single mom of two..just like you. And she only had me(10) and my middle brother(4) supporting her during her entire pregnancy. I seen how hurt my mom was during that time by everyones attitude and did my darnedest to be supportive of her and let her know that we were excited about our new sibling. So aside from us supporting you...dont forget your kids who i am sure as happy as you! And Im here to talk if you need too! Ignore them all and just focus on yourself..your kids and the new baby.
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  #10  
November 25th, 2012, 04:18 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 1,489
*hugs* I'm so sorry that this is all going down! If you ever need to talk, PM me, I've been told I'm a good listener, and I'll be more than happy to be a non-biased ear for you to vent to. Just remember that in June you'll have a wonderful blessing to hold onto, and that will be worth it
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  #11  
November 25th, 2012, 04:48 PM
QueenCrafty's Avatar Courtney
Join Date: May 2007
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 25,834
What a cruel thing for her to say!! I am so sorry her reaction was like that. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life, and I wish it was as simple as avoiding her indefinitely. For this child's sake, I hope she will change her mind otherwise she is the one missing out on something so wonderful as a baby.
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  #12  
November 25th, 2012, 05:48 PM
bribugg13's Avatar SAHM to Pirate & Princess
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I'm so sorry!
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  #13  
November 25th, 2012, 05:54 PM
jhmomofmany's Avatar Look! A Dancing Banana!
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How awful, I am so very very sorry.
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  #14  
November 25th, 2012, 06:00 PM
Mega Super Mommy
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I wish your SO would stand up to her. He is too d*mn old to be so bullied by her.
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  #15  
November 25th, 2012, 06:06 PM
CartersMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Posts: 2,931
Oh Melissa how terribly heartbreaking. I have no words. Except that I would pray for your mother in law she obviously has some terrible inability to control herself and her thoughts and actions, you are are carrying a precious wonderful human being who has worth and value and should never be made now or at birth to be made into something disposable. ((HUGS))
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  #16  
November 25th, 2012, 06:37 PM
safarilime's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 527
Oh i am so sorry that you are going through this.. i know that it might be really hard right now and alot of it being unknown but keep your head up and be strong for you little baby. Eventually people will come around.. just think of your little baby when they get here and think how anyone could not have wanted them.. think about how love you and everyone else is going to be.. i know its hard but you need to be strong and brave for this baby because you are the one they are depending on the most.. cheer up Melissa! You got this.
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  #17  
November 25th, 2012, 08:13 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 6,057
Hugs. What a terrible woman. You and your SO have a lot to work through but I hope it will only bring you together and make your love stronger. Maybe this is the push he needs to stand up to his mother and put her in her proper place in his life.
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  #18  
November 25th, 2012, 08:32 PM
eshute's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Posts: 1,573
I'm so sorry to hear that you two are going through this. It's heartbreaking and there's not a lot that can be done about it. My baby's dad's family keeps asking him if he's sure it's his and they all want a paternity test once the baby is here. It's not so bad as saying they'll pay for an abortion though, what a terrible thing! I hope your SO stays strong and you two work through it all. No matter what, your baby
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  #19  
November 26th, 2012, 12:12 AM
phantomsgrl11's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Ardmore, PA
Posts: 1,154
I am so sorry that she is like this. My aunt was 45 when she had her last and my cousin has grown up not knowing any of her grandparents. She is now 8 - and completely fine. You don't need grandparents. All you need to know is love and you will provide enough love for this child whether you are with the dad or not, sees the grandmother or not. That's the bottom line!


I think its a little disconcerting though that a 43 year old can't stand up to his mother. If my mom had anything negative to say about myself, my children or my husband she knows **** well where my priorities lie and pretty much how fast I'd tell her off and cut her off. Bottom line is seeing as he is 43 - she has to be in her 60's at least she will be needing him a hell of a lot more than he will need her as time goes on. Perhaps it wouldn't hurt to remind her of that. If she can't/won't come around then *** her. Sorry if that seems cruel but I personally wouldn't let my son see a woman that would deny another child of mine.
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  #20  
November 26th, 2012, 12:21 AM
MamaSkunk's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Minneapolis
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Yes at 43 he should be standing up to his mother especially since shes apparently so controlling. Men sometimes
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