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Forum: June 2013 Playroom

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  • 1 Post By Kim3
  • 1 Post By MamaSkunk
  • 1 Post By MarylandMama

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  #1  
March 16th, 2013, 02:25 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 528
I have kind of disappeared from here and it has not been on purpose. I just have mostly been lurking because I have a lot of things going on in my life right now and I think I am feeling anxious, depressed, overwhelmed. My house is a mess right now and my boyfriend hasn't done a thing all week to help clean while I have been at work and I am just really f*&cking annoyed. So annoyed that I tried to sleep in my daughter's room last night but he brought me back in our room and told me not to sleep in her room. It's not just about the mess though.. EVERYTHING is annoying me. He can be so moody and he sent me a link about marriage in the US yesterday while I was at work and it was actually a very interesting report about mothers in their 20s being unstable and that it's best to marry, etc. and I thought it was a hint that he was becoming more serious about actually getting married and not talking about it.. I asked him about it and he said he sent it for the first 30 seconds of it... where the reporter talked about how most men and women get married when women are 27 and men are 29.... my boyfriend will be 27 in July and we have been together for 6 years... so apparently he's talking smack giving me the impression that I need to wait two more years for a ring? idiot. I don't even give a crap at this point I am so frustrated.

Anyway, my daughter finished up her evaluation on March 1 and I am waiting on the full report in the mail. Her nana had to take her because I had to work but her nana gave me a summary as did the evaluator. She apparently has improved immensely from her December visit and she said a lot of interesting things like that evaluators go by what children will do at the time of evaluation and the truth is my daughter is independent stubborn you name it she does what she wants when she wants... at first she said she didn't want to do what was asked of her and then the evaluator pulled out some craisens (sp?) and Chloe then did every single thing that was asked. I do use rewarding at home sometimes so that made some sense. The only thing that isn't working so well is potty training STILL because she says she doesn't want to use the potty and she wants her diapers.. UGH. Anyway, it would take me a long time to write everything that was said but the gist of it was that the evaluator did see some autistic tendencies in Chloe, however that she sees how smart Chloe is and she is verbal and everything. The evaluator said she firmly believes that it's behavioral and that with intense ABA/behavioral therapy, she truly believes that Chloe will "grow out of it" by the time she is in kindergarten or 1st grade...

and she wants to see Chloe back in one year after Chloe has received some behavioral intervention to see if Chloe tests off of the spectrum.. I am just so confused.. I don't think autism is something you "grow out of" and I am just at a loss for words because there is absolutely no history of this in my family (or his that I know of) and none of my 6 other nieces/nephew have this... it doesn't change the way I feel about her she is my LIFE and I love her more than anything! If God were to say here I will give you a NT child but it won't be Chloe I would say NEVER... I have done a lot of research and I understand a whole lot now but I am just feeling devastated because I have no choice right now but to have medicaid (for the first time ever ) because my work doesn't offer insurance and aba/behavioral therapy is not covered and there is no way I can afford it out of pocket.. I do my best to work with her but I am not trained. I just feel so sad all the time and helpless/hopeless because it's my fault that she isn't getting what she needs.. I spend most of my time online researching for her.. my life is just a mess cause I feel like such a bad parent and like where is my life going??

I also don't feel as though there has been any planning at all for this baby and he will just come and it will be like just another day, "oh look baby is here" and just move along.. and I am terrified something will be going on with him if something is going on with Chloe.. I just gotta do my best for my babies, that's all I can do. I just have so many plans and ambitions and I feel so weighed down. I have two bachelors degrees of which I cannot use right now because who is going to hire a pregnant girl.. and even so after pregnancy with the kids being so little.. I honestly just wanna get my cna and go back to school for nursing asap because that seems like a better option as being a family friendly job. I grew up just knowing I was going to be in entertainment/tv reporting and this is just not what's happening even though I know I could do big things. I think I'm just in a funk.. and I know I need to clean the house but if you ladies could see it you'd understand why I am putting it off it is disgusting...

