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Oh, DH *sigh* venting


Forum: June 2013 Playroom

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  • 1 Post By crawmommy

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  #1  
March 9th, 2013, 10:35 AM
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Location: Cincinnati, OH
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So we started cloth diapering our son. The whole time I was researching cloth diapers and looking for deals I kept telling my DH to do his own research into the different systems so that he would be just as prepared. He kept saying he would. A friend even bought us a book on it and I would leave it out for him at night.

I should have known better because he never researches anything. Like when we were expecting our son I kept telling him to read the new mommy/daddy books so that he got some idea of what to expect and how to cope with it. DH said that babies "cry, eat, sleep, and poop. What else is there to know?". He never did. Baby came home and cried a whole lot. DH quickly became overwhelmed and, well, angry. On the first night home the baby cried and cried and DH's reaction was "SHUT THAT BABY UP!" and told me to just close the door and ignore the baby because he needs to learn that this behavior was unacceptable. We had a lot of nasty fights in the beginning before he woke up and finally realized that a newborn was not a 12 year old kid and he should be the one to shut up. Things have gotten loads better since those early days but just thinking about them and DH's behavior still makes me see red.

ANYWAY. So, now we're using cloth on our kid. Guess who is confused about how to do everything and is getting mad? He wouldn't watch the youtube videos on how to put the prefolds on or the covers. He didn't know what to do with the snappis. The snap down function to fix the rise is too complex. He didn't understand the liners. Washing and caring for the covers/prefolds completely baffles him. When he puts the prefolds on our son he does them completely wrong and leaves a bunch of material sticking out and it soaks through Alex's clothing.

Today he did a fold down in the front and the back with the liner all tucked up front instead of where poop would normally be found and then got mad saying the whole thing was stupid and ridiculous and why the hell did we do this anyway? And so on making remarks on *my* choice. I had to remind him rather harshly that I did ask him if he wanted to spend a bit extra to get pocket diapers instead and he told me that he wanted the cheapest option because he wanted to save money promptly. Well, this is the cheapest option honey. So guess what? It's more work. But it's more work for me because I'm the one doing all the trimming, fitting, making doublers, sewing fitted diapers, etc (which I get a ton of grief for because it requires purchasing materials). He only has to figure out how to tuck a bit of cotton behind an elastic band! And I did warn him that there will be a week or two of frustration as we work out all the kinks and make the adjustment.

It just utterly pisses me off because he always says "Do what you think is best; I trust your judgment" and then when I do that he inevitably has a problem with it. So, to me, it's either get actively involved in the decision making process or forever keep your yap shut if anything happens that you don't like.

The system works fine for me, btw. Especially since I've figured out why the front of the cover/diaper is sitting so bulky on Alex and creates a big ol' gap. It was the rise. 2 seconds and fixed. Much more smooth.
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  #2  
March 9th, 2013, 10:41 AM
MarylandMama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I'm sorry. That sucks. Lately, I've also found myself thinking, "Ugh, men!" I hope he gets it together and quick!
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  #3  
March 9th, 2013, 10:47 AM
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I just want him to not put the blame on me when he gets frustrated. Next time I will tell him that if he doesn't like it then he can fix it. Research what needs to be done and then put in the hours to sew the prefolds into inserts or whatever.
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  #4  
March 10th, 2013, 07:09 AM
D&K's_mama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Ugh Men!!I dont think no matter how much we want them to understand our perspective on things they just dont! Guess we just have to get to a point to just let things go and do it ourselves! Having 3 kids now and going on 4 I've just learned to deal with how dh deals with things, may not always be the way I deal with or see it but oh well.. He is alot more calm and helpful with the baby this time then he was when we had our first two, he is a great dad, he just gets so frustrated and wants everything to be "easy" well with kids things just arent always easy and u gotta except that!!! But I can totally understand your frustration!
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  #5  
March 10th, 2013, 08:56 AM
navywifey2003's Avatar Home Birth Mama
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Hugs Hun! Would you showing him be better? I know my husband is t a researcher either so a few times of me showing him was all it took. Hopefully he gets it down soon.
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  #6  
March 10th, 2013, 09:35 AM
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I can relate on dh acting like a duuf except my dh says he wont cd at all even after me showing hin how east it really is...he just shuts down. But newsflash we are gonna be broke especially with his hours being cut and unless he wants to clean sh it up from the floor he will use cloth diapers! I think for sanity it is just better sometimes to show them what to do instead of expecting them to do in on their own...sad but true! Hugs eventually he will realize you are right and get with the program!
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  #7  
March 10th, 2013, 10:06 AM
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Ugh, I have showed him several times. I've showed him on dolls and on Alex. Last time he accused me of changing how i do it each time *rolls eyes*. I've just been leaving him alone now.

I'm working hard sewing t-shirt fitted diapers. They don't look super fancy nice but they function and make changing the baby much easier. I have 2 made, 1 halfway done and 2 more waiting to be started.
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  #8  
March 10th, 2013, 10:16 AM
Rochelle
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Hugs!

I don't have any advice bc it's the opposite here. DH was the one who introduced ME to CDing and I have been the one to rebel out of laziness or what-have-you. It's all the extra diaper changes that have been the bane of my existence. Also, I don't have as good of technique when putting them on, DH has stronger fingers so he gets them on more snuggly so they don't fall down. However, that was more-so the case when we were using PF's with diaper pins. Now that we have the Snappis, I am not as bad.

Anyways, I'm coming around and always get re-inspired with a new baby and new CD goodies in the mail. But when the work of it hits me, I struggle.

Also, I find CDing a toddler far more annoying than a newborn personally. They squirm around and are starting to toilet-train and their poops are much grosser. Maybe he will do much better with the new baby than with the toddler. GL!!
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