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Hey ladies... I am sorry I've been MIA lately.. Just recently I have had to deal with something that has completely broken my heart and caused a lot of stress, confusion, sadness, etc. To make a long story short, I got my 3 1/2 year old daughter evaluated (would have done it sooner, just didn't have insurance at the appropriate times.. am on medical cards now for her and my pregnancy but was actually fortunate enough to get help from my boyfriend's mom when it came to paying for an evaluation) because of some little concerns I had. Honestly, she is so smart. She listens to me, does what I ask, communicates really well (what she wants, doesn't want, her thoughts), is super musical, her memory is just unbelievable (like for example this has happened many times.. if she'll ask me what something is and I tell her then the next time she asks me and I tell her something different she will say "no mommy that's a ...." whatever the thing may be that I said it was the first time.. and she recalls things from a year or more ago.. anyway.. she is the love of my life and I wouldn't trade her for the world.. there were just a couple of red flags.. like sometimes she'll use echolalia and sometimes she will answer normally... sometimes she has tantrums (usually when she doesn't get what she wants) and I chalked that up to her age but knew it couldn't just be.. she is a really picky eater, she is really like... particular she piles things up, lines things in order, (kind of like perfectionist??) and gets disturbed when you take something she was using or something? But she is so dang affectionate, loving, says "I love you" all the time to her dad and I, playful, social, eye contact, etc. Sometimes like when she was in daycare she'd prefer to play on her own but whenever I have her around her cousins or her aunts, (who are younger than her as my boyfriend's dad had twins shortly after Chloe was born) she loves playing with them. She doesn't do much pretend play but she loves playing with me or her dad. She is super loving/attached and she is just generally very happy, with the occasional toddler meltdowns.. so I took her in from those concerns and the therapist didn't get a chance to finish the evaluation because after she broke out the toys Chloe was hooked and didn't want to take another exam.. so she told me to just take home things to fill out and bring Chloe back in after the holidays to finish the evaluation.. anyway and she gave me some books and explained to me that Chloe has a great large vocabulary from what she sees and knows her colors and numbers and whatever she tested so far and that she is very smart, however that she does suspect some spectrum of Autism and that she believes it is mild and with intesnsive therapies, she believes Chloe will be just fine. I had to not look at anyone until leaving and burst into tears with my boyfriend (who doesn't think she has autism by the way) and he was comforting me and calming me down because I was driving.. just all around feeling sorry for myself, which is really wrong because it's about Chloe. I am just so worried for her now and I am also worried that since the therapist is suspecting/basically saying this is what it is, that the baby in my stomach will have this or something too.. I feel like such an A%$HOLE for being so sad about this when clearly it's not the end of the world.. I just am so lost and confused.. this isn't on my side of the family or his.. the only thing remotely close is that my sister needed speech therapy when she was Chloe's age and that my boyfriend, his sister, and my sister have ADHD or had.. I don't know.. anyway ya so I am so lost because isn't it supposed to be genetic??!! I am just so upset.. sorry this is so long I just needed to vent it out and explain why I haven't been around. It's just so hard to be excited about this pregnancy when I was basically told just before Christmas that my daughter has autism or a mild form of it.. to me autism is autism.. I just need some support really.. I love her more than anything in the world. It's a lesson to count blessings and become stronger. I hope you're all doing well and have a very Merry Christmas! <3