My last appt. was on March 7 and everything went fine.. but my doctor has not been measuring me this time around?? I don't know what's up with that. BP was fine, weight was out of control.. 10 more pounds gained :...( , fetal heart rate was good.. I have my 1 hour glucose test at my next appointment on April 4. I am just ready for this pregnancy to be over. I'd rather have the baby here than be pregnant. Everyone tells me "oh honey enjoy your pregnancy since you want it to be your last." oh yea.. it's really joyful becoming so large I feel disabled, so nauseous, headaches, backaches, braxton hicks, just all around feeling not good at all.. not exercising, horrible diet, not enough water because I am afraid of tap water... my boyfriend not being attracted to me, the list goes on and on...just done with it completely. I really want a glass of wine or champagne and to get my nails done. That's what I need. Anyway, I hope you ladies are feeling better than I am. I just have not been feeling right and I cannot sleep no matter how sleepy I am. Come on June! Sorry to be such a downer in here. I am really excited to have my baby in my arms.. I just can't relate in actually having a good pregnancy process and enjoying it. xxoo

Last edited by pamela.burke611; March 16th, 2013 at 02:33 PM.
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  #2  
March 16th, 2013, 03:13 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 2,153
Just wanted to say that I know how you feel to some degree with the first part. Our eldest was diagnosed with PPD-NOS at 22 months. The diagnosed then became Aspergers. Truth is that they will never "grow out of it." It is a lifelong disability. (How I hate that word disability as I do not think of our child that way. He has so many abilities). That said they can make huge improvements to the extent that the majority of people just find them quirky. I am a proponent of ABA therapy. We did it all. Speech, OT, PT, etc. We had a therapist with him 30 hours per week.

As for Medicaid - do not be ashamed. My husband and I each have professional jobs. We pay lots for health insurance. However, it excludes the therapy our son needs. Therefore, he has Medicaid as a backup. It was hard for me to accept at first. Then you learn to do what you need to for your child. In reality, through taking the Medicaid we saved the taxpayers loads of money. By using it, our child obtained the care he needed from age 2-5. He then was able to attend school without any special accomodations. He is top in his class. One day instead of being disabled he will have a good job and pay taxes. His job is likely to be as an engineer (those with kids with Asperger will understand ). My husband and I work full time and pay plenty of taxes. Yes we leaned on the system as a gap to get him what he needed. However, the payoff is extraordinary.

It is a lot of work. When the therapist was done with what she did (hours per day), we picked up on the rest. It was likely 24 hour therapy. Everything had a purpose. Making cookies with hands in the dough to get over tactile avoidance, running cars though shaving cream, reading to encourage proper talking, classification games to understand relationship, gym class to help with coordination. The good part is that I could do it with him - so we were having quality time together. Life is different from that with "normal" children.

And yes - an extra little wine here and there after the kids go to bed is sometimes needed.
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  #3  
March 16th, 2013, 04:52 PM
MamaSkunk's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Minneapolis
Posts: 3,064
I dont have much to add about your DDs testing that Kim didnt already say. But again medicaid is nothing to be ashamed of.
As far as your boyfriend he still sounds like a royal jerk. And as far as that article I am sorry but thats just a convenient excuse as if he was a decent standup guy he would be offering marriage after six years to the pregnant mother of his soon to be child. Ugh I am so sorry hun that your going thru all this. Man if I knew you in real life i would rip your BF a new one for how he treats you.
Hugs hun. PM me if you need to talk.
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  #4  
March 16th, 2013, 06:32 PM
MarylandMama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Maryland, near DC
Posts: 1,145
I am so sorry you are going through so much! Big hug! I have to agree that autism isn't something a kid will "grow out of." I think that's a stupid thing to say. BUT, with that said, ABA is amazing if you have someone who is good. I do ABA and one of the kids that I worked with in 2011 only had 2 words when we started (he was 2 and a half). Lots of problem behaviors, very clearly on the spectrum. I was only able to work with them for a short period of time because they had a move out of state planned before his diagnosis. I threw a lot of my time into training his mom. She emailed me just last week to tell me that in his most recent evaluation, he no longer qualifies for a diagnosis of autism and will be entering kindergarten with no supports. Maybe this kind of thing is what people mean by "grow out of it." But he didn't grow out if it. He received the intervention that he needed, from me first and continued around the clock by his mother, and overcame his obstacles. I have seen this happen only a couple of times in the many years I have been with kids with autism. It does sound like Chloe is pretty mildly effected, so I would imagine, with the right therapists, she will do very well.

