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Irrational worry


Forum: June 2013 Playroom

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  • 1 Post By QueenCrafty
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  #1  
April 27th, 2013, 05:29 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 2,153
We are all hormonal and we all get them. What are your irrational worries. Here is one of mine (I admit I know it is irrational):

Here goes. My children are 8 and 10. DH and I have had such the little life with them. At the same time our second arrived, our first was diagnosed with PDD-NOS (which turned into Aspergers). Doctor said be prepared for a child who would live an adult life in a group home (stupid doctor). I made it a mission to prove him wrong. We got the best therapy for our son (30 hours a week) and the best part is that a child age 2 needs a parent to do the therapy with him to really make it effective. In a way, it made me so much closer to my child (and protective). This was my angel and no one better harm him - KWIM. DH and I each have good jobs (and my Mom and Dad watched my children when I work). While not rich - we always have what we need. In order to get away from stress, we travel with the kids. Take them to Disney almost yearly since our youngest turned 2 (literally the day after). We have had such fun at Disney, on cruises (with dolphin), done Atlantis, etc. It seems like we have already had a life. I have watched them go through school (finishing 2nd and 4th). I was able to be K-garten parent for our second. Here is the worry. How will I ever love this child like I love our first two children. I am so close to them and have not even seen her. Will I love her as much when she arrives as I love my other two. I know it will happen - although I think about it at times.
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  #2  
April 27th, 2013, 07:59 AM
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Location: Iowa
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Legit worry! I also at times think will the birth of these twins screw up everything we have going? Will dd end up hating us bc of these babies? We have had 4 1/2 years with just dd and life is good she is use to being the center of attention. I worry about her. How will i love these babies all equally? howvwill i have time for everyone including dh and myself? I know that everything will be fine but sometimes my mind wanders. I think in the end it will complete us and all my worries will seem so silly but it is very overwhelming...going from 1 to 3 overnight!!!
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  #3  
April 27th, 2013, 09:19 AM
TeresaV's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2012
Location: NY State
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I have never been a worrier, but lately I worry about catastrophic events, like DH getting in a car accident, one of us getting really sick...things like that. I hate worrying.
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  #4  
April 27th, 2013, 10:23 AM
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Oh, I definitely have this same worry! I felt so guilty after I found out I was pregnant again. It killed my supply so I couldn't breastfeed Alex anymore and that just broke my heart because it was so wonderful to just snuggle close a few times a day. And then he would ask for it and I would have to tell him "no" (it hurt!) and that just made me feel even more guilty.

Alex is such a handful and very demanding (as all toddlers are) and I worry about how our relationship will be impacted by the arrival of this one. My day begins and ends with him and it's hard to imagine sharing that time with anyone else.

What does make me feel better is that now that I'm getting closer to my due date (less than 5 more weeks, yay!) I'm starting to get all baby-dreamy. I'm excited to give birth and see my new baby. I'm excited to start nursing again. I'm excited to start being a SAHM and doing nothing but fun things (we'll just pretend that chores don't exist for now, lol).

I think what we all have to remember is that this new baby won't just have a relationship with us, they will also develop a relationship with their sibling. Time spent with the new baby doesn't necessarily mean time spent away from our older children. Eventually the new baby will smile and laugh and you KNOW the other siblings will just eat that right up. It will be wonderful to see them interact with each other.
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  #5  
April 27th, 2013, 11:01 AM
eshute's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I have always wanted to be a mom. Ever since I could remember as a little girl, I wanted to be a mommy someday. I am terrified that maybe I won't be a very good mother. I'm scared that the baby is going to get here and I'm simply not going to have a clue, maybe not have any connection with her at all. I'm scared that I won't want to be around her or that I'll just be annoyed every time she cries. I'm terrified that I've done something wrong during my pregnancy and she's going to come out deformed or with severe disabilities and it'll be my fault.

