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No, I'm not retaining water - I just have fat ankles.


Forum: June 2013 Playroom

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  • 2 Post By kit.kat.81
  • 2 Post By eshute

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  #1  
March 2nd, 2013, 09:07 AM
Joanne Nicole's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Mississauga, Ontario
Posts: 1,037
Mean grandparent rant.

Every time my Grandmum sees me, she comments on my ankles and tells me I must be retaining water. If my Grandmum was sweet and doting like most people's grandparents, I'd just take this as her concern for my health. But she's not sweet and doting. She's the most critical person I've ever met, and most of the time she's just flat out mean. We all put up with her "because she's old" but sometimes I just want to tell her to leave me alone! She told me this morning that I can't have any birthday cake (MY birthday cake) tonight at our family dinner, because I'm fat enough already. She also has told me that the picture from my 3d ultrasound looks like a roasted chicken, and regardless of what the technician said she knows I'm pregnant with a boy because of how fat I'm carrying and I obviously didn't carry Fiona like that. (I carried exactly the same way, I wasn't living here at the time and she never saw me when I was pregnant with Fiona.) I've always had big ankles and calves. Even at my skinniest as a bulimic teenager (brought on by a fat-phobic family) I could never fit into skinny jeans or high boots, and I have big ankles. I always have, I always will. All the women from my mom's side of the family do. She constantly tells me that it was stupid of me to get pregnant while obese and that my back pain is my own fault because of my weight. She's told me that I'll probably end up having a c-section because the baby will be huge just like Fiona (who was born at home with no complications, weighing 7 lbs 15 oz.)

I know I started this pregnancy overweight. But I'm 50 lbs less than I was in my first pregnancy, and I've only gained 5 lbs and I'm almost 7 months pregnant! She's just so mean!

And it's not just the weight stuff - although that's her biggest critique with me. She plays games like Go Fish or Old Maid with Fiona - you know, her great-grandaughter - and then rubs it in her face that she won and Fiona lost. I'm not saying she should let Fiona win, we've taught her that it's ok to lose at games. But she's so mean about it! And heaven forbid, she loses a game...she's the poorest loser ever. She gets all pissy and demands that someone drive her home.

Ok. Rant over. I usually just try to put up with my Grandmum, but the birthday cake comment this morning really set me off and hurt my feelings.
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  #2  
March 2nd, 2013, 09:22 AM
Hopeful2BMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I have big calves too... most boots never fit my legs.
You eat that birthday cake tonight, girl!
Don't let your mean, old granny get you down
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Delight yourself in the LORD, and He will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4
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  #3  
March 2nd, 2013, 09:51 AM
kit.kat.81's Avatar Veteran
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If it were me I would probably say something snarky like "Well, I may be heavy, but I can lose weight - there's no diet in the world to make you less old and bitter."

But seriously, I'm sorry. She sounds like my grandma somewhat. Sort of toxic and insecure. You're beautiful and perfect and you have ll the dang cake you want!
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  #4  
March 2nd, 2013, 09:58 AM
navywifey2003's Avatar Home Birth Mama
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Ugh rude! Hugs Hun! That is mean!
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  #5  
March 2nd, 2013, 10:17 AM
Rochelle
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She's acting very childish IMHO. Is she that abusive to everyone or has she targeted you? I'm sorry, that's so wrong on so many levels.
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  #6  
March 2nd, 2013, 10:43 AM
Joanne Nicole's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Mississauga, Ontario
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She's mean to everyone, but she seems to particularly dislike me. She actually treats me a lot like she treated my mom before my parents divorced. She always hated my mom. Even though I'm nothing like my mom, I think I'm just a bad reminder of her. She also told me once when I was a teenager that I look a lot like her own mother. At the time I thought she was complimenting me, but then I found out as an adult that her mother sent her away to a convent when she was 5 years old and she passionately hated her.
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  #7  
March 2nd, 2013, 10:46 AM
Rochelle
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Just HUGS! You're a saint for being so nice to her.
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  #8  
March 2nd, 2013, 11:50 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Joanne Nicole View Post
She's mean to everyone, but she seems to particularly dislike me. She actually treats me a lot like she treated my mom before my parents divorced. She always hated my mom. Even though I'm nothing like my mom, I think I'm just a bad reminder of her. She also told me once when I was a teenager that I look a lot like her own mother. At the time I thought she was complimenting me, but then I found out as an adult that her mother sent her away to a convent when she was 5 years old and she passionately hated her.
Good lord. What a sad, bitter, mean old lady I almost feel sorry for her, but it is hard to have much sympathy for such a vicious person! I am sorry hun and I agree, you are a saint for putting up with her. Hugs!!!

My friend's grandma was really mean sometimes but in THE MOST passive aggressive way... unbelievable. Whereas your grandma is just aggressive. But this one would act all sweet lil old lady and then just say these backhanded things and bat her eyes and it was like WTH??? Like before my friend's wedding, her mom came back from getting her hair done and the grandma said "where did you go? I thought you were going to get your hair done!" Like implying her hair didn't look good... And triggered a massive meltdown. I literally caught her smirking to herself as her own daughter was almost in tears!!! Very creepy. Anyway, mean old ladies, yeah. It happens. I plan to do all I can to avoid turning into one
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  #9  
March 2nd, 2013, 03:25 PM
MarylandMama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I'm sorry! I can truly sympathize. I had one beautiful, wonderful, sweet grandmother (Mom's mom) and Dad's mom is a nasty, bitter, angry old woman who likes to make others miserable. I have not spoken to her since we visited her in FL in May. She started saying nasty stuff about my mom, I told her to cut it out, that I wouldn't put up with it, she didn't and when I went to leave the house, she got physical with me. We immediately packed all of our things, left her house, and spent the rest of our trip there in a hotel. I just decided I can't deal with that kind of person in my life and I can't put DH or my kids in that position either. I was willing to tip toe around the crazy, but I draw the line at my mom (who is a saint!) and getting physical is a total deal breaker. So I don't know if I will ever talk to her again.

It sounds to me like you are a lovely and forgiving person to put up with the way she treats you. If she wants to be nasty like that, I would let her be lonely. And even if you were morbidly obese, she has no right to say such cruel things to you.

And I hope you got to enjoy a big, fat, moist, and delicious piece of birthday cake in your favorite flavor with gobs of fantastic icing! Happy birthday!
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Last edited by MarylandMama; March 2nd, 2013 at 03:27 PM. Reason: posted the same thing twice
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  #10  
March 2nd, 2013, 06:45 PM
QueenCrafty's Avatar Courtney
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Location: North Carolina
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I can't believe the birthday cake comment. Awful!! I hope you cut yourself a big piece and ate the whole thing right in front of her with a smile on your face. I'm sorry you have such a toxic family member in your life
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  #11  
March 3rd, 2013, 07:15 AM
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Sometimes you have to burn a few bridges to keep the crazies from following you. Blood or not.
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  #12  
March 3rd, 2013, 07:22 AM
eshute's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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That's awful! Want to know something? My pre-pregnancy weight was 300lbs. I know I've mentioned that I'm pretty heavy in other posts, but I know I haven't said how heavy. Want to know something else? My ankles are the only part of my body that are NOT fat. Until now. I'm sorry that your grandmother thinks it's her place to say these things to you (or anyone, for that matter), but I'm going to guess she wasn't exactly a beauty queen while she was pregnant, either. I've been really saddened and angered by some of the things I've seen people mention that they've been told by family and friends while they're pregnant. You're growing a human being and you're healthy, that's all that matters right now. You're beautiful no matter what, overweight, skinny, middle of the road. Don't let anyone make you feel differently.
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