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Not sure that I can do this... :/


Forum: June 2013 Playroom

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  #1  
July 9th, 2013, 09:30 AM
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We had a consult to get the boys circ'd today. They are scheduled for Monday.

I'm still so on the fence about this :/

DH really wants it done. My whole family really wants it done. I'm the only one who do doesn't. Honestly my only reason for wanting it done is because I feel pressured that I won't be making the right decision. Every one keeps telling me they will eventually need it done and it will be worse when their older. Or that eventually they won't be able to take care of it and no one will for them. Which I see happen now. My granddaddy is not circ'd and no one cleans him for him and he's 93 and doesn't do anything himself really.

If we don't do it Monday then we have to wait until after they are 6mo and be put under general. Which then my family jumps on me saying that is so much more dangerous and the aftercare is more painful and worse for them. That I just need to get this over with now.

I keep hearing that I left the decision up to DH and I need to respect his decision.

I don't know what to do. I've been in tears since yesterday just thinking about the upcoming appointment and then now all I've done today is cry. In my heart I just don't feel like this is *right* I just cannot imagine putting my babies through the pain when there is no medical reason it needs to be done.

Sorry for the long vent. I have nowhere else to turn.

ETA: I'm not trying to stir up anyone opinions. I just need to vent my feelings. I just wanted to add that because I was lurking randomly and saw some heated threads.
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Last edited by loveneverfails; July 9th, 2013 at 09:44 AM.
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  #2  
July 9th, 2013, 10:05 AM
MrsHoot's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Lurking from October DDC... But I too left the decision up to DH because I was really on the fence. When it came time in the hospital, we had a blood issue come up from an old physical of DHs, so the doctor didn't feel comfortable doing it, in case it was a clotting issue. We never got the results during our hospital stay, so I had to call an make an appt at children's hospital. The earliest they could get us in was at 6 months. I told DH I couldn't do it, I couldn't bear to think of the pain...and that he had to take him to do it if he wanted it done.

Apparently DH didn't want to do that, so we never got it done. Just wanted to tell you that I've been there and know the feeling!
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  #3  
July 9th, 2013, 10:44 AM
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Thanks

I did tell DH that if he wants it done he has to go with them in the room.

The dr was very clear that they will still feel it. :/
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  #4  
July 9th, 2013, 11:06 AM
wildchihuahua's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: San Antonio, Texas
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My oldest son was circ'ed at 1 week of age, but then had to have a "revision" done at 8 months of age due to an anatomical issue (there was no error with the first one). The recovery after each was dramatically different. He healed faster the first time, and it didn't seem to bother him at all after the first day. With the one done at 8 months, he had to undergo general anesthesia, cried every time he urinated for a week, and it was months before we could wash him there without him fussing.

Obviously, this made me concerned about our decision for our second son. So, I understand your concern.

Feel free to PM me with any questions.
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  #5  
July 9th, 2013, 11:19 AM
navywifey2003's Avatar Home Birth Mama
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Huge hugs Hun. I don't have any advice just hugs.
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  #6  
July 9th, 2013, 11:20 AM
Joanne Nicole's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I'll share my experience and you can take what you will from it...not trying to sway you in either direction.

None of the men in my family are circumcised and they feel very strongly about it. My husband is circumcised and he also feels strongly about it. Out of the men that I've "been" with, most of them were circumcised and I have to admit that I prefer the way it looks...but I left the decision up to my husband, and he said he wanted it done. My family flipped out and gave me a really hard time, trying to convince me of all the reasons that I shouldn't have it done. Their biggest argument was that a circumcised penis isn't as sensitive. That has been disproved by adult men who have undergone the procedure - they don't experience any decrease in sensitivity. So I went ahead and got it done.

We went first thing in the morning - my instructions were no feeding after 6 am (so the baby doesn't spit up or throw up during the procedure) and give him a dose of infant Tylenol an hour before the appointment. By the time we got there for our appointment at 8 am, he was just starting to get hungry and a little fussy. The nurse got a spare diaper from me and then took him into another room. They did the procedure and 5 minutes later they brought him out to me and told me I could feed him. He was crying, but not hysterical, inconsolable crying. I fed him for half an hour and he calmed down and fell asleep. After 30 minutes they called me back in and the doctor who did the procedure explained to me what it's supposed to look like, what to expect over the next few days, complications to look for, and how to put Vaseline in his diaper to avoid friction. The doctor said he screamed while they were cleaning him with the iodine stuff, but hardly made a peep during the procedure. He slept for about 3 hours after we got home. The first diaper change, there was a little blood and he was red and a little swollen, but he didn't cry any more than he does during most diaper changes. I gave him infant Tylenol every 4 hours for the first day, just to help with any discomfort. He was a bit clingy when he was awake, but he ate and slept fine. I put big gobs of Vaseline in every diaper for about 5 days, until it looked healed and didn't need it anymore. Everything is totally normal now and I'm glad we got it done. I won't lie, it was stressful doing it, and I didn't want to cause him any unnecessary pain...but the truth of the matter is that it was short-term discomfort that he's never going to remember. Personally, I don't see it as any different than getting a baby girl's ears pieced. It's painful for a while, it's medically unnecessary, it's being done without her permission, and basically it's just about looks. Same thing as a circumcision, really. Just my opinion.

