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OT: Friend Issues (bit long, more of a rant)


Forum: June 2013 Playroom

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  • 6 Post By DaniB+3
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  #1  
December 19th, 2012, 08:00 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Cincinnati, OH
Posts: 1,834
I have had this friend ever since I was a small child. Her grandmother used to watch my brother and me. We've had our ups and downs and we've spent years where we weren't in touch. However, as we got older and wound up in the same profession (education) and eventually got married and I had a child (she already had 2) we had spent more time together.

Over the last year or so we've started spending less and less time together and barely spoke to each other on the phone. Nothing happened, we both just got incredibly busy and involved with our families. I already knew that she couldn't come over to my house because she is very allergic to cats so that meant me visiting her or meeting some place else. But then it became I couldn't be in her car. She couldn't ride in mine. Then I couldn't stay in her house for long because of cat on my clothes (note: I'm not a dirty person, I wash regularly and my clothing is clean).

The last time I saw her was right after she gave birth to her third child my family went over to say congratulations and to see the baby. I had offered several times to come over to clean or to make her kids' favorite dishes or just to help. My offers were always refused. This time as I was cooing over her baby she and her husband began to talk politics with my husband. I immediately spoke up and said that that wasn't a good idea. I knew how they voted and my husband is not the world's most diplomatic person. I was ignored (and outside of repeating that the conversation should end I stayed out of it). It got a bit tense but finally they stopped talking about politics before it got nasty. I hand the baby back over at which point i was informed that we should probably leave because her eyes were starting to water and she could see that it was affecting her daughter (who is 11) as well. So we leave.

We talked a few more times after that and stayed in touch through Facebook.

Now to the last couple of days. My Facebook feed was flooded with macro images of various opinions about guns and people inviting me to various groups. I had not posted any response to anyone's image or request. I mostly ignored it all. But they just kept coming and they kept getting more irrelevant and, frankly, offensive. So I posted a 4 point response to the most common of these sentiments explaining right off that this would be my only post on the issue and that I would not engage in a conversation on anyone's wall or respond to my own post. Because everyone feels that they can express themselves through multiple images and status updates I figured that 1 status update that had a big ol' warning at the top so people could ignore it if they wish wouldn't hurt anything. I was not personal in my status or calling anyone out or specifically mentioning any one person's post.

I log in today and what do I see? A very personal and directed status update from my "friend" basically calling me an idiot and a fool and that she was having a better day than me because she made candy whereas I'll spend the day sulking because no one agrees with me. It took everything in me to not cattily respond "Oh, dear <name>, you can't solve ALL your issues with the world with food." Instead, I intend to be true to my word and not respond at all and not even mention it if she should ever talk to me.

I completely expected and was prepared for people to disagree with me. That's fine. It's not like I'm disagreeing with people who think that murder is great or with people who think hurting others is fun. We're all just trying to figure out how to fix a horrible mess. So it's completely baffling that she would launch a personal attack.

I have considered blocking her updates on my feed. She can see my updates but I don't have to read hers anymore. I don't even know why I'm posting this on here. I suppose I just need to vent a bit and express some frustration at an apparently messy ending to a friendship.
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  #2  
December 19th, 2012, 10:07 PM
eshute's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Posts: 1,588
I've had a similar problem on facebook. I think it's interesting that people can post their opinions in other people's faces, but can't handle it when an opposing opinion is posted. It sounds like maybe you and this friend have grown in different directions and possibly don't have a lot in common anymore, or maybe she just isn't the type of person you want in your life right now (with the cattiness and whatnot). I'd block her posts and forget about it. I've had to do that with family members that I'm not comfortable unfriending, but I can't stand seeing their constant political ranting or negative comments.

Good luck! I hope she chills out a bit!
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  #3  
December 19th, 2012, 10:22 PM
DaniB+3's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Union Bridge, MD
Posts: 3,409
Sorry to be blunt but it sure sounds like a weed in your friendship garden. Time to pull that sucker out. We've all been in those situations where friendships have dragged on beyond the point where they are enjoyable - when that happens, it's time to go one's separate way in order to not make an actual enemy or stress yourself out. People change a lot over the years - it's no one's "fault" if the person you are now isn't compatible with the person that she is now.

Just my two cents
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  #4  
December 19th, 2012, 10:38 PM
MamaSkunk's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Minneapolis
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I understand all too well. You may remember when i ranted about my best friend whose 7 year old kept hurting my 2 year old and broke my 2 year olds bday gift and tried stealing another...well i confronted said friend like everyone suggested I do...and I was very nice and polite about it and asked her to not bring her 7 year old around my DD until she taught her some manners. (3 head injuries to my DD who was just 2 at the last incident was enough!) And my friend assumed that meant we shouldnt be friends at all. She would rather not discipline her youngest instead of maintain a 20 year friendship. Some people change over time and not for the better. Same friend texted me treating me like crap after my other friend and cousin helped us out since we are so broke...i thanked them on FB and she then texted me starting crap saying I needed to do this and that trying to tell me my kid didnt need xmas gifts cuz shes only 2... this from a 30 year old woman still living at home with her 3 kids that has no bills telling me what to do financially. I cut the strings for my own sanity. True i am minus a friend but a real friend doesnt treat someone like that. So i feel ya. Id cut the ties now especially if your so called friend keeps treating you like a frenemy. Hugs hun!
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  #5  
December 20th, 2012, 05:12 AM
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Near Washington DC
Posts: 1,174
Removing people from my facebook feed has been one of the best decisions I've ever made. For example, I have one friend who is very loudly prochoice, which is fine. I am kind of on the fence about the issue myself.

But she would constantly, several times a day, make posts about the right to abort, rape, and everything else. It got to the point where she was like cheering for abortion and putting down women who wanted to keep their babies. I know this isn't the case, but certainly did seem that way.

