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sigh....dilemma


Forum: June 2013 Playroom

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  • 3 Post By SassySami
  • 5 Post By Rissa6213
  • 6 Post By rcjh12
  • 1 Post By farmfourmama

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  #1  
January 13th, 2013, 10:33 AM
First time mommy :)
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 231
So as you all know, my husband is deployed and I live with my parents etc.....well, my parent's house is kind of dirty, they have six dogs, and they never clean up after themselves. It's a cluttered mess. So I have decided it is NO safe place for an infant and to move in with my mother in law. So, you can imagine how my mom feels. She is so upset and angry with me, and now despises my MIL. She sees nothing wrong with the way they are living and says she'd never get rid of any of her dogs for anything, not even for me. Which to me means, not even for the safety of her first grandson. Their dogs have never been around any children whatsoever, and frankly three of them I don't even trust not to bite me. They're always barking, always waking me up, peeing and pooping in the house, dog hair and dander EVERYWHERE all the time. All over the furniture, and one even spends his day on the kitchen table! So my parent's are making me feel soooooo guilty for "taking their grandson away from them", but am I wrong? Would you put your newborn child in a house like that? Oh and I forgot to mention the loaded guns my dad has sitting on the counters and up on shelves all over the house. How can I stop feeling so guilty?
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  #2  
January 13th, 2013, 10:36 AM
SassySami's Avatar Crunchy mama
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Colorado
Posts: 3,078
umm no.. get the heck out and fast!! that is gross and here that is considered animal hoarding!
TeresaV, bribugg13 and Rissa6213 like this.
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  #3  
January 13th, 2013, 10:42 AM
TeresaV's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2012
Location: NY State
Posts: 1,734
Get outta there! You need to look out for the safety of you and your family. If your parents don't respect that, that's really sad.
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  #4  
January 13th, 2013, 10:43 AM
rcjh12's Avatar Nicole
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Kansas
Posts: 1,008
Not wrong at all. It doesn't sound like a pleasant place, and sounds very unhealthy for bringing a newborn into. Just know you are doing what is best for you and your unborn child ... they will have to make adjustments or just get over the fact that you aren't comfortable in that situation.
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  #5  
January 13th, 2013, 10:50 AM
PurpleStar's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Maui
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pooping and peeing inside the house?! Um, NO! That's not healthy for anyone, let alone a brand new baby! If you were straight up with your mom with why you made the decision you did and she still doesn't get it - that's all you can do. Sorry you're getting the guilt trip...parental guilt is the worst!
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  #6  
January 13th, 2013, 10:56 AM
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Location: Kentucky
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Get out of there!! That is totally unsanitary and dangerous! Your parents should seriously understand that and if they don't then I am just amazed... Tell them what you told us here or write them a letter. Talk thoroughly about it and make it clear you will always let them visit with your baby just not in that environment. Good luck!
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  #7  
January 13th, 2013, 11:07 AM
First time mommy :)
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 231
I have made it very clear to them. Many times. And they make it clear to me that they are doing nothing wrong and that I am overreacting. I'm like uh no, you are just crazy. I even expressed to them how hurt I am because I feel that a bunch of dogs mean more to them than their daughter and grandchild, and they still shrug their shoulders and say well the dogs are staying. If they want to be angry with me, then ok. I just keep telling myself not to feel bad because moving out doesn't make me a bad daughter, it makes me a good mother!
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  #8  
January 13th, 2013, 11:11 AM
MamaSkunk's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Minneapolis
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I dont blame you. 6 dogs is alot! And completely gross that they let them pee and poop in the house!!! There is no excuse for that. Ive had plenty of dogs come to my house as fosters before being adopted into their permanant home that were not potty trained yet...usually due to spending their life in a kennel or outdoors...and at most it takes a few weeks to properly train them to go outside and be fully potty trained. And as a foster the maximum dogs Ive ever had has been 4.... and I have a large house...a huge fenced yard with a huge dog run.
My mom on the other hand at one point had three large dogs crammed into a a one bedroom apartment and her place always stinks like dog. And one of hers almost bit my own DD on three seperate occasions. There is good pet owners and bad. I agree completely that isnt a safe place for an infant or child.
And you are in the right...your concerns are valid. It sounds like your mom isnt a responsible pet owner. It sounds like to me like a few of the dogs should be rehomed also.
Hugs hun.
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  #9  
January 13th, 2013, 11:11 AM
rcjh12's Avatar Nicole
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Location: Kansas
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rissa6213 View Post
I just keep telling myself not to feel bad because moving out doesn't make me a bad daughter, it makes me a good mother!
This exactly. Just remember that!
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  #10  
January 13th, 2013, 11:18 AM
hilachu's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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You have someone else now to worry about besides yourself
Those conditions are deplorable for adults let alone a newborn
do not let your parents guilt you into stay
i would have been out of there even not pregnant based on the sounds of it
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  #11  
January 13th, 2013, 11:19 AM
navywifey2003's Avatar Home Birth Mama
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I agree Hun you are doing the right thing. We have a dog who piddles and has poop accidents but we always clean it right away. Own a carpet cleaner to take care of his accidents he is only one dog though. And again we make sure we clean it almost immediately. We don't know how long he spent in a kennel or a shelter ect since we adopted him. But 6 doing that is just insane! Huge hugs Hun you are doing the right thing.
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  #12  
January 13th, 2013, 11:29 AM
First time mommy :)
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Location: Chicago area
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Yes I would be out now too but am just waiting until March when I only have to commute to school twice a week. Then I'm gone! It's a big house and they have ten acres, but the dogs are trained horribly they run that house. And they are not good dogs. I clean up as much as I can but I am pregnant there's only so much I can do you know? I don't have time to clean up after everyone, dogs, schoolwork, and prepare for a baby. It's a fricken zoo! If the housekeeping was kept up with and the dogs were trained correctly it wouldnt be so unbearable. But its not acceptable any which way for a baby.
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  #13  
January 13th, 2013, 04:30 PM
eshute's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Pittsburgh, PA
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You're doing the right thing. They'll get over it, especially once the baby is here. Good luck and I hope they stop guilt tripping you!
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  #14  
January 13th, 2013, 06:12 PM
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You are doing the right thing and leaving does make you a good mom! It is sad thst your parents do not realize that Hopefully they come to reality soon and make some changes so you are able to visit with the baby!
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  #15  
January 13th, 2013, 06:42 PM
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Lurker from March ddc here