That being said, if you are going to have it done, I would definitely get it done now. Putting them under general anesthesia is way riskier.

Now...THAT being said, I think it's pretty awful that your family is pushing you to do something that you're so conflicted about and telling you that you have to respect your DH's decision, like your opinion has no bearing on the matter. It's a decision between your husband AND you, and it's none of the rest of the family's business.
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  #7  
July 9th, 2013, 11:30 AM
QueenCrafty's Avatar Courtney
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I don't think your family gets an opinion on this. This is a decision for you and your husband. I know many people choose for their DH to make the decision because he's the one with the penis. I disagree with this particular statement. These children are yours too, so of course you get to have an opinion. Good luck with whatever you decide! We'll support you either way
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  #8  
July 9th, 2013, 12:12 PM
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Thank you everyone! Joanne you made me feel better about it if we choose to have it done.
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  #9  
July 9th, 2013, 12:36 PM
MamaSkunk's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Tristan was done before we even left the hospital. They came in and took him off to have it done. The ped said they inject two small doses of lidocaine at the base then take a thing to cut off the foreskin. Well they aren't sure HOW it happened but before they even made the incision and after the first injection a drop of blood came out the tip of his penis. They were afraid the lidocaine could have gone into a blood vessel which can be bad cause it can slow the heart. So he was put on a heart monitor and monitored for several hours and all was well....so I am assuming they possibly just scratched or nicked him somehow but it was very scary. The pediatrician came in to tell me all this and I was like whoa what the heck?!?! My aunt had come by to visit within minutes of the pediatrician stopping by and I told her what was all said and before I could finish she stormed off to go find that PED. Since she's a head nurse at that hospital and been there almost 30 years she kind of rules the roost there. And I have never seen my aunt so pissed. Before she stormed out she stated that she was off to go put the fear of God into that ped as that was her great nephew. Which did jot ease my fears much other than I knew she was concerned but I knew she would watch over him. Maybe a half hour later she came back to update us that little man was doing OK but being monitored for a few more hours just to be safe. And then she went back and stayed by my son. It was frightening at the time but when they brought him back he wasn't at all fussy. I made sure to gob on the Vaseline at every diaper change and it healed rather nicely. I am glad we had it done because he will look like DH and I let DH also choose ultimately and it really helped DH feel involved as the pregnancy and labor and delivery was pretty much all me and my decisions. As soon as they did bring little man back from being monitored then DH picked him up and held him and baby talked him and had a really close moment with him. It was a very precious moment between father and son and despite the scare I'm still glad we had it done. Personally I think they just scratched his dry skin while holding his weewee to do the injection. (His skin was dry from being past due) I am glad they were so cautious though.
Anyway that's my experience. And little guy really didn't even seem too upset by it except for fussing during diaper changes that first day.
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  #10  
July 9th, 2013, 12:49 PM
zkat's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Hugs. I agree that your family doesnt get an opinion in this matter. He has 2parents and that is who gets a say.

We opted not o Circ either boys. I hope they dont get upset with us later but i just couldnt bring myself to do it for cosmetic reasons.
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  #11  
July 9th, 2013, 01:08 PM
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lol, I guess my DH is in the minority. At first he didn't care. And then as time went on and my due date loomed he became more against it. To the point of telling every nurse and doctor who came into the room that they were NOT to clip Alex's penis, lol. He did the same thing with Rowan. DH is circumcised, btw. I have no opinion on what you should do, but so far we haven't seen any validity in the son must look like the father belief. As Joanne says, it's all about looks anyway.
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  #12  
July 9th, 2013, 02:00 PM
hilachu's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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we had DS done before we even left the hospital with no issues
just vaseline for a week on it at each diaper change
a friend of mines son had some issues with his penis and they got it done around 1 1/2 and it was definitely much worse an experience than if it was done earlier
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  #13  
July 9th, 2013, 02:41 PM
jhmomofmany's Avatar Look! A Dancing Banana!
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some of our boys are circ'ed, some are not. It is a difficult decision and definitely NOT one that you should have to make under pressure from anybody.
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  #14  
July 9th, 2013, 03:35 PM
Madison.Hailey.Zack's Avatar Mom of 2 Girls and a Boy!
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I also agree that this is something that needs to be decided between you and DH and no one else! I will share my experience also. I was like you and was not 100% for it because I was so afraid of him being in a ton of pain. I left the desision up to Mike since he has a penis and I do not. I can not base a choice off personal experience like he could. He chose to have it done. So the day after he was born he had it done. They came and got him and said it would only be about 5 minutes. They said they applied a numbing cream on the penis and gave him some sugar water. They said they would keep him in the nursery for a bit to be watched just to be safe. I walked to the nursery about 10 minutes after they took him and he was already there. They told me that he didn't cry at all during the whole ordeal and did great. I had to keep gauge pads with vaseline on them on it for the next 24 hours to keep it from sticking to the diaper. He didn't fuss anymore then normal during diaper changes. They warned me that it would look angry but after about a week look a lot better. In the end I made it out to be worst in my head then it ended up being.
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  #15  
July 10th, 2013, 01:23 PM
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Thank you all for the experiences. It really does help!
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