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Ok ladies... I need your help! M (the birth mother) sent me a msg this morning that she is done being pregnant and wishes that Amelia would come tomorrow! She says that she knows she would be just fine if she was born now and that she just wants her body back.
Thats the short version. Our conversation was actually much longer with me trying to explain both from a nursing standpoint and as a mother of 3 preemies exactly what would happen if she delivers my sweet baby at 33 weeks! I need help... what advice can I give her at this point that will help? Believe me, I am ready for her to be done being pregnant, too. I want my daughter... but a day on the inside is worth a week on the outside. I want to be able to hold my baby when she's born.. not look at her through the NICU window. I've done that with my previous children and I don't want to go through this again. I really fear that she is going to try to induce herself and hurt herself and/or the baby!
Yikes! Is there any way you can get her under your care stat? So you can monitor her? If not take her to get her toes done and maybe a prenatal massage hopefully that will help her be more comfortable do she will do what is right...
Wow, how awful that you have to worry about that! Yes, pregnant woman complain towards the end myself included but I would NEVER really want my baby to be born early! I am scared that you honestly are fearful that she would do something. I think you should just stay in contact a lot and try to offer to help as much as you can. Sorry!
The hard part is that she is around my children and knows that they were preemies. She sees DD2 that was born at 33 weeks and she's "fine". Yeah... she's fine NOW! She spent 17 days in the NICU being fed through a tube. DS was born at 23 weeks (yes, you read that correctly) and he will be celebrating his 11th birthday next week. I get it that I was blessed with these children, however I know the cold reality of things is that my babies were the exception.. not the rule!
Maybe I'm over reacting b/c I know what can happen if she gets crazy. Plus, when DS was born he was in the NICU with a baby who's mother was tired of being pregnant at 27 weeks and broke her own water with a crochet hook. I never got far enough along to be "miserable pregnant" so I don't know what to tell her or how to gauge if she's seriously considering anything or not. I just know that when she says things like "I want her out now... and I would do anything to have her tomorrow" or "she better be ready in the next 4 weeks" that I start to get nervous. She also referred to my baby as "seriously in my way and inconvenient". She has never said anything like that before. We have a great relationship and although she hasn't made any attempts to hide that this was an unplanned pregnancy and she has no desire to parent, she has maintained that she loves the baby. I'm just at a loss right now... and I'm scared and frustrated.
Thanks so much for letting me get this out!!!
Oh wow. I would definitely try to give her as much support as possible! And make her as comfortable as you can as well! Ive def been to that point where I'm sick of being pregnant to but would never wanna put my baby thru something that was done intentionally. So sorry you're having to go thru this I'm sure it has to be very scary hugs ..
Yikes! I was just wondering how you were doing earlier today and it sounds like stressed out! I would say try taking her to a prenatal massage to relax her and remind her that she's almost done and that soon enough she will be able to move on with her life but that babies can become very I'll if born before 38 weeks. And remind her that baby will come when the time is right and not before.
Yikes! I know we've all been talking about how "done" we are being pregnant, but I don't think any of us want to actually MAKE the baby come before he/she is ready. She might just be venting. Of course you know her better than any of us do, but hopefully she was just having a bad day and would never actually do anything to go into labor early. I agree with the other ladies - keep in close touch with her and maybe take her out for a little pampering. Good luck!
I was feeling really done and depressed. Going for that swim really gave me a breath of fresh air, and the pain in my hips hasn't been as bad since then.... and i feel much better now. It gave me another 2 weeks of strength. Then I figure I will just go swimming again LOL and do this until baby girl is fully cooked.
Thanks ladies!! After talking with her more I really think she was just having a horrible bad day. I tend to over react b/c of past experiences and b/c I know she never wanted to be pregnant to begin with and doesn't want the baby. I don't think she will do anything just yet. I'm not saying that as it gets closer she won't try every home "remedy" to jump start labor. But, at least at this point I think its better. I was hoping to see her last night, but my house has turned into a plague house! Every one of us except DD1 has had the stomach flu in turns. Literally as soon as one of us stops the next one starts.
I've done my best to explain all the things that could happen if Amelia is born now... beyond that all I can do is support her and try to keep her calm and happy. Thanks again for letting me voice my fears and all the advice!!