You are not over reacting at all! If someone from child protection services ever seen something like that the child would be removed asap! Not saying that they would be involved with you or anything like that, but its just not fit for a baby.
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  #16  
January 13th, 2013, 07:03 PM
First time mommy :)
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Chicago area
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I've actually considered anonymously calling animal control but they would know it was me. I get on them every day about re homing so they would definitely connect the dots. I mean the house isn't in deplorable conditions. And my husband at least completely made over my bedroom. But I cannot just stay in my room 24/7! So I am 100% moving in March if I can make it that long haha. Thanks ladies, I appreciate your opinions and I honestly don't feel as bad knowing you would all do the same thing!!!!
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  #17  
January 13th, 2013, 09:39 PM
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My daughter at 21 months, was next to my moms golden retriever whom had been around my kids their whole lives! I never worried...the dog had been around my younger sister for 8 years.. Was a good dog!! My daughter was standing next to her when the dog snapped at her... I was literally within an arms reach.

17 stitches. 4 staples. 3 different areas. One on the top of her head and two on her beautiful face!!! One was 1/2 an inch from her eye. We were actually very lucky. But the guilt you feel now will be nothing conpared to how will feel at having to look at a child's scarred face everyday or see them in the hospital...

Please please stick to your guns....

I don't mean this rude... At all. Just a very hard subject for me!
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Last edited by farmfourmama; January 13th, 2013 at 09:42 PM.
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  #18  
January 14th, 2013, 05:43 AM
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it is not even healthy for YOU to be living there.
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  #19  
January 14th, 2013, 06:58 AM
MarylandMama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Maryland, near DC
Posts: 1,145
You are doing the right thing and you should get yourself out ASAP. And you should have no guilt. You clearly value your child above all else. Your parents choose to value the dogs. They've made that choice and if they're unhappy with your decision, they have no one to blame but themselves. Take care!
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