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Forum: June 2013 Playroom

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  #1  
December 2nd, 2012, 08:18 PM
navywifey2003's Avatar Home Birth Mama
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Have you had people give you unsolicited pregnancy/baby advice? What kind of stuff?

What do you do when it happens? Smile & nod? Speak your mind? Ignore?
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  #2  
December 2nd, 2012, 08:30 PM
ashleykathleen's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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All the time. Normally I just smile and nod and move on...lately I have not been able to keep my mouth shut. Particularly at work. I have been having sleep troubles with my son. I work with a small number of women so they are all fully aware of my battle lately. I'm so freaking sick of everyone telling me what I should do or what I'm doing wrong...especially the women that don't have children!!! I had a full out meltdown the other day so I'm hoping that will keep them quiet for a little while.
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  #3  
December 2nd, 2012, 08:44 PM
eshute's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Not too much yet, although I haven't told my family except for my mom. I work with a staff of 99% women, so now an then I get a few weird things, but not just yet. I'm sure my sister will have plenty to advise me on when I tell the family, but hopefully I'll be able to dodge it.
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  #4  
December 2nd, 2012, 08:53 PM
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So far not really. Right now everyone just asks how I feel. It helps that I mostly stay home, and when I work it's places I don't know anyone, and I don't really look pregnant yet. I'm sure when I go home for Christmas, aunts will be all about giving me unsolicited advice. But right now I'm going to enjoy staying in my sheltered life
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  #5  
December 2nd, 2012, 08:55 PM
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Ha! Not about pregnancy or baby but about my DD...

Someone recently told me this summer that DD was too pale and needed to spend more time out in the sun. Um... she spent about an hour or more each day in the sun... she is like her momma in how fair her skin is at this age... I still have pretty fair skin but as I got older I started to tan. She has blonde hair and blue eyes... why would she not be fair skinned.

I just ignored it but it didn't make it any easier to listen to.
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  #6  
December 3rd, 2012, 03:45 AM
rcjh12's Avatar Nicole
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Location: Kansas
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Not yet this time around. In the past I've just smiled along and then ignored. I'm hoping I am able to continue to hold my tongue this time around ... My husband informed me my filter seems to be broke and I say what is on my mind a lot more than usual.
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  #7  
December 3rd, 2012, 04:23 AM
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All the time. It's been going on all the way through IVF and I'm sure it will never stop. Most is frustrating because it has to do with my being pregnant after infertility. It always comes from those who don't understand what I went through. They all think I just need to "forget" about that part of my life because its over now and it worked. Infertility will never be out of my life. I will never forget what I went through to have these babies. Yes I am extrememly grateful but there is no explaining how I feel about it.
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  #8  
December 3rd, 2012, 04:30 AM
terese81's Avatar Veteran
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My husbands father's wife asked MY HUSBAND (with me sitting there) if I have been "behaving myself", i.e. not smoking, drinking, etc. She obviously doesn't pay attention, because, first of all, I don't smoke. Dummy. I also, OBVIOUSLY don't drink while I'm pregnant...I'm a responsible 31 year old woman, not an 18 year old party animal. They've been married for a year, and that's all she's known me for...I've gotten through 2 pregnancies and have been raising 3 happy, healthy boys way before she came along to give all her unwarranted advice!

If it's something that really pisses me off, I speak my mind. I'm sure her views on breastfeeding will be coming soon (which I don't plan to do), and I will for sure tell her where to put her opinions.
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  #9  
December 3rd, 2012, 07:18 AM
phantomsgrl11's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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The thing that pisses me off the most is when I politely say I can't have something such as a hoagie or something because I already had my tuna for the week and cannot eat cold lunchmeat. I get a lot of that well I have 4 kids and I ate a ham and cheese sandwich everyday lecture.

I remind them that in the beginning you were actually encouraged to smoke to reduce stress and we know how that turned out. LOL
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  #10  
December 3rd, 2012, 08:13 AM
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Our Lucy was born in July and when we took her to church the first time we got lectured by a well-meaning lady about how to bundle up the baby. We "only" had her in an outfit, covered by her baptismal gown, wearing booties and hat. Nice Lady told us that even though it is summer time (really?) the weather doesn't get that hot up here (how can she know that? is there a temperature-measuring device that I've never heard of?) and babies really get cold easily (I had no idea) and should always be wrapped in a swaddling blanket (a what? never heard of it).

I smiled and said nothing, and silently wondered how I managed to keep the other six from freezing to death without her helpful instruction.
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  #11  
December 3rd, 2012, 08:32 AM
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I didn't mind the "advice" so much as I did the rude comments about how pregnant I was and the random people touching my belly. I hate that on levels you can not comprehend. I am one of those people who doesn't like casual touching or having their space invaded.

No one is really giving me advice this go around. It is my 3rd pregnancy and I'm pretty easy going with how this all plays out.

My biggest issue is that society seems to treat pregnant women like public property. For example, strangers will rub a pregnant woman's belly in the line at the grocery store! And the public seems to think it is okay to make comments about your pregnancy waddle, or every time you have to pee, or how enormous your pregnant belly is!