As for feeling like pregnancy sucks, preach it, sister! I love my daughter and I can't wait to have this baby, but I HATE being pregnant. I hope you can find some time to take for yourself to relax soon to take the edge off. And maybe have a serious talk with your boyfriend about being there for you more and helping out. It sounds like there is entirely too much stress falling on your shoulders. More hugs! Hang in there!
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  #5  
March 18th, 2013, 06:27 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 528
thank you guys for your advice and support! My bf is honestly the love of my life and I really don't mean him to sound so heartless because he isn't lol but yes I let him know when he needs to step up more and he has been helping more

As far as medicaid goes, I am not ashamed of it. I work full-time even overtime when I can and I have been working since I was 17, paying taxes, being a productive member of society and I always had great insurance up until after graduating college. I just happened to be forced to have the medicaid currently because my job does not offer insurance at the moment. I can't wait to have this baby so that I can hopefully get better insurance so I can get more therapies for my daughter. My problem with medicaid is that, where I live, medicaid does not cover the type of therapy my daughter needs and so that is why I feel helpless because until I can get that therapy I need ideas on what I can do to work with her. That's all

p.s. it also angers me to fall into the medicaid ballpit because I get stereotyped with the morons who abuse the system and use it as their way through life. Makes me so mad but that's another issue lol
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  #6  
March 18th, 2013, 06:34 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 528
Quote:
Originally Posted by MarylandMama View Post
I am so sorry you are going through so much! Big hug! I have to agree that autism isn't something a kid will "grow out of." I think that's a stupid thing to say. BUT, with that said, ABA is amazing if you have someone who is good. I do ABA and one of the kids that I worked with in 2011 only had 2 words when we started (he was 2 and a half). Lots of problem behaviors, very clearly on the spectrum. I was only able to work with them for a short period of time because they had a move out of state planned before his diagnosis. I threw a lot of my time into training his mom. She emailed me just last week to tell me that in his most recent evaluation, he no longer qualifies for a diagnosis of autism and will be entering kindergarten with no supports. Maybe this kind of thing is what people mean by "grow out of it." But he didn't grow out if it. He received the intervention that he needed, from me first and continued around the clock by his mother, and overcame his obstacles. I have seen this happen only a couple of times in the many years I have been with kids with autism. It does sound like Chloe is pretty mildly effected, so I would imagine, with the right therapists, she will do very well.

As for feeling like pregnancy sucks, preach it, sister! I love my daughter and I can't wait to have this baby, but I HATE being pregnant. I hope you can find some time to take for yourself to relax soon to take the edge off. And maybe have a serious talk with your boyfriend about being there for you more and helping out. It sounds like there is entirely too much stress falling on your shoulders. More hugs! Hang in there!
Since you do ABA for a living would it be terribly out of line for me to ask your advice for how I can work with my daughter until I can actually hopefully get her into an ABA program? I am also having a really really rough time with potty training. I feel like I've tried a million things and even the ideas for kids with autism and nothing works and she outright refuses and says she doesn't want to wear big girl underwear or sit on the potty, where before she would and the same with teeth brushing she was and now doesn't want to?? UGH!
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