Now I know this woman, and I enjoy her company and I very genuinely like her. She does not push these type of sentiments when we are in a room together, it only seems to happen on facebook. I think she is kind, has a big heart, and a good soul.

So to save our friendship, i removed her from my feed on facebook.

I've also done this to a lot of my friends who are very political on facebook, and I'll admit, I've even blocked some Raven fans as well. I find it keeps harmony in my life if I don't have to read all the bullcrap I don't agree with that they keep vomiting up on facebook.
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  #6  
December 20th, 2012, 06:11 AM
mommyandwife08's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Florida
Posts: 1,682
I have so many people's news feeds blocked. Especially around the election. Facebook is not the best place to air opinions I have come to realize. So I normally just block their status for awhile and check back when things have calmed down. Sometimes it is the only way to keep the friendship.
Unfortunately there are some people who we have to let go of at a certain point. It sounds like it might be time to let her go.
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  #7  
December 20th, 2012, 06:53 AM
MarylandMama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Maryland, near DC
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Haha, cracking up over blocking Ravens fans. I have thought of that myself!
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  #8  
December 20th, 2012, 07:21 AM
MamaSkunk's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Heyyyyyy whats wrong with Ravens fans???
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  #9  
December 20th, 2012, 07:50 AM
Madison.Hailey.Zack's Avatar Mom of 2 Girls and a Boy!
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Location: Michigan
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I'm sorry hon. Its been very touchy since Friday. I had a family member who is very against guns post a link about banning guns in school. My husband is an avid second amendment supporter and owns a few guns (has done classes and is a cpw holder so everything is legal and on the up and up). Well he just responded to her that "yeah because bad guys leave their guns in their cars". Now he never has ever attacked anyone for their opinion on a subject he doesn't agree on. He keeps to himself all the time. (Mind you this family member has 2 son in laws who also agree with Mike and are also gun owners). Well she went and personally attacked him in a return comment. I reported it because it was that bad. I then to try and defuse the situation commented saying "he wasn't personally attacking you. Gun control is a very touchy subject all around". In turn we were both deleted from her fb page. I think so many emotions and feelings are on high alert after Friday. Heck I'm nervous dropping my preschooler off at school at week over everything that has gone on.
I think people need to remember that there are so many opinions out there. I hope she cools down soon so that the friendship can be salvaged. (Sorry didn't mean to run off with my comment)
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  #10  
December 20th, 2012, 07:56 AM
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I'm a Steelers fan LOL
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  #11  
December 20th, 2012, 08:01 AM
MarylandMama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Maryland, near DC
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I'm a Skins fan living in a split area. Ad some (certainly not all) Ravens fans on my news feed are REALLY obnoxious. Gets irritating sometimes. We bleed burgundy and gold in this family.
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  #12  
December 20th, 2012, 08:02 AM
phantomsgrl11's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Ardmore, PA
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Ahhh I know the feeling all too well and actually it's partly facebook's fault as well. I have a bestfriend since we were both 4. We grew apart over the years because of different interests and where we were at in our lives naturally but always kept in touch. She ATTACKS the facebook feed daily with pictures of dogs from puppy mills and telling people how horrible they are if they shop and not adopt for a pet. It's constant then add in her political ideals around election time and her willingness to hit share on any meme without fact checking it at all and you got a mess. I ended up blocking her for a couple months. LOL


I wish there was some good advice but it's so hard to cut out someone you feel knows you better than anyone else because just of how long you've been friends. I can honestly say my "bestfriend" knows less about me than my customers at work at this point and I just am letting it fizzle on its on. There doesn't need to be a big talk or announcement.
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  #13  
December 20th, 2012, 08:53 AM
MamaSkunk's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Minneapolis
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sunnydaze View Post
I'm a Steelers fan LOL
Ohhhhhh sad. lmao

Quote:
Originally Posted by MarylandMama View Post
I'm a Skins fan living in a split area. Ad some (certainly not all) Ravens fans on my news feed are REALLY obnoxious. Gets irritating sometimes. We bleed burgundy and gold in this family.
Ooohhh well thats better than being a steelers fan haha
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  #14  
December 20th, 2012, 10:33 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Cincinnati, OH
Posts: 1,834
lol, the sports talk is hilarious. There was an active friendly rivalry between my co-worker and a parent (she supported Steelers and he supported another team...Ravens, I guess!). He brought his daughter in wearing his team's jersey and during her lunch break my co-worker got her daughter's jersey out of the car with the Steelers logo on it and put it over the original shirt. That little girl was so confused!

Anyway, thank you ladies! I've decided to block her status updates for now. As others have said, I don't see the point in a big talk or announcement or anything.

@Madison: And I bet you could say the same thing about all parties involved: It's not like anyone is advocating doing random shootings or hurting people. It is an emotional issue and one that needs serious and sincere dialogue.
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  #15  
December 20th, 2012, 01:41 PM
Joanne Nicole's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Mississauga, Ontario
Posts: 1,035
At one point I had several hundred people as "friends" on my facebook, and would occasionally hide the posts of people who really offended me with their constant religious and political updates. Then I finally realized that I'm not actually friends with the majority of these people and why on earth would I keep subjecting myself to a barrage of comments that do nothing but upset me? Now days I keep my facebook friend's list under 50 people. Close family members and people that I'm ACTUALLY friends with. It's been a great decision and definitely helps keep the stress down. Actually, I've unfriended 2 people just this week because we never talk anymore and their stance on gun control and/or religion pisses me off. I use facebook to keep in touch with friends and family who don't live close by - it's great to be able to instantly see pictures of my nieces and nephews, and to share big news, and to chat with my little sister who lives 3000 miles away. But I wish that people would keep their opinions off facebook.
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