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Mother-in-Law in Delivery Room??????!!!!!


Forum: June 2013 Playroom

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  #1  
January 22nd, 2013, 08:10 PM
Newbie
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 4
Greetings ladies,

I am pregnant with my 1st child. I'm due June 26th! The other day, I was mentioning to my DH that my best friend (who is piratically my sister) was ecstatic that I invited her into the L&D room with me. My hospital allows 3 people in the Delivery Room.
He was completely surprised and angry that I did not want his mother (my MIL) in the room. He told me, "she is my mother and she has a right to see her grandchild being born." Keep in mind, this is not her first grandchild. His sister has two kids, who his mother witnessed both births.

I told him that I wanted him, my mother and my best friend in the room with me for support. He just didn't understand why His mother was not allowed in the room and then proceeded to tell me that his sister was upset about my decision.

At the end of the day, in my logic, this is a very private, PERSONAL, INTIMATE moment for a women...right? Am I wrong to not want my MIL in the room with me!?!?!?!?!?!?!?


Thank you Ladies!!!!
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  #2  
January 23rd, 2013, 05:25 AM
rcjh12's Avatar Nicole
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Kansas
Posts: 1,008
Not wrong at all. I let my DH pull this on me with my first, and I was miserable. Ruined my childbirth experience because every time she even spoke to me my blood pressure spiked. My experience is probably to the extreme compared to most, but the simple fact is that this is your experience and you want people there who will support you. If you would rather have your friend than his mother, that is your call. His mother and sister are (presumably) adults and can be upset, or they can act like adults and accept your decision.
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  #3  
January 23rd, 2013, 05:25 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 2,153
Hard to say. I only had my DH in the room. Didn't even want anyone else at the hospital. We experienced an early loss with our first pg and I was nervous throughout the entire pregnancy. I just wanted everyone to know when it was all done. I think I hurt my own Mother's feelings and for that I feel sad. Truth is we are hormonal during pregnancy. This time I think I will invite her to one of the ultrasounds (due to age I will get lots). I think it depends on the relationship with your MiL. For me, DH is the youngest of 7 and his parents didn't even think of attending.
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  #4  
January 23rd, 2013, 05:35 AM
MarylandMama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Maryland, near DC
Posts: 1,145
I am with you. When DD was born, I only wanted DH in the room. My parents and his mom were in the room for part of my earlier labor, but I almost killed my MIL and my dad pissed me off, too. No one will be in the room except DH while I am laboring this time. No one was in with us the second day. When MIL was there, her phone wouldn't stop ringing Silver Bells... in AUGUST and despite many requests to turn it off, she didn't. That is, she didn't until I said I would come over there and snap it in half if she didn't. She got the hint. Just try explaining it again to your husband and assure him she can be the first one in the room after. I certainly would not want anyone around (least of all MIL) when my legs are spread wide open pushing out a baby. (I wouldn't even let DH at the business end of all that. He had strict orders to stay right next to my head.)
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  #5  
January 23rd, 2013, 06:18 AM
Rochelle
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Floor-ree-dah
Posts: 3,388
The title of this made me gag a little but that's mainly bc my MIL is a complete and utter tool.

Anyways, you're completely justified IMHO. If you a'int happy, a'int nobody happy in the delivery room.

Anyways, and
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  #6  
January 23rd, 2013, 06:31 AM
SassySami's Avatar Crunchy mama
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Colorado
Posts: 3,078
Oh no you are very justified in that!! I would not dare have my MIL in the delivery room with me, she is outspoken but so em I so it would have turned into a pissing war!

With my first and 2nd my husband and my aunt were in the room, with my 3rd just husband.. with this one it will be my husband, my kids, my doula, best friend and midwifes (homebirth)
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  #7  
January 23rd, 2013, 07:13 AM
Joanne Nicole's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Mississauga, Ontario
Posts: 1,037
Ugh, I couldn't imagine having my MIL in there with me! Thankfully she has no desire to be there, so it's a non-issue.

With DD I called my mom to let her know when I was in labour and that we'd call her and let her know when the baby was born. She lived 4 hours away, but wanted to come stay and help out for a few days after the birth. Well, instead she showed up exactly 4 and a half hours after I called her. I hadn't planned on having anyone there but DH. I wasn't thrilled that she was there, but labour picked up really quickly right after she arrived, and at that point I just didn't care that much anymore.

The only thing that bothered me was that I felt like I had to censor myself since my mom was in the room. At one point I said "Oh my god" and my mother, who is very religious, looked affronted for a minute and then said, "Yes, that's probably a good name to be calling out to right now." Towards the end, she felt the need to remark that I screamed a lot more than she did with any of her 4 births.
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  #8  
January 23rd, 2013, 07:20 AM
Steph625's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: South Bloomfield, Ohio
Posts: 828
I think its very justified. And you are the one doing the work in the room and you have the right to decide who to be in the room.

