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Torn on circ.


Forum: June 2013 Playroom

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  #1  
May 4th, 2013, 08:10 AM
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For the longest time DH and I have been saying we will not circ. Then the closer we get we started to debate again.

All I know is I don't want it done in the hospital. A few months ago a hospital rating was released and our area came back as one of the highest botched circs in the country. I just can't handle the thought of that.

What has made us sort of change our minds is the idea of cleaning. I worry about when they're old. Like 90s and someone having to clean them. Will they have someone to help them? What if something happens where they don't and it gets infected??

I worry about the strangest things with this but I feel like this is such a big decision and one that if impacts their life in many ways. My DH has talked it over with others and anyone that he knew that had experience with not being circ'd they said they wished that they were or did later and wished they had been when they were a baby. I'm still so undecided at this point.

I feel like if we make the decision to do it that we would go with a pedi or specialist.
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  #2  
May 4th, 2013, 08:19 AM
MamaSkunk's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I did a lot of talking to people as well when making the decision of whether to circ. Tristan or not as well. Ultimately a few things made us go with it. The cleaning aspect you mentioned. DH was also circ'd (we don't want lil guy upset he looks different from daddy ya know) and every guy we spoke to who was not circ'd told us to definitely get lil man circ'd. And they all said they wish they had been done younger as the older they got even tho they wanted it done it was a fear of the pain to their manly parts. They all also said they got picked on a lot by other kids in school during gym showers etc. Down to women making them feel insecure sexually as they got older for it.
We decided not to let him go thru any of that even tho now circs are on the decline in our area. I've heard the pediatrician does it at the hospital if they are OK...otherwise they do it afterwards at an appointment and its super quick I'm told.
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  #3  
May 4th, 2013, 09:31 AM
overlinmommy17's Avatar Super Mommy
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We choose to have our boys circ'd but it is such a debatable thing. I think it's such a personal decision. It actually caused a lot of tension between my dad and I with my first son. He did not want me to do it. He went as far as to tell me that he was not and neither was my brother (TMI for real) but i did what i felt was best at the time, which was to have it done. I agree that it has a lot to do with what his dad has...
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  #4  
May 4th, 2013, 11:59 AM
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We only know one guy who isn't circ'ed and he highly recommended we do it to DS. But in doing our own research, we decided against it. Yes, it might be more traumatic for him to get it done later, but at least it will be HIS decision. DH had read that uncirc'ed men enjoy sex more and considering that around here, it's getting more common not to circ, we chose to leave it be.
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  #5  
May 4th, 2013, 12:06 PM
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Our first three sons are circ'ed, youngest is not. If this baby is a boy, he will stay intact. Cleaning is a non-issue. Looking like daddy (or brothers or whomever) is a non-issue. As Catholic Christians, religious reasons are a non-issue. We did not find one solid reason to circ that compared to the risks and pain involved.

At the very least, if you are unsure, do not do it. It can be done later if you change your mind. But once done, if you (or your son!) come to regret it, you can't change your mind.
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  #6  
May 4th, 2013, 01:48 PM
QueenCrafty's Avatar Courtney
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I agree that it is a very personal decision. I am choosing not to circ but I would not judge others that choose differently. DH is circed and frankly I've never seen one that isn't, so I know that I will be getting a lot of flak from family and friends for not having it done. I believe that proper cleanliness can be taught, so that really isn't that big of a deal for me. I'm not worried about him looking different from DH, after all aren't we all a little different in some way? In my area, circumcision is still in the majority but I think that is changing so I think peer pressure won't play as much of a role once he is older. The one guy I knew who wasn't circed was very much into staying intact. He was super proud of his intact manhood and wanted to prove to girls that he was better in bed than those that were circed. I never took him up on his offer, but it was pretty funny
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  #7  
May 4th, 2013, 03:40 PM
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It is a hard decision...if we have boys dh says absolutely they will get circed I personally would be just fine not to do it bc of the pain factor. I told dh that he will be sitting in the room while its done if we have boys and will need to take care of it as it heals bc it will gross me out. Whatever decision you make go with your gut and know that growing up there will be little boys with & without it done.
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  #8  
May 4th, 2013, 08:14 PM
zkat's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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This is one of those decisions where there is no right or wrong, and you are going to find support for both sides of the decision. It is very personal.

Dh is circ and I left the decision to him with B1. He did all the research and decided not to circ. b2 will also be intact. There were several reasons for his decision - the number of nerve endings in the foreskin, the lack of medical necessity and the risks of botched procedures are just a few reasons he decided the way he did.
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  #9  
May 4th, 2013, 08:51 PM
MrsLat's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I hope you can make a decision that puts you both at peace, first off We circumcisized Gabriel, we will be doing it again on little Grayson.

