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My son is a nightmare!


Forum: June 2013 Playroom

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  #1  
March 1st, 2013, 02:56 PM
MrsLat's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I love him to absolute pieces. He is my whole world but I am just at my whit's end! He is taking terrible two's to a whole new level! Yesterday we went to the mall and they have a play area that he was having a blast at. When it was time to go he threw such a huge tantrum I swore someone was going to think I was kindnapping him!

And seriously bath time has become a constant battle. He just drops to the floor and starts kicking and screaming because he doesn't want to get in. I am so exhausted.

I am not a big spanker. But honestly, I have tried that a few times and he just LAUGHED. OMG So I don't think that is the route to go. I never had this problem with Jocelyn, she was like a dream child during this time...

Does anyone have any awesome parenting tips to deal with this stage? Do they eventually grow out of it or am I doomed to have the worst behaved child forever? I am so embarrassed by his tantrums I just feel like I can't go anywhere. It is so depressing!

Ugh *cry*
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  #2  
March 1st, 2013, 03:05 PM
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I wish I did. Hugs Hun!
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  #3  
March 1st, 2013, 03:48 PM
MarylandMama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I can give you a few suggestions. I deal with problem behavior for a living and use these strategies with my own 2 year old. For something like the mall play area, give warning a couple of minutes in advance when it's getting close to time to go and have some sort of transition plan so the fun doesn't end abruptly. Something like a favorite snack or a favorite toy that stays hidden until it's time to go, a reason to want to come to you even though what he is doing is a lot of fun.

For bath time, you can also try a transition item, like a new bath toy and try to make the bath as fun as possible. Run the water before you take him in and fill it with bubbles and toys and good things. Make it as reinforcing a time as possible.

The key to preventing the problem behavior and getting the behavior you want is to present all of the fun and reinforcing items BEFORE the behavior starts and not offering good things after the behavior starts. If he goes into the problem behavior, physically prompt him to do what you are telling him to do without responding to the behavior. Once he calms down from the behavior and has stayed calm for 30 secs to a minute, start introducing fun things to show him that doing what you want him to do means fun. So awesome things for doing what you want without behavior, no attention and no good things when he is having the behavior.

This is not a quick fix. It will likely take time and the behavior may get worse at first before it gets better. But if you stick with it, it should be really effective. Hope this helps!
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  #4  
March 1st, 2013, 03:54 PM
MrsLat's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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It is okay Lyndsey!

Karen--that is fantastic advice. Thank you very much. I will definitely try that. I am crossing my fingers it works and this stage passes. It is so frustrating!!
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  #5  
March 1st, 2013, 04:06 PM
MarylandMama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I hope it's helpful. If you have any questions about any of the stuff I said, let me know. And keep me posted on how things are. I really hope they get better!
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  #6  
March 1st, 2013, 05:35 PM
ashleykathleen's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Do we have the same child???

My daughter was a piece of cake. Kiefer, on the other hand, is defiant, stubborn, and sometimes just downright mean. Don't get me wrong, I love him to death. But he is constantly pushing me to my breaking point.

I have found that a lot of what Karen said does work if you stick with it. It is not an overnight fix but if you are consistent and don't give into even one tantrum, you will see a change. These little guys are a lot smarter than we give them credit for. They will throw a fit 5 times if there is a chance it will get them what they want even 1 time.

How old is your son exactly and how are his communicating skills? I have found that over the last month or so, Kiefer has starting really being able to express himself a lot better. It seems the better he can communicate what he wants, the less intense the meltdowns are....at least for us. Hugs! I totally feel your pain!
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  #7  
March 1st, 2013, 06:17 PM
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B1 turned 2 in Dec and we have to give him a solid transition. "we are leaving for MayMay's in 5 min". "as soon as I put my purse and your milk in the car, we are leaving". Time to go, we are going to MayMay's now. This is really important if we deviate from our routine, even if it is something he likes, we transition him.

100% consistency is also important (and freaking hard). You and DH need to be consonant in what is allowed s what is not.

