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Unsolicited advice - just a vent


Forum: June 2013 Playroom

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  #1  
July 16th, 2013, 06:40 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Northeast USA
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Ugghh. How annoying when people presume to know what is up with your baby better than you. A couple of weeks ago, we stopped at the Carter's store. Ellianna began to scream. She was just a couple of weeks old. A lady in the place (not a worker) proceeded to tell me that "your baby wants to be in her home in her crib." I politely said, I am certain it is not her crib that she wants (believe me - that is not something she ever wants). I then got told that what I am feeding her gives her a belly ache (I am exclusively bf). Tonight, at a swim meet advice again from a young mother. Ellianna has clogged tear ducts -so there is goup in her eyes. I can clean then 20 times a day and it reappears. The doc has done a culture. No infection - just clogged ducts. Got unsolicited advice as to how they must be infected. It is also 97 degrees outside today. I have two older children who swim competatively, so we had to go to the evening meet. I had her in the car in the air much of the time, popping out to watch selected races. Even so, she had some prickly heat on her face that disappears as soon as she gets in the AC. Happens all the time to her sensitive skin. Got a lecture on how she has baby acne (I don't think so since it goes away in the AC) and what I need to use. I then got a lecture that it may be that she is allergic to something I am eating. Finally got the lecture on what to do to get her to sleep through the night - hello she is 5 weeks old and bf. I am completely prepared for her not to sleep through the night.

I am sure you ladies are getting some of the same advice.
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  #2  
July 16th, 2013, 07:10 PM
navywifey2003's Avatar Home Birth Mama
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Wow. Hugs Hun I probably would have cried.
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  #3  
July 16th, 2013, 07:10 PM
zkat's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Because you havent raised two boys, already! I just smile, nod and ignore them.
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  #4  
July 16th, 2013, 07:21 PM
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I get it ALL the time on my Facebook. Mostly it's on his sleeping. When we brought him home, he was sleeping in a pack and play in our room and slept fine. And then we moved and upset his routine, and the only way he'll sleep is bed-sharing with me on the futon (we don't want him in the bed, so he won't get used to it). Whenever I post something, I get advice about sleep training him (he's only going to be 8 weeks tomorrow), and letting him cry it out (I got that advice when he was TWO WEEKS OLD!). *sigh* I just ignore it and take my mom's advice, "Do whatever you need to do so that YOU can get rest." Other than that, no one has given us too much advice, but we really don't leave teh house much.
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  #5  
July 16th, 2013, 07:36 PM
QueenCrafty's Avatar Courtney
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Location: North Carolina
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I learned not to talk about lack of sleep with my second because of all the "advice" I got in return. I just wanted to vent about being tired. It's so frustrating that random people feel the need to comment.
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  #6  
July 16th, 2013, 07:37 PM
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We haven't left the house much. And I think I have enough of a "don't f with me" vibe that I don't generally get too many attacks of dumb advice. But I remember with M, we took her to the farmer's market on one of our first big outings. DH was holding her and some grumpy older woman started telling him stuff. "You know you shouldn't have them outside so young." "She's 5 weeks old, the doctor said after 2 or 3 weeks it was fine to take her out." "Really? She's small for her age." "Actually she's 95th percentile for height and 80th for weight for her age." At this point I hid a giggle because I was CERTAIN this woman had zero clue what a percentile was. She went away grumbling under her breath and DH (usually the most calm collected person ever) looked about ready to punch someone in the face and was holding M so protectively. Later he said it wouldn't have made him so mad if I'd been the one holding her.