I am NOT STANDING FOR THIS THIS PREGNANCY. Last two pregnancies I felt like I had to smile and go along with it. Not this time. People need to know their behavior towards pregnant women is unacceptable, especially if you don't KNOW us.
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  #12  
December 3rd, 2012, 09:27 AM
navywifey2003's Avatar Home Birth Mama
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I get it a lot. Omg it drives me up the wall! I try to smile and nod but I can be sensitive to people when it comes to my parenting. Sometimes I go home and cry. It sucks but I am getting better.
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  #13  
December 3rd, 2012, 10:11 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sunnydaze View Post
I didn't mind the "advice" so much as I did the rude comments about how pregnant I was and the random people touching my belly. I hate that on levels you can not comprehend. I am one of those people who doesn't like casual touching or having their space invaded.

No one is really giving me advice this go around. It is my 3rd pregnancy and I'm pretty easy going with how this all plays out.

My biggest issue is that society seems to treat pregnant women like public property. For example, strangers will rub a pregnant woman's belly in the line at the grocery store! And the public seems to think it is okay to make comments about your pregnancy waddle, or every time you have to pee, or how enormous your pregnant belly is!

I am NOT STANDING FOR THIS THIS PREGNANCY. Last two pregnancies I felt like I had to smile and go along with it. Not this time. People need to know their behavior towards pregnant women is unacceptable, especially if you don't KNOW us.
OMG the touching of the belly!! This is my first pregnancy, and I'm BARELY showing now...almost 3 weeks ago, at a school I subbed at, one of my acquaintances found out I was pregnant and proceeded to rub my belly! I just stood there in shock. I didn't know what to do. I am a very "DO NOT ENTER MY BUBBLE" person, and I told my mom, that if this is going to be the norm, my witch hat is going to come out and I'm going to get firm with people. I can't go through months of strangers invading my space and touching my belly.
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  #14  
December 3rd, 2012, 10:40 AM
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I put it up with it my first pregnancy and most of my second. I am not standing for it this time around. The claws are out. Why is this socially accepted for pregnant women?

I can't walk up to a bald guy and rub his head for good luck!
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  #15  
December 3rd, 2012, 11:10 AM
QueenCrafty's Avatar Courtney
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I've never had my belly touched by random people- that seems crazy to me that they think it is okay!

No unsolicited advice with this one yet. I've heard some doozies before with my other pregnancies. With my first, some stranger asked if I was planning on being a SAHM. At the time, I was the breadwinner so I was of course going back to work. She told me "Oh you just can't do that to a child! A baby needs to be raised by its mother and not some stranger. You need to figure out how you can make it work to stay home.". Okay crazy, you don't know me so back off. I politely told her that if I wanted to raise a child with a roof over its head, then I would need to go back to work.

My mom and my MIL ganged up on me with my second child with breastfeeding and bed sharing. They through out these random old wives tales about how babies STTN when X happens or Y happens. My mother even insisted that my husband's sex life was in danger because we shared our bed with our baby. I told her the next time she had a baby, she could raise it however she wanted but this one was mine.
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  #16  
December 3rd, 2012, 12:24 PM
kit.kat.81's Avatar Veteran
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Oh, man... the touching of the belly. I've already gotten that! And I HATE being touched by people I don't know. I've got an abuse/trauma history, so I don't react well to it in general. I think I might make some shirts that say things like: "If you want to keep that hand, keep it off my belly" or "WARNING: PRIVATE PROPERTY! Trespassers WILL be shot!" or "I am not a dog, and I DON'T want my belly rubbed! Back off!"
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  #17  
December 3rd, 2012, 12:36 PM
rcjh12's Avatar Nicole
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Yeah, touching my belly might get you (general you) bit. I'm pretty easy going on the advice, but touch and learn the hard way.
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  #18  
December 3rd, 2012, 02:25 PM
zkat's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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This time has been pretty mellow, but not many people know I am pregnant yet. I still get random parenting advice on Bourne. I typically say "Thank you so much for the advice. I will have to remember that if I need it" My son is not a fabulous sleeper, even at 2 years old he still wakes up at least 1x a night. It doesn't matter if we go to him or not, he still wakes up and cries. When it comes to sleep, I really think it is as much genetic as anything. My DH and I always go through periods of poor sleep, so it stands to reason, B inherited it from us. He is also hyper, which lends to soooooooooo much unsolicited advice. I have even had people suggest we medicate him at 2!!!!!!!!! I don't even want to fight that battle with people - it will get ugly and they will get their feelings hurt.

Last pregnancy I got a lot of advice, especially since he was breech and we scheduled a c-section. I had several people try to guilt me into forcing my OB into doing a Version (which she wouldn't do. I am high risk) I learned to tell people "I appreciate your input, but I fully trust my OB. She went to medical school and specializes in my condition" I am sure this time I will hear it because I am not attempting a VBAC.

Kat.
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  #19  
December 3rd, 2012, 03:14 PM
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Yeah, my grandmother, god bless her, is so old school she has all these old wives tales of everything i should do while pregnant. I'm just like "I think I'll stick to what the doc says".

I love her to death and she raised 3 healthy babies, but times are changing!
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  #20  
December 3rd, 2012, 03:46 PM
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I don't remember anybody touching my belly either, even my friends and family would ask to touch my belly. My hubby says it's because I have red hair people just naturally assume I'm a b*tch. Ha! Far from it, I'm way too non-confrontational. I get constant parenting advice from my step mom, whom I love dearly and I know she means well, but sometimes I feel like she just doesn't know what I'm doing. It's not unreasonable advice and I do listen politely. Everybody else I just smile and nod. The whole of my motherhood I've felt like people have judged me because I'm young, most people who guess my age say I look even younger than I am, so I can understand. When it comes to strangers I could give a crap less about what they say when it comes to my parenting, you don't know who I am, please don't pass judgement.
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