I know that all of these are irrational, but I can't help it.
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  #6  
April 27th, 2013, 11:30 AM
QueenCrafty's Avatar Courtney
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Location: North Carolina
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I'm scared that something will happen to this baby before he's born. I feel like I am so close and something is going to happen. I know it's irrational but it's still in the back of my mind. And then I'm afraid that he might end up being a girl. If I get all ready with boy clothes and get rid of all my girly stuff, then the u/s tech will have made a mistake and it ends up being a girl instead. I am a little worried about this baby fitting into our family. I'm not nervous about expanding the love, but how will his addition affect my 3 year old. Is she going to end up with the stereotypical middle child syndrome? I see how poorly my niece adjusted to her brother, and 16 months later it's no better. I don't want to go through that.
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  #7  
April 27th, 2013, 12:41 PM
Joanne Nicole's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Courtney, my biggest irrational fear is that my baby boy is going to turn out to be a girl! I keep envisioning them saying, "It's a girl!" in the delivery room, and then what would I do? I've got all the boy clothes and stuff, and the name picked out and I feel like I've bonded with my son already. I felt from the first day I knew I was pregnant that it was going to be a boy, and then when the ultrasound confirmed it, I was like, "I KNEW it!"...but then right after that I started freaking out about the technician being wrong and it being a girl. And since I haven't had a medical reason for another ultrasound, the only way to double-confirm would be to pay for another elective ultrasound and we just can't afford it right now.
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  #8  
April 27th, 2013, 06:27 PM
MarylandMama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by QueenCrafty View Post
I'm scared that something will happen to this baby before he's born. I feel like I am so close and something is going to happen. I know it's irrational but it's still in the back of my mind. And then I'm afraid that he might end up being a girl. If I get all ready with boy clothes and get rid of all my girly stuff, then the u/s tech will have made a mistake and it ends up being a girl instead. I am a little worried about this baby fitting into our family. I'm not nervous about expanding the love, but how will his addition affect my 3 year old. Is she going to end up with the stereotypical middle child syndrome? I see how poorly my niece adjusted to her brother, and 16 months later it's no better. I don't want to go through that.
I have been worrying that this little girl is going to turn out to be a boy and I have everything girly. If this happens to both of us, lets just trade stuff. Wanted to offer a bit of advice from a middle child. Try and make sure there are things that your middle one can do at time that the others can't. Growing up as a middle child, I found that I was always either not old enough to do cool things that my sister could do and too old to do things my little brother did. That was really hard to deal with and that, coupled with the modeling of my dad's yelling behavior when things didn't go his way, made me pretty difficult for my parents to deal with. I have thought a lot about this bc DH wants 3 kids and I only want 2. I think the key with a middle child is making her feel like she isn't just stuck in the middle. Make sure she doesn't get lost in the shuffle when the oldest is very demanding for attention (my sister was, big time) and the baby is needy. Try and make sure she gets time and attention, too. And, to be honest, I was a difficult kid. Looking back, I really don't think my parents always did right by me. BUT, at the same time, I know they did the best they could and I still love them. We live close, see them all the time, and my mom is my best friend. I'm sure it's hard (and I will be going through the same thing if do end up having a third) but I do want to reassure you that being a middle child doesn't mean she is going to be screwed up or hate you. It's obvious how much you love your girls and, when it's all said and done, that's what's going to make the real difference.
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  #9  
April 28th, 2013, 06:22 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by QueenCrafty View Post
I'm scared that something will happen to this baby before he's born. I feel like I am so close and something is going to happen. I know it's irrational but it's still in the back of my mind. And then I'm afraid that he might end up being a girl. If I get all ready with boy clothes and get rid of all my girly stuff, then the u/s tech will have made a mistake and it ends up being a girl instead. I am a little worried about this baby fitting into our family. I'm not nervous about expanding the love, but how will his addition affect my 3 year old. Is she going to end up with the stereotypical middle child syndrome? I see how poorly my niece adjusted to her brother, and 16 months later it's no better. I don't want to go through that.
I know the middle child worry. Ethan is our middle child now. He has been my "baby" for 8 years. I have been very conscious about telling him the special part of being in the middle. I told him he is the only one in the family who is both a little brother and a big brother. I made him give me his "pinky" promise that this summer he and I will do one special thing a week just the two of us together. (Now please do understand that to him breadsticks and a freeze at Target is something he loves and will find special. So is a trip to McDonald's. Pretty easy kid).
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  #10  
April 28th, 2013, 09:38 PM
Rochelle
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That I'll let everyone down and prove them right that 4 kids is too many for me bc I'm majorly disorganized. I have plenty of room in my heart for my children but not quite enough time in the day. I'm also the type that NEEDS my moments of me time sporadically throughout the day. I'm terrified of schedules and i know I'll have to abide by one if I'm going to make it through the next few yrs of having young children. My life is going to change a lot with this fourth one.
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  #11  
April 29th, 2013, 11:56 AM
cheerfulsunrise's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 656
I am a huge worrier, and this pregnancy has just made that worse. I worry that something will happen to the baby, or that I will get hurt somehow and the baby will be harmed... Or that i will do something else to somehow put the baby at risk. I worry that I am eating too much or not enough... worry that I am working out too much or not enough... I worry about the products I use or food I eat (are the ingredients safe??, etc etc)
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