Some people just have no outlet for their stupidity and have to force it on innocent bystanders. Especially if they are holding a new baby.
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  #7  
July 16th, 2013, 08:57 PM
edgeofelise's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I had an old lady in a Target restroom yesterday tell me I need to take Henry somewhere quiet and nurse him. I was wearing him in my sling and he was sleeping peacefully, but she insisted four or five times that I "take him somewhere and sit down." When DD was tiny another old lady ripped me a new one because she wasn't wearing a hat. It was July and she had a hood on her sweatshirt that I'd taken down for a minute to clean up some spit-up. Henry is gassy and my mom INSISTS it's because I eat dairy. He doesn't have reflux, he's a content baby, he just has normal gassiness. Then she told me that when I was a baby she started me on mashed bananas at FIVE WEEKS old because I was always hungry. Yeah, I'm not going to be taking feeding advice from her, lol.
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  #8  
July 17th, 2013, 04:31 AM
Joanne Nicole's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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We live with my dad and step-mum... My dad was stationed in Korea for most of me and my siblings early childhoods and then my parents divorced by the time I was 5, so he doesn't exactly have a ton of parenting experience. My step-mum never had children of her own, and me and my siblings were teens and pre-teens by the time we started coming here to visit. Even so, they both give me ENDLESS amounts of unsolicited advice. He's fussy because of something I'm eating, his prickly heat rash is somehow my fault (it's been about 100 degrees here this week with over 80% humidity), his goopy eyes are infected, I shouldn't have gotten him circumcised, he'd sleep better and be less gassy if I just quit breastfeeding and switched him to formula...and on and on and on. It's bad enough when strangers or family you don't live with gives you advice...but I can't escape it, because we live here with them! I feel your pain!
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  #9  
July 17th, 2013, 04:46 AM
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No one gives me advice, however every pregnant person I know suddenly wants to be best friends with me like I have all the answers.

I haven't spoken more than a few sentences to this one chick in the last two years, and now that she is pregnant, she blows my phone up all day.

I deal with it though, maybe she doesn't anyone else to talk to about her pregnancy and ask her questions.
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  #10  
July 17th, 2013, 07:03 AM
eshute's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I got some advice from SO's mom when they were visiting from California, but it was warranted and actually works. Haha. I don't take the baby out much because SO works all the time and he takes the car unless I need it for an appointment. Otherwise, my family knows that I want no unsolicited advice and they've respected my wishes. It also helps that it's only my mom that lives close enough to come see the baby. She she knows not to give me advice unless I ask for it because I went over my do's and don'ts when I was pregnant. haha. I also put on my -I'm a new mom, exhausted, and pissed off- face when I'm in public. I did get a cashier once that told me I shouldn't keep my baby covered because it's so warm. I was in walmart, the AC was blasting and I had a light receiving blanket over her carrier so that people couldn't stick their nasty hands in and touch her. Not only that, she was sleeping. I looked at her, smiled and said "She's fine." Took my receipt and walked off.
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  #11  
July 17th, 2013, 08:16 AM
QueenCrafty's Avatar Courtney
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I remember one of the craziest things I heard with my second. My MIL, who is a nurse, told me that babies should STTN when they reach 12 pounds. Really? Like a baby suddenly knows that they weigh 12 lbs and magically sleeps?
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  #12  
July 17th, 2013, 08:39 AM
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I've gotten a lot of random advice but mostly people don't say much because its twins and generally they know nothing about twins. Those people I meet who have twins never offer advice and usually say that either it gets better or do whatever works for your twins to keep the peace.