We did it in the pediatrician office one week after birth. Honestly, Gabriel didn't even cry during it He cried a little when they numbed him with the shot first. Then he just sucked on his pacifier, happy as a clam during the procedure. I left the decision up to DH and that is what he preferred for our sons. We had no problems with the healing, it went very smoothly.
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  #10  
May 4th, 2013, 09:09 PM
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I was not there for DS's circ, but I have assisted with several that were done in the office. If the doc is competent its a quick, easy procedure that the baby doesn't even notice. We chose to circ DS for all the reasons that have already been mentioned... to match DH, cleanliness and b/c I knew a man who, for medical reasons, had to have it done as an adult. He was adamant that it was the single most horrible experience of his life and he wished it had been done as an infant. Then again, I think it was more his pride than his boy bits that were hurting at that point!
I will say that DS wasn't circ'd until he was 4 months old b/c of being born so early and in the beginning it was a little weird to me to see it... but by the time he his procedure was done I had gotten accustomed to it and then it was weird to see it circ'd!
Either way... just do the best you can with the knowledge that you have to go on. People will support you and people will criticize you with either way you go.
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  #11  
May 4th, 2013, 09:14 PM
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We opted not to circumcise our son. DH is but we both couldn't justify the expense, extra care, and unnecessary pain/discomfort that a circumcision would bring. It's purely cosmetic. If he wants one later he can pay for one later.

Hygiene wise it's a non-issue. You don't do anything for a few/several years. The foreskin will detach and retract on its own and at that point you introduce how to clean it properly. Until then you do NOT force the foreskin back at all as this can damage the tissue and introduce harmful bacteria. I always check to make sure that BM isn't lodged in the tiny folds in the skin at the tip, but that's just a second's worth or work and comparable to checking to make sure that BM is out of a little girl's folds. As your son gets older and infirm he'll have had YEARS of experience of cleaning himself. And if he is 90 years old and can't clean the area well himself then that means he can't clean much of anything else on himself either (like wiping or brushing his teeth). That's just old age.
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  #12  
May 4th, 2013, 09:54 PM
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Last edited by 4hearts; August 31st, 2013 at 03:06 PM.
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  #13  
May 5th, 2013, 10:14 PM
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I'm just lurking but I have 3 boys. My oldest one had it done at a week old and he cried when they numbed it but that was it. My other 2 didn't even wimper when they had it done. They both had the Ring type circ done. If you get it done I highly recommend that type. Ask your doctor about it I'm sure they know what I'm talking about.

I really think this is a personal choice between you and DH and so don't let anyone talk you into one way or another. I just wanted to say for my boys it wasn't painful so you can't think of it as being painful and that being your reasoning.
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  #14  
May 6th, 2013, 04:38 AM
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I will say that I can vouch for the better in bed thing.. Lol.
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  #15  
May 6th, 2013, 11:02 AM
DaniB+4's Avatar Super Moderator
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My DH is circ'ed but our son is not. We both decided against it. I'll admit that I am really opinionated on the subject but try very hard to refrain from being obnoxious when the matter is brought up for discussion .

I personally don't think it's a parent's choice to permanently alter their child's genitalia - and therefore their health, appearance, and sexual response - for the rest of their life. Especially not for cosmetic reasons. Fathers and sons do not need matching penises, no more than my mother and I needed matching breasts or vulvas.

But that is just ME and my opinion .

In addition, I find it very hard to find validity in arguments about hygiene and concerns about old age, too. For one, my son's penis is a breeze to clean. No issues there. Meanwhile, old people in general are prone to infection and often need assistance with hygiene as they reach the more elderly period of their lives anyway. Women go through TONS of issues with their reproductive organs and genitalia as they transition into old age - UTIs, menopause, ovarian cysts, yeast infections, prolapsed bladders & vaginas, atrophied muscular tissue in their vaginal canals, etc etc etc - but no one suggests that we remove our baby girls' labia or clitoral hood to save them from these possible issues that may or may not happen 80 years down the road.

And lastly YES, there is a difference in sexual response and performance when it comes to an intact foreskin versus a lack of foreskin. It's not just an extra piece of skin that was put there for no reason. It serves a very specific and deliberate purpose for both the man and his partner during sex. My ex-H was intact so I speak from personal experience here. And no, it's not a matter of "skill." My current husband is circed and our love life is great. But the foreskin does play an important part in the lubrication, friction & stimulation aspect of intercourse. Why do you think lubricant is such a hot commodity here in the US??Yes, circed men will tell you that there sexual response is fine and they do great as lovers, and in most cases that's totally true. But for them to tell you that not having a foreskin doesn't make any difference whatsoever is silly considering that they have zero basis for comparison unless they were circed later in life, which very few are.

Anyway, I hope that doesn't come across as harsh. I'm simply giving a very honest reason for why we did not circ and why we would never, ever do it no matter how many sons we were to have. I have dealt with both sides of the coin as an adult woman in relationships with both intact and cut men and have seen the reprocussions of both decisions. For every intact man who tell you that you're better off circing your son, you're going to meet another one, like my ex, who will tell you not to because they are incredibly thankful that their parents left the decision up to them. And for every cut man you meet who says he's thankful his parents circed him, you'll meet another, like my current DH, who wishes his parents had also left the decision up to him, too. It's definitely not a black and white issue.

Good luck!
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  #16  
May 6th, 2013, 10:10 PM
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LOL, I have to share this. Not to make any kind of a point but because my family's response was so hilarious.

We announced a few hours after having Alex that we weren't going to circumcise him. My husband's mother replied with a "good luck, kid" and then a general comment about what girls like. MY mother was much more explicit and said that he'll never get a blow job. Both of these responses were so out of left field and character for both of our mothers that it floored us. My husband could only stammer "Well, aren't we glad that you won't be offering that to him later on!" which turned them both a deep red.

It's such a weird thing to be talking about, lol. Future sexuality and all that. You can't even imagine your newborn bundle sitting up and yet here you are thinking deep thoughts about their genitalia and their future sex lives.
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