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Advice.....sry if its TMI.


Forum: June 2013 Playroom

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  • 4 Post By sunnydaze

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  #1  
March 31st, 2013, 03:42 PM
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 44
I don't know if anyone else is experiencing this but heres my dilemma. Hopefully you ladies can give me some advice.

Warning...this might be a little TMI.



With this pregnancy I have had a low sex drive. With my other kids it was always opposite...I couldn't get enough. And normally its pretty high as well. So this is new for me.

Lately the "lack of sex" (even though we still do it at least once a week or so) is causing a strain in my relationship with my bf. He makes it like its something hes not doing right and no matter how many times and how many ways I try to explain it to him he just doesn't seem to understand my point of view (which he never will cause hes never been pregnant and isn't a woman lol)

Im starting to feel very pressured by him cause hes constantly nagging me about it.

I hope im not the only one dealing with a low sex drive and hopefully someone else understands what its like. Cause I cant talk to him about it without him making it all about him and his insecurities.

Ive even gone as far as to search it online to reassure him its "normal" in pregnant women and that it isn't him. But no he doesn't wanna believe me. Then continues to throw things back in my face because he feels like hes "not good enough to satistify me"

We are having issues coming up with a compromise over this situation. (I'll admit we are BOTH stubborn lol). I feel like he needs to be more understanding and patient....he feels like I should just suck it up and give it to him whenever hes in the mood just to make sure hes happy.

Im just kinda sick of the same old argument almost everyday.....its getting old and nothing being accomplished by it.

Last edited by DanielleH313; March 31st, 2013 at 04:57 PM.
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  #2  
March 31st, 2013, 05:44 PM
QueenCrafty's Avatar Courtney
Join Date: May 2007
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 25,860
I'm sorry!! My second pregnancy I had a pretty low drive, which continued well after the baby came. DH and I had some communication issues as well, so the two together was pretty hard on our marriage. You are right, it is normal. I wish he was more accepting of that answer. Is a compromise something that would work? Even if I wasn't in the mood I would still go along with it once a week. Would he be willing to lay off the pressure if you compromised on how often?
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  #3  
March 31st, 2013, 07:32 PM
MarylandMama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Maryland, near DC
Posts: 1,145
I'm so sorry, that really sucks. I haven't had that issue this time around, but with DD, I think we had sex maybe 4 times up until the end when we went at it like crazy trying to induce labor. But seriously, maybe 4 times in over 8 months. We had issues then, too. Not really about the sex, but our relationship wasn't in a good place, starting not long after I got pregnant. In your case, it sounds like your bf isn't feeling like you're attracted to him. Are there other things you can do for him to let him know that you are even though you're not in the mood for sex? Or make it really good when you do decide to have sex? Like put in extra effort with lingerie or something out of the ordinary? It may make it more fun for you, too. That's all I can come up with. Good luck!
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  #4  
March 31st, 2013, 08:08 PM
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Location: Cincinnati, OH
Posts: 1,834
My husband would be on the floor kissing my feet all day every day if I could guarantee that he had sex once a week. Do you know how long it has been for us? Months. And months.

Why? Because I'm very tired. I hurt everywhere. Every time I think sex would be a lot of fun the positioning of my legs and weight and pressure really ends things very fast. I mean, even just putting it in there is too much pressure (like if I'm on top). I can get into the mood but I can't stay in it long enough to gain anything from it.

I also can't stand to make out with him. This happened during my last pregnancy, too. He has an odor that literally turns my stomach. He can wash and do really any amount of cleanliness routines but it makes NO difference. He wants to cuddle me but I can't get into a good position. It is really very frustrating for him. And I understand that but it's worse if I try to pretend I'm into it and I'm really hurting or, well, sickened.

This ends, though. Once you have this baby and recover things will go back to normal.
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  #5  
April 1st, 2013, 05:24 AM
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 2,153
DH is currently happy with whatever he gets Perhaps it is due to the fact that we have been married for almost 14 years. Frequency of DTD changes throughout different times in life. Sometimes it is often and sometimes it well is there once in a while. Not sure on good advice on getting someone to understand this.
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  #6  
April 1st, 2013, 06:13 AM
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Near Washington DC
Posts: 1,174
I want to have sex but I can't physically right now. I pulled a groin muscle.

I don't want to like be blunt or crass, but....

Why not offer an oral favor? I gotta be honest, when I am not in the mood, just go down. Doesn't take long and you can get back to sleep quickly and he feels like a king LOL
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  #7  
April 1st, 2013, 10:07 AM
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 44
thank goodness im not the only one lol

I was starting to feel like I was some kind of freak not wanting it (when usually I want it a lot lol). Its just new and I don't really know how to handle it. its frustrating for me as well cause im not used to NOT wanting it lol

we talked a little last night about all this....I told him hes just gotta lay off and even found this one website that stated the more u nag and push the less the womens gonna want to. So ur kinda just defeating the purpose lol I think actually seeing it written somewhere else besides just me saying it made him realize what he was doing was effecting me in a negative way. when he didn't think it was.

i thought once a week would be fine....its not like we went from several times day to once a week. just narrowed it down a little. a few times a week to once a week maybe twice now. he still gets it pretty frequently. lol

ive suggested things like mutal massages, showers together, more foreplay type things, oral. but he just doesn't seem happy with that. its either all or nothing.

i was on my iphone the other day and found this app.....figured it would work to kinda help us both compromise cause it has different settings. Its kinda like this little foreplay/sex game type of thing. you spin the wheel and it tells ya what to do to ur partner. you can change the settings to where its more sexual or more foreplayish. so when im not in the mood i can set it for me and when he really wants it we can change it. or just keep it in the middle.

figured its a way to kinda spice things up and make sex more fun for me. kinda takes my mind off the pressure and pain and uncomfortableness. ill let ya know if it works lol
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  #8  
April 1st, 2013, 10:08 AM
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 44
thank goodness im not the only one lol

I was starting to feel like I was some kind of freak not wanting it (when usually I want it a lot lol). Its just new and I don't really know how to handle it. its frustrating for me as well cause im not used to NOT wanting it lol

we talked a little last night about all this....I told him hes just gotta lay off and even found this one website that stated the more u nag and push the less the womens gonna want to. So ur kinda just defeating the purpose lol I think actually seeing it written somewhere else besides just me saying it made him realize what he was doing was effecting me in a negative way. when he didn't think it was.

i thought once a week would be fine....its not like we went from several times day to once a week. just narrowed it down a little. a few times a week to once a week maybe twice now. he still gets it pretty frequently. lol

ive suggested things like mutal massages, showers together, more foreplay type things, oral. but he just doesn't seem happy with that. its either all or nothing.

i was on my iphone the other day and found this app.....figured it would work to kinda help us both compromise cause it has different settings. Its kinda like this little foreplay/sex game type of thing. you spin the wheel and it tells ya what to do to ur partner. you can change the settings to where its more sexual or more foreplayish. so when im not in the mood i can set it for me and when he really wants it we can change it. or just keep it in the middle.

figured its a way to kinda spice things up and make sex more fun for me. kinda takes my mind off the pressure and pain and uncomfortableness. ill let ya know if it works lol
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  #9  
April 1st, 2013, 11:48 AM
eshute's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Posts: 1,887
All I have to say is good luck!! I hope he comes to realize that it's simply something that happens.
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