Terrible 2's are tough. There are some days that I swear if I weren't already knocked up, he would be annoy child!
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  #8  
March 1st, 2013, 07:01 PM
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Just want to offer hugs. This is all great advice. My DD is not too bad about transitions but has her own other issues I have really enjoyed the parenting articles at handinhandparenting.org and they have some specific ones about whining and tantrums. Hope it gets easier soon!!!!
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  #9  
March 1st, 2013, 09:44 PM
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My son's tantrums all revolve around food. I knew this was going to be our issue from day 1. The boy LOVED the boob. Absolutely obsessed! You could set your watch by his feeding screams.

If he *thinks* he's hungry he'll freak if he sees food...even if his stomach is as hard as a rock from eating! I absolutely cannot take him to the grocery store unless he just had a big meal. Lately I've been trying to feed him a snack before going into the store or taking in a snack with us (though I don't like doing that last one). Sometimes it works and other times it only seems to make the problem worse.

When we are making his food he will hang on my leg and scream and cry bloody murder and will inevitably get so worked up he starts tripping on things and running into corners. I've tried singing songs to him, giving him fun things to do (crayons, etc), keeping his meals simple, etc. But he's an absolute tyrant! When he starts to whine I put him on his time out spot. I spank him if he gets up from it but he's figured out after the first few whacks that they don't hurt (they're on top of his clothing and diaper). I don't actually want to hurt him! He's just a baby! But I suppose the time is coming for getting the back of his legs. I remember when I was a kid that shocked me more than anything, just because it was actual skin contact.
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  #10  
March 1st, 2013, 11:19 PM
MrsLat's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ashleykathleen View Post
Do we have the same child???

My daughter was a piece of cake. Kiefer, on the other hand, is defiant, stubborn, and sometimes just downright mean. Don't get me wrong, I love him to death. But he is constantly pushing me to my breaking point.

I have found that a lot of what Karen said does work if you stick with it. It is not an overnight fix but if you are consistent and don't give into even one tantrum, you will see a change. These little guys are a lot smarter than we give them credit for. They will throw a fit 5 times if there is a chance it will get them what they want even 1 time.

How old is your son exactly and how are his communicating skills? I have found that over the last month or so, Kiefer has starting really being able to express himself a lot better. It seems the better he can communicate what he wants, the less intense the meltdowns are....at least for us. Hugs! I totally feel your pain!
My son is 28 months. Turned 2 on September 18th. His communication skills are still lacking. We had a reeeeeally hard time weaning him on the binky and we finally got rid of that a few weeks ago. His communication is starting to improve after so I am hoping that will help!

Quote:
Originally Posted by zkat View Post
B1 turned 2 in Dec and we have to give him a solid transition. "we are leaving for MayMay's in 5 min". "as soon as I put my purse and your milk in the car, we are leaving". Time to go, we are going to MayMay's now. This is really important if we deviate from our routine, even if it is something he likes, we transition him.

100% consistency is also important (and freaking hard). You and DH need to be consonant in what is allowed s what is not.

Terrible 2's are tough. There are some days that I swear if I weren't already knocked up, he would be annoy child!
I am going to work harder on telling him that we are leaving in 5 minutes, that sort of thing. That is something I am not good about. Also DH is getting frustrated a lot and he is having a hard time being consistent so we need to get on the same page. We had a long talk about it tonight so hopefully that will help. I can TOTALLY relate to the "if I wasn't already pregnant, sometimes I swear I wouldn't do this again" sentiment!
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  #11  
March 1st, 2013, 11:37 PM
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Katelynn is very very difficult right now. She told me yesterday I was no longer her mommy because I was the meaniest mommy on the planet. So she packed her dance bag to move to grandmas. All equipped with her Polly pocket storage box, dream lite, and a clock. she said that's all she needs to live with grandma forever. I went along with it I was so frustrated with her and dealing with a 2 hour meltdown from Everett. I'm kinda glad I went along because today she was amazing, now I don't know if it was from yesterday or if she got more sleep or what but I felt like I had a different child. Now she is 4 not 2. So it's different but sometimes I feel like she is 2/3 all over again.
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  #12  
March 2nd, 2013, 01:43 AM
ashleykathleen's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Valerie.June2013 View Post
My son is 28 months. Turned 2 on September 18th. His communication skills are still lacking. We had a reeeeeally hard time weaning him on the binky and we finally got rid of that a few weeks ago. His communication is starting to improve after so I am hoping that will help!
Kiefer just turned 2 in November so we aren't far behind ya! We just got rid of his paci for good in January so we are almost 2 months solid of no paci at all. Maybe that's what it is because it had literally just been within the last month or so that I've noticed him being able to string many more words together and being able to express more complex ideas. Hang in there!