I have heard though that I am going to need to stop allowing them to comfort nurse while we're out. They both tend to want to in unfamiliar settings and I've heard multiple times "you're going to need to put a stop to that!" I've also heard that I shouldn't hold them so much and "it's ok for them to cry"...sometimes I want to say/ They're twins believe me they know what its like to cry. Sometimes I just can't make everyone happy and the moments I can by cuddling them together..well I'm gonna do it.
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  #13  
July 17th, 2013, 09:02 AM
zkat's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by QueenCrafty View Post
I remember one of the craziest things I heard with my second. My MIL, who is a nurse, told me that babies should STTN when they reach 12 pounds. Really? Like a baby suddenly knows that they weigh 12 lbs and magically sleeps?
My usual response to the unsolicited STTN advice (B1 is a craptastic sleeper, still!) is "Do you sleep through the night every night? I don't - I usually wake up at least once, if not more. Why do you expect a newborn/infant/toddler to sleep through the night?" It usually shuts them up.
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  #14  
July 17th, 2013, 10:45 AM
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So far the only thing I've gotten is on Sunday my aunt told me she thinks Sam has thrush, because his tongue is whitish towards the back of his mouth. He has milk tongue, no lesions, nothing, he's had it since he was born and both of my older boys had it for the first few months, also. I told her that and she said, well, I still think it's thrush. Whatever, I don't care what you think, I know it's not. The next day my cousin told me the same thing, that her son had it and it spread to her. Well, it hasn't spread to me, and it's not thrush, don't worry about it! Other than that I really haven't gotten any unsolicited advice, but I almost always have my two older boys with me so maybe people just assume that I know what I'm doing? Haha! Plus my husband says people naturally assume I'm a b**** because I have red hair, I don't know how much truth that holds, but maybe a little.
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  #15  
July 17th, 2013, 11:19 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by QueenCrafty View Post
I remember one of the craziest things I heard with my second. My MIL, who is a nurse, told me that babies should STTN when they reach 12 pounds. Really? Like a baby suddenly knows that they weigh 12 lbs and magically sleeps?
If only this was true! I would start weighing her everyday LOL
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  #16  
July 17th, 2013, 11:40 AM
hilachu's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sunnydaze View Post
If only this was true! I would start weighing her everyday LOL
id start feeding her more too to get that weight up there quicker!
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  #17  
July 17th, 2013, 11:44 AM
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Unfortunately, the advice doesn't stop coming no matter how many babies you have or how old the babies get. Just the other day we were at the park and my 13yods got upset over something inconsequential and he went to sit in the van. A woman came over to tell us that it was really too hot for him to be sitting out there. We told her he could get out any time, that he was just mad about something. Well, whatever... she did the right thing asking about it because it was way too hot for a kid to be in the van. Maybe she didn't know how old he is, or maybe she thought we sent him out there for some reason? I have no idea. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt and assume they are genuinely helpful and not just treating me like an idiot.
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  #18  
July 17th, 2013, 01:12 PM
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Think god I don't go out enough to get much unsolicited advice. However I was in the grocery store at the restaurant and I run inti my MIL..like really of all places we have to be at it at the same time..ugh. Anyway one of the babies were hungry so i get him out and my MIL says they have an area in the bathroom and bluntly said I don't eat in the bathroom and neither will my kids!! Like really? These girls walk around with their tits hangin out all the time I'm surely not embarrassed to whip mine out to feed. Dear Jesus!!
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  #19  
July 17th, 2013, 02:14 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kyla0709 View Post
So far the only thing I've gotten is on Sunday my aunt told me she thinks Sam has thrush, because his tongue is whitish towards the back of his mouth. He has milk tongue, no lesions, nothing, he's had it since he was born and both of my older boys had it for the first few months, also. I told her that and she said, well, I still think it's thrush. Whatever, I don't care what you think, I know it's not. The next day my cousin told me the same thing, that her son had it and it spread to her. Well, it hasn't spread to me, and it's not thrush, don't worry about it! Other than that I really haven't gotten any unsolicited advice, but I almost always have my two older boys with me so maybe people just assume that I know what I'm doing? Haha! Plus my husband says people naturally assume I'm a b**** because I have red hair, I don't know how much truth that holds, but maybe a little.
Ellianna's tongue is white all the time as well. I never knew what it was. I like "milk tongue." I know she does not have thrush. I suspect it is just my milk on her tongue.
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  #20  
July 17th, 2013, 05:57 PM
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my grandmother thinks i hold my newborn too much..like really? and i have an almost 19-month old so i have to put my baby down plenty. and i get a lot of heat from my family for bedsharing...it's what works best for us and we all get the best and most sleep that way. i agree, people should keep their opinions to themselves unless we ASK for them!
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