I personally wouldn't mind having my MIL in the room with me. I do plan on having my own mother in the room with me as she was in the room with me during my daughters birth. She was very quiet and I appreciated that. However, I think it will just be my husband and my mother in the room with me this time as well. I am sure I will have family in and out while in labor but when it comes to pushing, I would like to keep in to a minimum. I was thinking of having my oldest daughter in there just as a form of birth control...haha...but was talked out of it.
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  #9  
January 23rd, 2013, 07:36 AM
Mom2LillieAidan's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Alabama
Posts: 2,684
Let me tell you, with my first, I had my (ex) husband, my mom, my SIL, my MIL, and my FIL (for early labor) in there.. This time, NO WAY! I am having my SO in there with me and that is it!! I've told him that certain people (my mom, his mom, etc) are welcome to VISIT during early labor, but they're not going to come in and hang out.
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  #10  
January 23rd, 2013, 07:59 AM
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Near Washington DC
Posts: 1,174
It depends on your relationship with her i think. My gf recently gave birth and had her mother inlaw with her, but mostly because her mom is a real tool and wouldn't come. The gift she bestowed upon her mother inlaw is so precious. Her MIL is STILL gushing over how much it meant to her and Chelsea was happy to have the support.
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  #11  
January 23rd, 2013, 09:02 AM
dmreed32's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 435
I don't know why people think they are entitled to be in there. I am having a c section and the last one my husband couldn't even be in there ( I didn't want to force him and my mom was willing to go) but if I had regular labor I wouldn't want a ton of people watching. The people you are comfortable with should be the only ones
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  #12  
January 23rd, 2013, 09:17 AM
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 3,551
I love my MIL, but will not even consider having anyone but DH in the room with me. I know she would love it, but even if we didn't need her to babysit the other kids, I think it would be too uncomfortable. Although my mind is slowly changing on this...
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  #13  
January 23rd, 2013, 09:34 AM
eshute's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Posts: 1,887
This is my first child, so i can't say anything from experience. I feel like the L&D experience needs to be about you, your DH and the baby you're bringing into the world. If you're not comfortable with your MIL being there, then I feel like you should have the last word and your DH should be more supportive. I'd pull the "If you were pushing an orange out of your (manhood), would you want MY mother there?!" Haha. Good luck, hopefully everyone will realize it's about your needs and comfort on that day.
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  #14  
January 23rd, 2013, 09:40 AM
safarilime's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 527
DH was the only one in the room when i started pushing. My mom was in the room threw all my contractions and then left the room when i said i needed to push.. i liked it that way so no one could take DH's time from me and the baby.

I think its your choice... Whatever makes you comfortable. its your and DH's day.
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  #15  
January 23rd, 2013, 09:44 AM
kit.kat.81's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 417
No way are you overreacting. My DF tried to pull something like this with me a few weeks ago. They told us the three people in the room rule, and he asked who I was picking. I said "just you, I don't want anyone else in there" and he said "well, what about MY two picks?" Because I'm allowed three people BESIDES my "coach" (DF) he took that to mean that we each got two picks and that he counted as one of mine. What?! I looked at him and said "You don't HAVE two picks. I have four. And right now you're lucky I'm choosing you." He got all hang-dog about it and wanted his sister (who I adore, but don't want there regardless) in the room. Finally I just snapped and said "Fine - we'll put YOU flat on your back with your knees pulled up under your chin, a glaring spotlight on your genitals, and a massive foreign object pushing its way out of one of your orifices and the I get to pick a few people to come watch, including my sister. Sound fun?"

That shut him up REAL fast.

The fact is, it is YOUR body on display, YOUR body doing the work, and YOU who needs to feel comfortable, safe, and as relaxed as possible for things to go smoothly. YOU are the one bringing this baby into the world, and it's a lot of work, and he needs to respect that it's your right to control how that happens (and who is there) as much as is possible. His mother does NOT have a "right" to be there. Especially because her "right" to be there would override YOUR right to be comfortable and in control of the environment. This is YOUR baby, not hers - YOUR body, not hers, and YOUR rights and desires trump hers in this situation.

And if she gives you grief, ask her how she'd like it if you tagged along to her next pelvic exam and stood by her ankles while they did a pap smear.
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  #16  
January 23rd, 2013, 09:45 AM
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 107
I have nobody in hospital with me other than my husband. Not even when I'm in labour, it's just me and him. I wish we didn't even need to tell people we were in labour, but we use both sets of parents for childcare when the time comes
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  #17  
January 23rd, 2013, 09:45 AM
Kalynas_Mom's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 830
I'd tell my DH to shove it where the sun doesn't shine about his opinion on it. I wouldn't allow ANYONE except my doula and DH in the room. DH politely asked me if MIL could bring me some magazines she bought me and I allowed that but she very quickly left. I made it very clear to everyone that they were not welcome to be there MIL and my mom waited outside and they were allowed to come in once I got cleaned up and DD was with me. That was fine. I don't understand why people feel entitled to be in the room, or why they care as long as they get to see the child after. I will however have my mom in the room this time. I was adopted so she has never seen a live birth and I know it would mean alot for her to be asked to be there.
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  #18  
January 23rd, 2013, 10:00 AM
MamaSkunk's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Minneapolis
Posts: 3,064
Ugh God I wouldnt want my mom or even my friends in there with me. DH and thats it. It is such a personal moment. Your in pain...sweating like a pig....usually stripped naked(yup you will do that yourself) and you will likely be grunting and screaming at everyone...the more thats in the the more people to get pissed at and irritated by. Not to mention your legs are up and hooha on display as you push something the size of a watermelon out of a hole the size of a lemon. I agree with asking your DH if he would want people to see his genitals on display etc.
And personally right after you have your baby you want to be holding that baby yourself instead of everyone passing baby back and forth...it will stress baby out too. I will let people come the next day only. And then they have to leave us alone for a good week or two after.
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  #19  
January 23rd, 2013, 10:02 AM
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 6,057
It is 100% your decision who you want in the delivery room with you. Your DH is not the one pushing a baby out of his privates so he gets no authority on this.

My own mother is not allowed in. Much less any in-law. Luckily my in laws are decent people and would never even dream of asking.
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  #20  
January 23rd, 2013, 11:07 AM
ashleykathleen's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 3,612
It is totally your call. No offense, but you are the only one giving birth. Not your DH, your MIL, your mother, or your friend. Just you. You should be the only one to decide that. Just my opinion...I have never had anyone other than DF in with me and never will.
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