I should record one of Kiefer's tantrums for you...it would make you feel so much better. I always feel like I'm "that parent" that I used to talk crap about when he does it in public. When he gets a really good tantrum going he will scream, throw himself on the floor, hit, kick, and sometimes even bite (I've been popping him gently on the mouth for that one so it is thankfully on the decline). Pretty much he turns into demon child during his tantrums.
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  #13  
March 2nd, 2013, 06:35 AM
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As someone with a 10 and 8 year old - the only advice I can offer. 1) Be consistent. 2) They do outgrow it People thought I was overly strict with our kids. It pays off. I never hit them. However, there were rules. I never removed items from our coffee and end tables. They knew the rules. No toys on the tables. Now this took 1 gazillion reminders. Kinda funny though when your kids reminder other kids "not to place anything on the tables." I just wanted our kids to be able to go to other people's homes when we wanted to go. We traveled lots with our kids and so they needed to listen. That said, we had out days of complete melt downs. COMPLETE. In an odd way it helped that our eldest has Aspergers. As therapy we needed to be consistent and strict. When he hated to touch anything (refused tactiles) we started art class. When he had tantrums around other children, we started Gymboree class. I recall sitting in corners while he had his tantrums. Once ingored for a good 10 minutes, the tantrums would end. It takes a long time. It does get better. Today I can take our kids anywhere. When they go to a friend's house, I know they will behave (generally - they are kids).
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  #14  
March 2nd, 2013, 07:14 AM
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My DD2 has been a nightmare at times too and extremely clingy. She's 2.5 exactly right now. A couple of days ago she was mad at me for not getting her what she wanted RIGHT THEN and walked up and slapped me right in the belly and then did it again later bc she was mad at her brother and wanted me to handle him right that second.

She's definitely trying out her boundaries with me and she's a very strong willed child.

I really have no advice, I'm just commiserating. I do give her a smack on the bum as needed but usually I just need to use a stern voice. However, she's not one to do the public meltdowns. But she does have a tendency to act too hyper and try to stand up in the shopping cart (btw, why are so many stores cutting their seat-belts now?!?) I have to whisper in her ear to cut it out or their will be consequences. Sometimes saying that I'll tell her daddy works. The kids hate to disappoint him.

And I'm not saying this is the most effective way to discipline bc I'm 100% sure it's not but I send mine to their rooms or bed after a few chances. They can't stand to lose their freedom to roam or to *gasp* have to take a nap to regenerate. I say: "You're acting too crazy, you must be tired, go take a nap". Sometimes it works and other times it doesn't.

I like the other suggestions though. Maybe I could find a way to utilize them. GL!
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  #15  
March 2nd, 2013, 07:47 AM
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My DD is alot like Kiefer....shes 8 days older so i swear its a scorpio thing. Im lucky she was never a binky child. But she DOES talk your ear off and has a huge vocabulary and that hasnt really improved things any. The potty with her for example is a huge frustrating thing for me. One day she will be great and want to go three times in one day. Then she will refuse to go for days on the potty. And thats only pee. Shes only pooped on the potty maybe a handful of times. She KNOWS when shes going but she hides or tells me while shes actually already pooing(no the naked thing doesnt work....nor just switching her to panties...and im not about to strip her down and transfer her to the potty midpoo) She is just soooi stubborn and my DD (being a scorpio and two) wants to be in control of everything. Transistions when leaving result in her just running away from me and hiding....so not fun to be preg and chasing and trying to dig a two year old out from whatever hiding place shes chosen. Meltdowns happen over the stupidest things for my DD. Getting dressed. Or having her diaper changed. Its become a nightmare as she was such an easy baby. I think Im certifiable for having another lol when she gets out of the twos and threes....then Tristan will be turning two. And repeat the whole process. Ugh.
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